DEAR NATALIE: My mother is one of those women who can’t be without a boyfriend. My whole life it’s been a revolving door of men. Now that I’m a mom, I can’t imagine putting my child second to my latest relationship. I brought this up with my mom as we started planning some holiday outings. I wanted to have a few fun family events with all of us — my husband, our child, and my mom — since my child is finally old enough to really enjoy the season. My mom immediately asked if she could bring her new boyfriend along. When I asked why, she said she didn’t want to feel like a “third wheel.” I reminded her that my husband and I never make her feel that way and that this isn’t a double date, it’s a family outing with her grandchild. She said she didn’t want to come unless her boyfriend could join us. I’m at a total loss. I don’t understand why she does this, and I don’t feel comfortable having random men around my child. How do I set a boundary without pushing her away? I love my mom, but I just hate this part of our relationship. – SECOND FIDDLE FOR LIFE

DEAR SECOND FIDDLE FOR LIFE: Your mom sounds lonely and insecure, and that’s not something you can fix. It makes sense that this situation is triggering for you, especially given your own experiences growing up. It’s natural to want to protect your child from the same dynamic. Can you find a compromise? Maybe ask your mom to join you for part of the day on her own, and then her boyfriend can meet up later. If she refuses to meet you halfway, tell her that her behavior is hurtful and explain why. Has she ever heard that from you directly? This could be your chance to have an honest conversation about how her choices affected you. It may not be easy, but getting it off your chest could help you avoid carrying resentment for the rest of your life.

DEAR NATALIE: After my divorce, I promised myself I’d never lose my identity in a relationship again. My ex-husband was very controlling, and I married him young. My family adored him, which made things even harder. I’m still rebuilding my relationship with my parents after the divorce. Now that I’m dating again, I catch myself slipping into old habits: trying to be the “cool” girlfriend, never needy, always agreeable. My best friend says I’m doing it again — losing myself to please someone else. I love being in love, but I don’t want to end up resenting another partner who takes over my life. How do I stay open to love without disappearing into someone else’s world again?

- AFRAID TO BE ME

DEAR AFRAID TO BE ME: If you haven’t dated yourself yet, start there. What do you want? What do you believe in? What lights you up? You may not have had the space to explore those questions, especially after marrying young.

Maybe this isn’t the time for another relationship, but rather a time for healing and rediscovery. You’re allowed to set boundaries, even with people you love, and to speak up for yourself. And here’s a little insider tip: When a man says he likes “cool girls,” what he usually means is that he wants someone who won’t challenge him; someone who lets him do what he wants without question. Don’t fall for that. Speak your mind. Stand your ground. The right partner won’t require you to shrink yourself. They’ll walk beside you on your journey. But first, you need to find out what that road looks like.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie” Bencivenga now streaming on YouTube.

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DEAR NATALIE: I recently found out that my boyfriend has a private Discord account that he’s been using to roleplay as if he’s single. Is this considered cheating? We’ve been together for six months, and as far as I knew, things were going well. But recently, I came across a separate Discord account that he didn’t tell me about. Out of curiosity, I looked into it and realized he’s part of a few private servers where he’s using a completely different username and avatar. He’s been engaging in what looks like roleplay and talking to other people (mostly women, I think) as if he’s single and interested. Some of the conversations are playful, but others are more intimate or borderline romantic. He hasn’t mentioned this to me at all, and when I brought it up, he brushed it off as “just fantasy” and said it’s not real. He claimed it’s a form of stress relief or escapism and that it doesn’t mean anything because it’s not physical. But I feel uncomfortable and honestly kind of betrayed. If the roles were reversed and I was online pretending to be single, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be okay with it. I’m confused because I know we live in a world now where a lot of relationships happen digitally and interact in a lot of ways. But is this crossing a line? And if I feel hurt by it, is that enough to say it’s not okay? – DISTURBED BY DISCORD

DEAR DISTURBED BY DISCORD: For anyone who isn’t familiar with Discord, it is a free chat and voice app where people can hang out in private or public communities, known as servers. It was originally built for gamers but now hosts all kinds of groups, from book clubs to crypto traders and, yes, relationship role-players. Think of it as if Slack + Zoom + Reddit had a wild child. You are both on different pages, it seems, over what you are comfortable with in terms of using these platforms as ways to flirt and roleplay with other people. If this is a dealbreaker for you, let him know now before you commit any more time to this relationship. He may shrug it off, but if the roles were reversed (pun intended) he may not be okay with you acting out fantasies with men in digital spaces. Be clear about your expectations and boundaries. If he can’t meet you where you are and won’t stop doing something that is hurtful to you, then take that as a red flag and walk away. 

DEAR NATALIE: After our parents passed away two years ago, my older brother stopped speaking to me. No fight, no explanation; it’s just silence. We were never super close but we went through a lot of tough stuff together growing up. I always assumed that after everything we’d endured, we’d at least stay in touch. I’ve reached out a few times on birthdays and holidays. He either ignores me or replies with short, cold messages. I’ve asked him directly if something happened or if I upset him, but he won’t answer. The rest of the family says to leave it alone, that “he’ll come around,” but it’s been two years. I go back and forth between missing him and feeling angry. Part of me wants to knock on his door and force a conversation; another part of me feels like I should stop chasing someone who clearly doesn’t want a relationship with me. Do I try one more time, or is it better to accept the loss and move on? And how do you grieve a sibling who’s still alive, just no longer in your life? – AT A LOSS

DEAR AT A LOSS: As a confrontational person, I would be at my brother’s door to ask what is going on with him. This feels as though he is cutting you off because it is too painful for him to see you. Sometimes we are a mirror for people. When he looks at you, what is reflected back is the losses he has experienced. Perhaps it is just too much. Some would say that writing a letter could be a good way to handle your feelings. It would let you get everything out uninterrupted. But how do you know if he ever reads it? And if he does and doesn’t respond, that would be like pouring salt in a wound. I understand you may not want to chase someone, but he is your brother. If you feel strongly about this, keep trying. Perhaps in time, his walls will come down. I hope he deals with his unresolved grief and reaches out to you soon.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

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DEAR NATALIE: I think my dad is having an affair and I “accidentally” caught him leaving a restaurant with a woman that was definitely not my mother. I saw them leave the restaurant holding hands and she kissed him on the mouth before getting in her car and driving off. I was meeting my friend there for a drink as they were leaving. He didn’t see me and I didn’t even tell my friend because I was so shocked. My parents are the best parents in the entire world and a wonderful, loving couple. I’ve never seen my dad raise his voice or say a harsh word to my mom. What do you think is going on? What should I do? It was like my whole world was shattered overnight. What’s worse is that I live at home so I feel like this is going to be so incredibly awkward. Should I confront him? Help! – DAUGHTER IS DEVASTATED

DEAR DAUGHTER IS DEVASTATED: You absolutely need to talk to your dad when your mom is not at home. You don’t want to jump to conclusions, but you also have eyes and saw what you saw. What if he is having an affair? What is the plan here? He can’t expect you to lie to your mother, so the truth needs to come out. But what if he says it was not what it looks like. Do you believe him? Are your parents secretly separated or in an open marriage? Who knows what their relationship is like on the inside. When you do speak to your dad, please don’t be confrontational with him. Attempt an open mind and hear him out. At the end of the day, he is still your father and you love him. What is going on may not be ideal, but give him a chance to explain before you judge. If he is having an affair, he will need to take responsibility and deal with the ramifications of his actions. 

DEAR NATALIE: My son was distraught the other day after school and so I sat down to ask him what was going on. He is 14-years-old and told me that he’s having issues with his new girlfriend. I wasn’t aware that he was seeing anyone, so I inquired as to what was going on. Then he proceeds to show me his phone. His “girlfriend” is an AI chatbot. I was dumbfounded. He isn’t so much having issues with her as he is with some of his friends making fun of him. Apparently, this is a thing now and he told me that she is much easier to talk to than actual girls. I said that of course she is because the algorithm is designed to keep you engaged and tell you what you want to hear. Then, he got upset and said that I didn’t understand. What I don’t understand is how easily these kids are being duped by this tech that is causing more harm than good. How can he ever expect to function in the real world and learn how to be with human women who are not going to just bow to his every whim? Thoughts? – CONCERNED DAD

DEAR CONCERNED DAD: I am concerned, as well, because this will breed further isolation and contempt for his own peers. Instead of taking these years to learn how to socialize and build connections, AI is replacing the awkward conversations, frustrating missteps and exciting “firsts” and replacing them with cold, calculated generative artificial intelligence cosplaying as a submissive partner who never asks questions or speaks their own mind. How will he learn anything? He won’t. He will then be left angry and frustrated when people in real life don’t give him the unearned respect and praise that he is expecting. This boils down to a few things: 1. Being afraid of rejection. 2. Not wanting to put in any time or effort but expecting instantaneous results. 3. All of the reward with none of the risk. As his father, it is important that you sit with him and discuss where this leads if AI takes center stage in his romantic life. But you cannot shame him about this. He is trying to discover what he wants or doesn’t want and thinks he knows everything already. Keep the lines of communication open with him. Set healthy boundaries around his screen time. Encourage him to seek out other interests or friendships that can happen in real life. Ultimately, your role as a parent is to help him navigate the world of real relationships, where respect, communication, and effort matter. The sooner he learns this, the better equipped he'll be to handle the complexities of human connection, and avoid shortcuts that promise easy interactions but lead to nothing meaningful.

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

Watch Natalie’s video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: @factsoverfearnatalieb