DEAR NATALIE: My oldest sister told me a huge secret about our mom. It’s so explosive I don’t dare write it here for fear that someone we know could read it. It could literally destroy my family. She made me promise not to tell. It involves my brother and my dad. I feel as though they have the right to know but my sister was adamant that I can’t tell anyone. She told me when we were drinking wine or I don’t think she would have let it slip. My mom doesn’t know that I know and it’s tearing me up inside. Do I keep the secret or come clean? Should I at least tell mom that I know? My sister found out accidentally and now it’s this whole thing. What should I do? – SECRETS WITH SIS

DEAR SECRETS WITH SIS: Since the secret is “out,” I would tell your mom that you know what is going on. If for no other reason, the resentment may build if you and her are having to lie to each other when you could just be honest. Now, this does not mean that I think you should tell your dad or your brother. This is your mother’s secret to share, not yours. Telling her that you know is very different than telling your family members who could be impacted or harmed by it. I would not put myself in the middle of their business. “Let sleeping dogs lie” as the saying goes. 

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend still wears a necklace her dead husband gave her. When I asked about it, she said, “It’s just jewelry and it reminds me of him.” We’ve been together for three years and I’ve thought about proposing marriage. But does this mean she hasn’t moved on? Should I be worried, or am I being insecure? I don’t want to ask her about it because I’m afraid she’ll think I’m jealous. But shouldn’t we have a clean start if we are going to get married? What do you think? – IT’S “JUST” JEWELRY

DEAR IT’S “JUST” JEWELRY: If it was “just jewelry,” then you wouldn’t be so upset about it and she wouldn’t be so protective of it. Wearing a piece that her late husband gave her may be her way of honoring his memory. It may not be indicative of the fact that she can’t or hasn’t moved on. But how would you know because you haven’t asked her? If you can’t have awkward conversations with the person you are planning on spending your life with, then how can you possibly propose marriage? Be vulnerable and real with her about your feelings. Open up about your insecurities and be willing to have a difficult conversation. If you can make it through that, then you are well on your way to standing on solid ground should you choose to propose in the future.

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

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DEAR NATALIE: My best friend married a very controlling guy. He has completely taken over and has locked her out of her social media accounts which she needs as a self-employed photographer. He did so to “teach her a lesson” when she was late to put dinner on the table one night last week. She called me in tears and was trying to figure out a way to get back into her accounts. Finally, he let her back into them today. I told her to stop giving him her updated passwords but she said she’s “afraid” to do that. They have two very small children and while he is the primary breadwinner, she is expected to take care of the family, the home and also work to bring in supplemental income. I think she should leave him before this escalates further, but she said he only acts this way because he loves her. How do I get her to see that this is abuse and not love? –WORRIED FOR MY FRIEND

DEAR WORRIED FOR MY FRIEND: It can be very hard to watch your friend walk down this road of denial and not feel like you can stop her. But this is her journey and she has to come to terms with what is happening to her by this pathetic excuse of a man. If nothing else, you may want to set her up with a divorce attorney so she can understand the legal side of what could happen if she chooses to leave. A financial planner could also be a good match for her, as well, to see how she can start hiding away some money in case of an emergency. At least if she has some ducks in a row, she might feel more empowered to escape when and if she needs to. We know that emotional and psychological abuse can quickly escalate to physical abuse. Financial abuse is often a part of this cycle, which she is experiencing, as well. I am also concerned for her children and what they may be exposed to in that home. Stay in her ear and let her come to the decision on her own with your support. Having worked in a women’s shelter, I know that when women leave, they are most likely to be murdered by their abuser. I hope she gets the support she needs. Perhaps a therapist can help expedite her process so that she and her children can move forward and away from this awful man.  

DEAR NATALIE: I caught my boyfriend texting one of my so-called best friends and it felt borderline inappropriate to me. He says nothing happened. No touching. No kissing. Just “talking.” But I’ve read the texts. Late-night heart emojis. Secret hangouts. Inside jokes I was never part of. It’s gone on for two months and it started the night of my birthday party where we all had dinner together at a restaurant. He says I’m overthinking it and that it’s not cheating unless it’s physical. But I’m sitting here with a pit in my stomach and my relationship suddenly feels hollow. I’m also really upset with her and not even sure how to confront her about this. If my trust is gone, does it matter whether he crossed the technical line? –IS THIS CHEATING

DEAR IS THIS CHEATING: Listen to your gut. The “secret hangouts” part would be enough for me. Not only is all of this wildly inappropriate, but the fact that you confronted him and he is gaslighting you into thinking you are overreacting is disgusting. Dump him and drop your so-called friend. Why is she engaging in this? They are both in the wrong and you need to do what is best for your sanity. I would not want to be looking over his shoulder every time I saw him texting someone. If he is so bold as to text one of your besties, then who else is he chatting with?

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: @factsoverfearnatalieb

DEAR NATALIE: My sister’s fiancé is constantly asking me to give him advice on his relationship. I helped him pick out the ring, plan the engagement party and decide where they should honeymoon after the wedding. He even asks me questions about their sex life. I feel like sometimes he oversteps the line. I know he means well and really cares about her, but I don’t feel as though I should be as intimately involved in their relationship as I am. I am afraid to say anything to him for fear he will stop sharing with me. I don’t want to cut off communication, but I certainly don’t need to know about their bedroom problems, especially when she doesn’t even share that with me. What should I do? – I KNOW TOO MUCH

DEAR I KNOW TOO MUCH: This is too close for comfort. If he is having bedroom problems, he needs to address those with his fiancé and certainly not with you. The next time that he brings up intimacy issues, shut it down. Let him know that while you appreciate his desire to ask for support, you simply don’t feel comfortable being in the middle of something so personal. If he can’t handle that, then let him know you will tell your sister to join in the conversation so that she can hear from him directly. Maybe he finds it secretly titillating to share that information with you – which is gross. Maybe he genuinely is clueless about what to do. Either way, he should redirect those questions to her. If he can’t communicate with her now, then how will he ever be able to build a future with her? Open and honest communication isn’t always easy, but it is necessary if you want a relationship to go the distance. Remind him of this and tell him these boundaries are in everyone’s best interest. 

DEAR NATALIE: I read your recent advice about the bad date with a food influencer and need to share what I’ve been going through. My partner makes relationship content online and every time we have an argument, he posts about it as a “lesson for followers.” One time, I caught him recording me in the middle of an argument and realized he was live streaming. I don’t want to be a part of his ‘brand’ and find the whole thing to be gross. I love him but every time I tell him that this makes me uncomfortable, he reminds me that this issue is a “me” problem and not a “we” problem. What do I do with that? – ASKING FOR ADVICE 

DEAR ASKING FOR ADVICE: I don’t have the patience for people like this. Dump him. The idea that he would exploit you in your worst moments to build a following is a new level of disgusting. I wouldn’t be surprised if he baits you so he can start a fight and then use it for content. This is a giant red flag all the way around. Run – don’t walk – as fast as you can away from this man. Your partner should be your safe space and never a reason to have to look over your shoulder. 

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: @factsoverfearnatalieb