DEAR NATALIE: My son is 22-years-old and is dating a 43-year-old woman. For reference, I am 48-years-old. My wife (who is my age) is very upset by this. I am not as bothered. I think a lot of young men date older women and there’s nothing wrong with that. My wife feels worried that she is “wasting his time” and doesn’t like that he is following her around like a puppy dog instead of focusing on building a life for himself. They have talked about moving in together and my wife wants me to “forbid” him to do this. I laughed because he is a grown man. I also feel that if I push him on this topic, he will just want to be with her more. My wife wants me to take a different approach and is demanding that I speak with him about his girlfriend. What advice do you think I should give him? I don’t want him to end up with her… but there are worse things than having an older girlfriend. – NOT AS CONCERNED DAD

DEAR NOT AS CONCERNED DAD: I can see why your wife is concerned, but I also see why you are trying to be more deliberate in your response because you’re right. If you push on this issue, he will just want her more. The best approach is a dispassionate one. If you do talk to him, you don’t have to say, “your mother wants me to talk to you…” and throw her under the bus. Just ask him how things are going with his girlfriend. When you build up that trust and recognize his autonomy, you may be surprised how much he gives in return. Respecting him as a man who can make his own decisions could benefit your relationship now and in the future. Your wife may not be in agreement with his choices, but this relationship may need to run its course. If he is in love and she treats him well, then there isn’t much to fight him on. At some point, their life paths may naturally diverge and if so, you will have built up a trust with him so he can discuss it with you and feel comfortable knowing he can be open and honest about it. 

DEAR NATALIE: I have a friend who is constantly dating one loser after another. It is always about her most recent conquest or relationship issue. She has horrible taste in men and mostly ends up paying for everything. One guy wouldn’t leave her apartment and she had to get the police involved. I’m not sure what to say to her at this point. She is 35-years-old and just likes the drama, I guess. But it really spills into our friendship because it is all she wants to talk about. I had a rough year and lost a family member as well as lost my job. She hasn’t asked about either in a meaningful way. I want to tell her how I feel, but I’m also at a point where I just don’t care. How do I not let her energy cloud how I feel about her? – CLOUDY DEAR CLOUDY: Is this a relationship or are you just a doormat for her to dump all of her drama onto? It doesn’t seem fair (or healthy) that the entire dynamic is that she gets to talk about her messed up love life and you don’t get anything in return. I am a big fan of setting boundaries with people in a way that respects your friendship but also creates a space for peace in your life. Her love life sounds traumatic and exhausting. I can’t understand why she would want to date men who bring her nothing but chaos and stress. And why should you have to bear witness to it when she doesn’t even have the decency to acknowledge what you’ve been going through? I think you should put this friendship on ice and reevaluate what you need from your friends moving forward. Because this ain’t it.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie” Bencivenga now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: I’m struggling with a painful situation involving my sister and I need advice. Last month, my sister got very upset that I didn’t reach out again to my nephew when he graduated high school. I had already congratulated him a week earlier, but she expected more from me on his graduation day. When I explained my traumatic brain injury makes it hard to remember exact dates without reminders, she accused me of not caring. This hurt because I thought my bond with my nephew was loving. Meanwhile, she’s never reached out to my own son. Even before my TBI, she has always found ways to be displeased with me or accuse me of things that have never happened. Her reactions are unpredictable, and I’m starting to think this relationship isn’t healthy for me. I’m afraid that stepping back from my sister means losing contact with my niece and nephew. My sister has already cut out the rest of the family from contacting her and her children (making me the only contact). She can be kind when she’s in the right mood, but cruel when she is in a bad mood. How do I know if it’s time (or if I should) step away? Thank you for reading. – CONFLICTED 

DEAR CONFLICTED: I’m so sorry that your sister can’t give you some grace in this situation. It sounds as though she has her own issues to deal with and is letting them spill over into her relationships with you and your siblings. It isn’t right for her to treat you this way but it also isn’t uncommon. Now that your nephew is out of high school, there is no reason you can’t text him and make your own plans independent of your sister. You are allowed to build relationships with your niece and nephew on your own, regardless of what “mood” she is in. Take a step back from her. You don’t have to slam the door completely. You can shut a screen door, instead, and allow what you want to filter through. This way, you can still maintain some kind of connection, but on your terms – not hers. 

DEAR NATALIE: I’ve been married for almost a decade and would consider our relationship “solid.” We have our ups and downs like any marriage, but overall it’s been good. My husband’s been distant lately, however, and I have been worried that he’s seeing someone. We had a big argument a few weeks ago and he didn’t come home that night and he’s been acting strange ever since. I’m afraid to confront him because if he is having an affair…what do I do? And if he isn’t having an affair…what is going on? I have too many questions and I’m worried about the answers. Any thoughts on how to handle this or should I just ignore it?

– SWEEP IT AWAY

DEAR SWEEP IT AWAY: I have always found the monster in the light is less scary than the one in the dark. You can’t work on something until you know what it is you are dealing with. The longer you let this fester, the worse your anxiety is going to be. If he is having an affair (or even if it was a one-night stand) that would explain his strange behavior towards you. Maybe he also feels guilty or ashamed and wants to sweep it away. But the longer he tries to ignore it, the worse it will be. Confront whatever it is so that you can deal with it and decide how to move forward. If he isn’t having an affair – and I hope that he isn’t – then you still need to understand why he hasn’t been himself. Maybe the fight a few weeks ago rattled him and he doesn’t know how to share his feelings with you. Talk it out. Take the “what ifs” out of the picture and bring your marriage back into focus. If you believe it is as solid as you say, then you will be able to deal with whatever it is you need to in order to come out on the other side stronger than ever. Good luck to you.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: My husband’s sister is disabled and has been having a hard time making ends meet. My husband wants her to move in with us for an “open ended” amount of time. I love my sister-in-law but she has a lot of health issues that need daily nursing support. That means we will be having a nursing staff coming in and out, adding to the chaos I already feel in my house. We already have two dogs, a toddler and a baby on the way. I feel as though we are bursting at the seams. I want to support my husband and be there for his sister, but I don't think it is fair to upend our lives in order to accommodate her. I am overwhelmed as it is. Any advice on how to get out of this? – I’M SPIRALING

DEAR I’M SPIRALING: Is your sister-in-law having a hard time paying her rent? Would that be something you could help with in place of her moving in? Does she need paying for groceries? Would that be something you could offer, instead? I feel for you sister-in-law and can understand the anxiety and pressure everyone is feeling in this situation. I am just wondering if there is a middle ground here so that you can keep your personal spaces separate – which may be easier on everyone. Does she have contacts through her nursing care that you could connect with to see if she qualifies for any sort of further assistance? I know it seems that more and more social programs are being cut every day, but perhaps there is something her team could help you with. I applaud you and your husband for wanting to help her – and I have no doubt you will figure this out – but perhaps have her move in as a truly last resort and see what else is out there first. 

DEAR NATALIE: My sister is a lot of fun and everyone loves being with her. Sometimes she is too much fun, though. Recently, she took my 17-year-old daughter out and they got matching tattoos. I don’t even know where they went or how they were able to do that with her being underage. Granted, it’s a small little heart on her wrist, but it is the principle of it that she didn’t ask me or my husband for our consent. My daughter thinks her aunt walks on water and was upset when I called my sister to chew her out because of this. She should not be getting tattoos when she hasn’t even graduated high school. My sister flipped out and told me I was “too controlling” and now we aren’t speaking. Help me here because how did I end up the bad guy? – FLIPPED THE SCRIPT

DEAR FLIPPED THE SCRIPT: I would be angry with her, too. It is not appropriate at all for her to take a minor to get permanent ink tattooed onto their body – especially behind her parents’ backs. But since you and your sister are angry with each other, let things cool down before you revisit this topic. Invite her over in a week or two to discuss this and how you expect her to be around your daughter moving forward. There’s this thing called boundaries. I suggest you introduce her to that concept.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear