DEAR NATALIE: My best friend married a very controlling guy. He has completely taken over and has locked her out of her social media accounts which she needs as a self-employed photographer. He did so to “teach her a lesson” when she was late to put dinner on the table one night last week. She called me in tears and was trying to figure out a way to get back into her accounts. Finally, he let her back into them today. I told her to stop giving him her updated passwords but she said she’s “afraid” to do that. They have two very small children and while he is the primary breadwinner, she is expected to take care of the family, the home and also work to bring in supplemental income. I think she should leave him before this escalates further, but she said he only acts this way because he loves her. How do I get her to see that this is abuse and not love? –WORRIED FOR MY FRIEND

DEAR WORRIED FOR MY FRIEND: It can be very hard to watch your friend walk down this road of denial and not feel like you can stop her. But this is her journey and she has to come to terms with what is happening to her by this pathetic excuse of a man. If nothing else, you may want to set her up with a divorce attorney so she can understand the legal side of what could happen if she chooses to leave. A financial planner could also be a good match for her, as well, to see how she can start hiding away some money in case of an emergency. At least if she has some ducks in a row, she might feel more empowered to escape when and if she needs to. We know that emotional and psychological abuse can quickly escalate to physical abuse. Financial abuse is often a part of this cycle, which she is experiencing, as well. I am also concerned for her children and what they may be exposed to in that home. Stay in her ear and let her come to the decision on her own with your support. Having worked in a women’s shelter, I know that when women leave, they are most likely to be murdered by their abuser. I hope she gets the support she needs. Perhaps a therapist can help expedite her process so that she and her children can move forward and away from this awful man.  

DEAR NATALIE: I caught my boyfriend texting one of my so-called best friends and it felt borderline inappropriate to me. He says nothing happened. No touching. No kissing. Just “talking.” But I’ve read the texts. Late-night heart emojis. Secret hangouts. Inside jokes I was never part of. It’s gone on for two months and it started the night of my birthday party where we all had dinner together at a restaurant. He says I’m overthinking it and that it’s not cheating unless it’s physical. But I’m sitting here with a pit in my stomach and my relationship suddenly feels hollow. I’m also really upset with her and not even sure how to confront her about this. If my trust is gone, does it matter whether he crossed the technical line? –IS THIS CHEATING

DEAR IS THIS CHEATING: Listen to your gut. The “secret hangouts” part would be enough for me. Not only is all of this wildly inappropriate, but the fact that you confronted him and he is gaslighting you into thinking you are overreacting is disgusting. Dump him and drop your so-called friend. Why is she engaging in this? They are both in the wrong and you need to do what is best for your sanity. I would not want to be looking over his shoulder every time I saw him texting someone. If he is so bold as to text one of your besties, then who else is he chatting with?

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

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DEAR NATALIE: My sister’s fiancé is constantly asking me to give him advice on his relationship. I helped him pick out the ring, plan the engagement party and decide where they should honeymoon after the wedding. He even asks me questions about their sex life. I feel like sometimes he oversteps the line. I know he means well and really cares about her, but I don’t feel as though I should be as intimately involved in their relationship as I am. I am afraid to say anything to him for fear he will stop sharing with me. I don’t want to cut off communication, but I certainly don’t need to know about their bedroom problems, especially when she doesn’t even share that with me. What should I do? – I KNOW TOO MUCH

DEAR I KNOW TOO MUCH: This is too close for comfort. If he is having bedroom problems, he needs to address those with his fiancé and certainly not with you. The next time that he brings up intimacy issues, shut it down. Let him know that while you appreciate his desire to ask for support, you simply don’t feel comfortable being in the middle of something so personal. If he can’t handle that, then let him know you will tell your sister to join in the conversation so that she can hear from him directly. Maybe he finds it secretly titillating to share that information with you – which is gross. Maybe he genuinely is clueless about what to do. Either way, he should redirect those questions to her. If he can’t communicate with her now, then how will he ever be able to build a future with her? Open and honest communication isn’t always easy, but it is necessary if you want a relationship to go the distance. Remind him of this and tell him these boundaries are in everyone’s best interest. 

DEAR NATALIE: I read your recent advice about the bad date with a food influencer and need to share what I’ve been going through. My partner makes relationship content online and every time we have an argument, he posts about it as a “lesson for followers.” One time, I caught him recording me in the middle of an argument and realized he was live streaming. I don’t want to be a part of his ‘brand’ and find the whole thing to be gross. I love him but every time I tell him that this makes me uncomfortable, he reminds me that this issue is a “me” problem and not a “we” problem. What do I do with that? – ASKING FOR ADVICE 

DEAR ASKING FOR ADVICE: I don’t have the patience for people like this. Dump him. The idea that he would exploit you in your worst moments to build a following is a new level of disgusting. I wouldn’t be surprised if he baits you so he can start a fight and then use it for content. This is a giant red flag all the way around. Run – don’t walk – as fast as you can away from this man. Your partner should be your safe space and never a reason to have to look over your shoulder. 

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

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DEAR NATALIE: My fiancé has been spending a bit too much time with AI lately. He talks about this bot as if it is a real woman. He brings it up in conversation and asks me what I think of things it said. I actually caught him laughing the other day and said, “What is so funny?” His reply? “Oh, Lila (I changed its name) said something funny.” I told him that Lila wasn’t real. We got into a big argument. He said “she” listens better than I do. I have no idea what I am supposed to do. We are getting married next spring and if this bot keeps taking my place, then what am I here for? I told him that he needs therapy. He won’t go. Does he even care if I stay or leave? –CHEATING WITH A BOT

DEAR CHEATING WITH A BOT: Between this and the letters I receive about men’s porn addiction, it seems as though the internet is ruining romance and meaningful relationships. Lila isn’t fulfilling your fiancé’s emotional needs. Lila is reflecting back whatever he wants to hear so that he will keep engaging with it. It sounds as though you are trying to intervene, but what he needs is a harsh wake-up call. I would tell him that unless he wants to end up alone, he needs to cool it with the AI. If he can’t do that, you should call off the wedding. Normally, I am not one for ultimatums, but this is absolutely ridiculous. “Lila” won’t keep his bed warm at night or be there to lean on when he’s having a bad day, or belly laugh with him over his favorite comfort shows. It has its place for when some people may feel lonely, but it should not replace meaningful and complex human relationships. If he can’t handle a real person, you need to move on. 

DEAR NATALIE: I went on a date with someone I thought was just an overzealous “foodie” but he turned out to be an “influencer” who has a large Instagram following. The entire dinner was so embarrassing. He took me to a great restaurant, but proceeded to bring a ring light and asked me to help him film while we ate. I started making jokes about the absurdity of dating in 2025. He became offended and told me how this is his livelihood. But I had no idea that I was walking in on a date that was actually a content session. He wants to go out again after I apologized but I’m not sure. He seems nice but I don’t think I’m made for this kind of stuff. What should I do? Free meals are a definite perk, I will admit! –HUNGRY FOR LOVE

DEAR HUNGRY FOR LOVE: It sounds as though you were not expecting dinner AND a show. But I am also picking up that you seemed to have a little fun – maybe? He should have warned you that he was going to film content. Actually, he should not have done that at all on the date. I wonder if he did it in order to get the free meal because it was a first date? Perhaps he thought if the date’s a bust, at least money wasn’t wasted. Who knows. Clearly, you need to have a conversation and set up some healthy boundaries for next time. He shouldn’t be taking women out on “dates” that are just excuses for getting content for his reels. It’s not a good look, to say the least. If he won’t budge on this point, then try doing something other than going out to dinner to see if there is actual chemistry. You need a walk and talk to figure this out before you bother investing any more time into this situation.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie” Bencivenga now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: @nataliebefactsoverfear