DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a dinner event I attended at a hotel, the tables were 10-foot rounds with tablecloths that went to the floor. The dinner was buffet style, but we were all wearing semi-formal attire.

The woman sitting next to me pulled the tablecloth up from the floor and set it on her lap, proudly saying that she wasn’t going to get any food on her gown. If she hadn’t made this announcement, I likely wouldn’t have noticed she did this. The tablecloth was black, as were our napkins.

Would Miss Manners provide guidance on this practice?

GENTLE READER: George Washington already did!

General Washington, as he correctly wished to be called after his presidency, was a master etiquetteer. It was he who issued the first rules of American protocol, so that it would be dignified without aping European court life.

Much earlier in life, as a schoolboy, he had copied down a list of etiquette rules circulated by Jesuits. And Rule 100 had to do with the misuse of the tablecloth.

True, it specifically prohibited using the tablecloth to clean one’s teeth, and your dinner companion was at least not guilty of that. Nevertheless, the rule should be understood in a broader sense: that the tablecloth should not be put to personal use. Its job is to cover the table. A cloth that may be used to protect the lap from spills, and for patting crumbs or sauces on the mouth, has been issued: the napkin.

That should settle the etiquette aspect. You are surely not going to defy George Washington or, for that matter, argue with a bunch of 18th century Jesuits.

But you have left Miss Manners with the vision of a table laden with glassware, plates and food -- and someone pulling on the tablecloth. Not a good idea.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are a blended family. I invited our adult children to Thanksgiving. They responded by asking if “other people,” i.e. non-family members, might be there. I said possibly. They approached my husband (their father), and emphasized that they want only family members at Thanksgiving.

Is it rude to dictate the guest list when you’re not hosting the party?

GENTLE READER: Didn’t you just say you were a family? And now you are a hostess outraged about guests’ usurping your privileges?

Surely the children of the family may ask if Thanksgiving dinner can be limited to relatives. You and your husband should consider their reasons, which strike Miss Manners as a possible interest in family bonding.

But they should also listen to your reasons -- "But then our widowed neighbor will be alone" -- if you decide to include others. And you will be pleased to know that you do, indeed, get to make the final decision -- not merely as hosts, but as parents who have weighed everyone’s feelings.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If you say, "Would you come for Thanksgiving?," is that an invitation or a demand?

GENTLE READER: An invitation, if you insert the word “please.” Otherwise, it sounds a bit iffy, as in: "Would you come if I asked you?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A genteel, proper tea at a traditional hotel requires one to sit demurely at a table too diminutive for any other posture, while awaiting the arrival of the scones, cream and jam. These are followed by the finger sandwiches, then by miniature pastries, whilst sipping from cups of tea before, during and after each course. (Only the simper is missing, but one is generally too busy to bother.)

While sharing such an interlude with a couple of my female friends, we each broke our scones with our fingers. Then, holding a morsel of scone, we applied and spread gobs of cream and jam with spoons and knives, respectively, then lifted them to our lips and enjoyed. The finger sandwiches were also picked up, lifted to the lips and eaten.

Now the tricky part: the miniature pastries, each consumable in two dainty bites or three delicate nibbles. My friends made their choices, placed pastries on plates and proceeded to dissect cream-filled puff pastries with fork and knife, conveying the morsels to the lips with the fork.

Alone among the three of us, I lifted pastry to lips using my fingers and held each successively smaller remainder until all was consumed. (I promise you I did not lick my fingers clean when finished. Mostly.)

While this is not a major etiquette question, it’s been eating at me for some time. Did I make a faux pas? Or was I correct?

GENTLE READER: Passably. The attempt at historical food porn, less so. But entertaining, nevertheless.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to ask someone alone with a laptop at a coffeeshop to share the table?

GENTLE READER: On the contrary: It seems like pretty good assurance that neither of you will have to make small talk.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have embraced a hobby that is seeing a resurgence amongst young people: knitting. But I’m concerned it may be impolite to knit in the presence of others.

For instance, is knitting while riding on a train with a companion acceptable? How about while visiting intimates’ homes, while they are engaged in their own activities -- such as cooking, but still chatting?

How about knitting in a public place, such as a coffeeshop? When an acquaintance approaches, may I resume knitting after a warm greeting?

Although knitting is a rather mindless activity, allowing talking but interrupting eye contact, I am concerned others may be jealous that I have a fun activity if they do not.

GENTLE READER: Is this not why knitting circles were invented?

Trains, coffeeshops and the homes of intimates who are similarly occupied seem to Miss Manners acceptable situations in which to break out the yarn. Not so much for formal settings like weddings, funerals or coronations.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the polite way to eat large sushi rolls? Sometimes they’re too big to comfortably eat whole without gagging!

GENTLE READER: Dissect them.

Miss Manners does not usually condone deconstructing food in public, but these are desperate times. Use your chopsticks to pull out the insides and eat them separately. Then either squish the remaining rice and seaweed together and eat it in two bites or use the side of the chopstick to cut it in half.

Perhaps the sight of their beautiful creations being desecrated will inspire the chefs to make more manageable bites. Or at least have them wonder why everyone is suddenly ordering them as takeout instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I were discussing dating reciprocity, and we both agree that even with “old-fashioned” concepts, things must be reciprocated. The gentleman will pay for dinner the first time, but then the lady must reciprocate the next time.

However, if the lady does not have an income sufficient to fund dinner for two at a restaurant, what should she do? If the relationship is new and she does not yet wish to entertain her gentleman friend in her home (unchaperoned), what are some low-cost options that she might offer as a next date?

I thought of a summer picnic, but are there other options that might take place in the colder months?

GENTLE READER: Coffee? Tea? Miss Manners will resist adding “Me?” -- since presumably that is the reason for not hosting in her home (unchaperoned) in the first place.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Six weeks ago, a friend and I scheduled a meetup. We have not seen each other in person for more than a year. One day before our scheduled appointment, I texted her to ask where she would like to get together.

This was her response: “Oh, I did not put this in my calendar and we are leaving in a couple days to go overseas. Let’s reconnect in the fall. Apologies.”

Would it be rude of me not to respond to this text? Honestly, given that she did not even put our appointment in her calendar and did not reach out to reschedule or cancel when she made other plans, I don’t want to signal that I am OK with how lightly she treated our plan to get together.

At the same time, I don’t want to send a snippy response -- that’s not who I am. Can I let my silence speak for itself?

GENTLE READER: Friends should generally be allowed one scheduling mishap every few years. It is when it happens every single time that we start reconsidering the friendship.

So while Miss Manners understands your annoyance, she suggests an alternative to silence that is still not snippy: “Oh, I am so disappointed. I was looking forward to seeing you, and had it in my calendar. But yes, let’s please get together once you are back.”

The advantage is that it will make her feel just a little bit bad -- and therefore less likely to forget about you again come fall.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)