DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at a nonprofit that prides itself on being all-volunteer, with no boss. Decisions are made at monthly meetings. Having worked 35 years at a job with bosses, I understand that dynamic better.

With this volunteer group, it seems everyone is in charge, and personal feelings are expressed frequently. When a decision is made outside of a monthly meeting, I will either abide by it or note that we need to bring it up at the next meeting.

Any advice for dealing with emotional co-workers when you don’t want to proceed as they have told you to, and there is no boss to ask? I believe the understanding is that we are all friends. While I consider some of the volunteers friends, others I do not. Can you clear up my thinking?

GENTLE READER: Your thinking appears to Miss Manners to be clear, except, perhaps, in holding out hope of any decisions coming out of such an organizational arrangement.

Once you have done your best to accommodate or defer decisions-by-fiat of individual co-workers, the only remaining question is how to deal with the emotional outbursts. As providing counseling is presumably not a requirement for volunteering at your nonprofit, Miss Manners recommends a triage approach based on your own astute observation that these are co-workers, not friends.

The first class of outburst -- which we will name “Can I call you an ambulance?” -- is for outbursts in which you would be required to intervene if they happened with a stranger at a bus stop.

The second class -- "I’m so happy/sorry/interested to hear that. Now, what do you think we should do about this aspect of the project?" -- is for everything else, as you attempt to steer things back towards work.

The final class -- “Excuse me, I think Sophie needs some help over there with the label making” -- is for fleeing when all attempts to get things back on topic have failed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law’s father died three weeks ago after a long illness, and I’ve been invited to a celebration of life at my brother and sister-in-law’s house. It starts at 7 p.m. on a weekday. She texted a detailed itinerary that includes a potluck dinner until 9, followed by eulogies and speeches. They’re doing this themselves instead of having a traditional funeral.

Usually, aren’t speeches or services held before a meal, so everyone isn’t forced to stay for hours? I work early the next morning; is there any way I can respectfully leave early?

GENTLE READER: Leaving early will require you to excuse yourself, which means a conversation with either your brother or your sister-in-law. While this could happen at the event, it would be more considerate to clear it beforehand.

Picture this conversation in your mind, using the image of your brother’s face as a guide to whether you can respectfully leave early.

Miss Manners is not suggesting this as a devious way of telling you to stay -- she is not that subtle. Rather, she is asking you to use your judgment in a delicate family matter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have hired a cleaning woman, and she needs money to save for a newer automobile. She has no family in town, so I’m thinking about asking her to work on Thanksgiving by serving us and cleaning up at the family dinner.

She has opened up to me about very private details of her life, so I feel like I know her on a more personal level. How do I treat her at the dinner? I’m not sure the family would like to have a stranger at the table, and I would feel a bit guilty having her sit by herself to eat elsewhere at Thanksgiving.

How do I help her by providing employment without making her feel somehow inferior or lonely?

GENTLE READER: By giving her extra pay for working on a holiday.

Perhaps you will think it callous of Miss Manners not to invoke the Thanksgiving legend of welcoming all to share in the bounty. But it is not only your relatives who would feel awkward if you were to turn her into some hybrid of server and guest.

Is she to jump up between courses and wait on her fellow diners (who will undoubtedly jump up to help)? Is she to sit in silence while family matters are discussed -- or will the family be inhibited from doing so?

Many people work on holidays, or society would come to a standstill. You seem to consider it pitiful, but in some cases, it is heroic. And lots of people have delayed Thanksgiving celebrations, or just skip the ritual.

Your cleaning woman has the option of accepting or rejecting the extra work when she weighs the prospect of the job against the satisfaction of adding to her car fund.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister loves socks and only buys expensive ones. I was visiting her recently, and a favorite pair (gray wool embroidered with red raspberries and green leaves) went missing. She accused me of taking them. I told her I certainly did not.

When I was leaving and she was embracing me goodbye, she whispered, “I know you took my socks. There was nobody here but me and you, and they vanished.” I assured her again I did not take her socks. I do not even wear socks, myself.

Since then, she has posted online, “joking” that I had stolen her socks but would not admit it. I have been humiliated.

Should I deny her accusation online? Should I speak to her pastor? Finally, what does happen to missing socks?

GENTLE READER: Everyone knows that washing machines and dryers eat socks, although rarely in pairs. The minute you leave the laundry area, the appliances are gurgling with laughter as they envision you left holding a mateless sock.

So it is not only unjust but unamusing to accuse other people of such a ridiculous crime (or any other).

You could ignore the post, safe in the knowledge that no one will really believe you to be a petty thief. But if it bothers you, you could continue the supposed joke. Miss Manners suggests, “Dahlia, dear, look in your dryer.” And, if you want to be mean, “... and at your feet.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a dinner event I attended at a hotel, the tables were 10-foot rounds with tablecloths that went to the floor. The dinner was buffet style, but we were all wearing semi-formal attire.

The woman sitting next to me pulled the tablecloth up from the floor and set it on her lap, proudly saying that she wasn’t going to get any food on her gown. If she hadn’t made this announcement, I likely wouldn’t have noticed she did this. The tablecloth was black, as were our napkins.

Would Miss Manners provide guidance on this practice?

GENTLE READER: George Washington already did!

General Washington, as he correctly wished to be called after his presidency, was a master etiquetteer. It was he who issued the first rules of American protocol, so that it would be dignified without aping European court life.

Much earlier in life, as a schoolboy, he had copied down a list of etiquette rules circulated by Jesuits. And Rule 100 had to do with the misuse of the tablecloth.

True, it specifically prohibited using the tablecloth to clean one’s teeth, and your dinner companion was at least not guilty of that. Nevertheless, the rule should be understood in a broader sense: that the tablecloth should not be put to personal use. Its job is to cover the table. A cloth that may be used to protect the lap from spills, and for patting crumbs or sauces on the mouth, has been issued: the napkin.

That should settle the etiquette aspect. You are surely not going to defy George Washington or, for that matter, argue with a bunch of 18th century Jesuits.

But you have left Miss Manners with the vision of a table laden with glassware, plates and food -- and someone pulling on the tablecloth. Not a good idea.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are a blended family. I invited our adult children to Thanksgiving. They responded by asking if “other people,” i.e. non-family members, might be there. I said possibly. They approached my husband (their father), and emphasized that they want only family members at Thanksgiving.

Is it rude to dictate the guest list when you’re not hosting the party?

GENTLE READER: Didn’t you just say you were a family? And now you are a hostess outraged about guests’ usurping your privileges?

Surely the children of the family may ask if Thanksgiving dinner can be limited to relatives. You and your husband should consider their reasons, which strike Miss Manners as a possible interest in family bonding.

But they should also listen to your reasons -- "But then our widowed neighbor will be alone" -- if you decide to include others. And you will be pleased to know that you do, indeed, get to make the final decision -- not merely as hosts, but as parents who have weighed everyone’s feelings.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If you say, "Would you come for Thanksgiving?," is that an invitation or a demand?

GENTLE READER: An invitation, if you insert the word “please.” Otherwise, it sounds a bit iffy, as in: "Would you come if I asked you?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)