DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a very close friend I have known for a long time. I enjoy seeing her and her husband. However, whenever we go out to dinner, she always tells me to make the restaurant reservation, as supposedly I know all the places to go to.

Once we are at the restaurant, she always complains about the food. Last time, there were not enough capers in the sauce and it had no flavor. At a fine steak restaurant, she returned four items: the coffee, the salad dressing, the steak that was undercooked (and then overcooked, when it came back), and finally the ice cream!

We once went to breakfast, and she returned scrambled eggs.

It is so upsetting to me. I can understand if something is truly not good, but these are fine restaurants and they are just doing their typical service. I feel so horrible that she bothers the waiters by tasting four different types of wine and finally picking one that she then doesn’t like.

GENTLE READER: Stop going to restaurants with her: “You have such discerning taste, and I don’t want you to suffer when the food is not up to your standards. Why don’t we go to a museum or for a walk instead?”

Miss Manners warns that you may then have to listen to her unsolicited critiques on art. And nature. But presumably, she will not be able to send either of those back to the kitchen.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the last 12 years, I’ve worked as a member of a tight-knit office within a much bigger organization. My co-workers have been here even longer.

We know each other well because we have to travel together often, but don’t typically socialize outside of work (we’re together enough already!). I’ve been to a few graduation parties and a funeral, but generally don’t interact with my co-workers’ families much.

My oldest child is getting married, and we’re finalizing the guest list. I’m hesitating about who, if anyone, to invite from work. I think my director would genuinely like to attend, but am not sure about the other project manager, or my closest collaborator, whom I technically supervise.

Should I treat this as an all-or-nothing situation, like grade school birthday parties? Should I consider the office power dynamics when extending invitations? Or should I just assume most people think weddings are annoying and not worry about it? I’m not sure what is correct.

GENTLE READER: The rule is to invite anyone with whom you are friends outside of work. And that sounds to Miss Manners like exactly no one in this group, including your enthusiastic director. Keeping it equitable will be far more palatable, especially for your colleagues.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Who customarily walks the mother of the groom down the aisle?

GENTLE READER: Whichever groomsman is trying to avoid the bridesmaid he spent the previous night with will probably volunteer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have added a dog to our family. We tried to work with many different animal shelters and rescues, but it just did not work out for us to go that route.

We also did a lot of research on getting a dog from reputable breeders, but we couldn’t afford any of them. We ended up purchasing a dog from what some would call a "backyard breeder." She was a lovely woman, with beautiful, healthy puppies and reasonable prices.

There was nothing shady, illegal or "puppy mill" about her. We spent a lot of time making this decision, and we are happy with the puppy we got.

However, every time someone asks about our new puppy, they want to know what shelter I got him from. Many people are horrified to hear I would even consider anything outside of a shelter. I don’t want to go through the three-year story of our search every time this comes up, but I am scared and almost embarrassed to admit I didn’t adopt.

How do I address this? I don’t want to lie, but I have found myself doing that out of fear of harsh rebukes, even from strangers. Help me find an honest balance, Miss Manners!

GENTLE READER: Although it may violate the moral standards of Immanuel Kant, and of certain honest-at-all-cost types, your dog is smart enough to know not to give a stranger a stick when experience tells him it is going to be used to smack him.

Instead of telling the stranger that your source was a backyard breeder, say you found your puppy through a friend of a friend -- or whatever characterization you can invent that is technically true. At the same time, emphasize the other truth that your new family member was, just like a shelter animal, in need of a good home.

Then change the subject to any of a myriad of other topics that dog owners love to discuss -- but on which Miss Manners, sadly, cannot be of much help.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I live in a small, rural community where reputation is very important. He is a serious alcoholic, which results in him missing activities where his presence is expected.

I go alone, then, and am comfortable doing so, except when I am asked, “Where’s Joe?”

I don’t want to betray his secret, and I don’t want to lie, so I generally say that he’s not feeling well -- which is true. But then I often get follow-up questions about what is wrong (especially with COVID, since people wonder if contagion is a concern). What should I say?

GENTLE READER: The pandemic has provided a reasonable basis for inquiring, with what had previously been improper nosiness, about other people’s medical conditions.

But fears of contagion should only apply when he is present, not when he is absent. Arm yourself with a few vague phrases and stick to them: “He is just under the weather.” “It is something he gets from time to time.” “It’s nothing to worry about. He’s so sorry not to be able to be here.”

Miss Manners realizes repetition is tedious, but the less said, the better.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at a nonprofit that prides itself on being all-volunteer, with no boss. Decisions are made at monthly meetings. Having worked 35 years at a job with bosses, I understand that dynamic better.

With this volunteer group, it seems everyone is in charge, and personal feelings are expressed frequently. When a decision is made outside of a monthly meeting, I will either abide by it or note that we need to bring it up at the next meeting.

Any advice for dealing with emotional co-workers when you don’t want to proceed as they have told you to, and there is no boss to ask? I believe the understanding is that we are all friends. While I consider some of the volunteers friends, others I do not. Can you clear up my thinking?

GENTLE READER: Your thinking appears to Miss Manners to be clear, except, perhaps, in holding out hope of any decisions coming out of such an organizational arrangement.

Once you have done your best to accommodate or defer decisions-by-fiat of individual co-workers, the only remaining question is how to deal with the emotional outbursts. As providing counseling is presumably not a requirement for volunteering at your nonprofit, Miss Manners recommends a triage approach based on your own astute observation that these are co-workers, not friends.

The first class of outburst -- which we will name “Can I call you an ambulance?” -- is for outbursts in which you would be required to intervene if they happened with a stranger at a bus stop.

The second class -- "I’m so happy/sorry/interested to hear that. Now, what do you think we should do about this aspect of the project?" -- is for everything else, as you attempt to steer things back towards work.

The final class -- “Excuse me, I think Sophie needs some help over there with the label making” -- is for fleeing when all attempts to get things back on topic have failed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law’s father died three weeks ago after a long illness, and I’ve been invited to a celebration of life at my brother and sister-in-law’s house. It starts at 7 p.m. on a weekday. She texted a detailed itinerary that includes a potluck dinner until 9, followed by eulogies and speeches. They’re doing this themselves instead of having a traditional funeral.

Usually, aren’t speeches or services held before a meal, so everyone isn’t forced to stay for hours? I work early the next morning; is there any way I can respectfully leave early?

GENTLE READER: Leaving early will require you to excuse yourself, which means a conversation with either your brother or your sister-in-law. While this could happen at the event, it would be more considerate to clear it beforehand.

Picture this conversation in your mind, using the image of your brother’s face as a guide to whether you can respectfully leave early.

Miss Manners is not suggesting this as a devious way of telling you to stay -- she is not that subtle. Rather, she is asking you to use your judgment in a delicate family matter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)