DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are disagreeing on what a proper RSVP is. I sent out digital invitations for my son’s birthday party and requested people RSVP to me. Many of his family members “liked” the digital invitation, but did not specifically respond as to whether or not they were attending.

I told my husband that no one from his family had responded, but he thinks the fact that they “liked” the invitation is their RSVP. I don’t agree with this, especially since there are families being invited with children who do not have their own phones to “like” the invitation.

Even if this counts as their response, how do I know whether to expect one person or their entire five-person family?

GENTLE READER: When they first appeared, Miss Manners was assured that electronic invitations would be such an improvement over the old handwritten form, because everyone would respond quickly and it would save everyone all the time and tediousness of -- something. She had stopped listening by then.

Instead, the same people who had responded to handwritten invitations responded to electronic ones -- and the same people who failed to respond to one also failed to respond to the other. And the people who did respond could still be endlessly nagged, because somehow the computer didn't record their response, and everyone could be dunned for presents or photos or just cash.

So you can imagine her reaction at learning that there is now a way to respond that is unintelligible to the hostess.

Does this thing have a Very Much Dislike button?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I participate in an organization with quite a few members. Apparently, I resemble one of the leaders of the organization. I am frequently mistaken for this person, although I don’t think we really look alike.

Usually, people apologize when they address me by the other person’s name, but occasionally people seem put out, as if I were trying to trick them or act as an impersonator.

What is the polite way to tell people I am not the other person without raising their hackles? Sometimes I almost feel like they expect me to apologize!

GENTLE READER: Your final exclamation suggests that you doubt your own assessment that anyone could be so irrational as to blame you for their mistake.

But Miss Manners assures you it is actually a common -- which is not to say acceptable -- reaction in such situations.

The correct way to react to being mistaken for someone else will depend on the other person's behavior. It is an embarrassing situation for them, so if they make a genuine apology, help them out by accepting the apology quickly and changing the subject.

With anyone rude enough to display resentment, you may smile when you deny being the other person. This is not rude; you are merely declining to help them out of the hole they have dug -- and apparently wish to continue excavating.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a divorced woman with no nearby family, so I am often invited to the homes of various close friends on holidays. Last year, I was invited to a Thanksgiving with about 30 people.

Upon receiving the invite, I offered to bring a couple of homemade pies. The hosts replied that they would instead like me to bring SIX bottles of wine, plus several containers of ice cream. I’m not the kind of person who brings cheap wine, so my contribution cost me about $150.

Upon arrival, I noticed that other folks brought more typical contributions, like a side dish, bakery items, etc.

Is there a way to respond to such a request, which I consider excessive and inappropriate, if it happens again? By the way, these people have plenty of money, so it’s not a question of being unable to provide for their guests.

GENTLE READER: The next request will not be exactly the same, so Miss Manners is going to give you the means to construct a more general response.

What you should have said when asked was, “I would be so happy to do the whole dessert. I know a perfect ice cream that would go with the pies. But since it is 30 people, would you mind terribly if I don’t do the wine?”

The key points to this answer were: You expressed excitement; you expanded what you originally offered -- thus meeting your hostess halfway; you made clear -- gently -- that she was asking too much; and you left the final determination in her hands.

You also declined to give reasons for your counteroffer (you don’t know anything about wine; it won’t fit in your car; you are allergic to cabernet), which would only have encouraged your hostess to haggle. Finally, you gave your contribution a name (dessert), which, to Miss Manners at least, lends the power of thematic unity to what was otherwise a mere shopping list.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I have a close, loving relationship with my sister and her husband, despite living hundreds of miles apart. We speak frequently and make several overnight visits to each other’s homes each year.

The problem is that my sister often invites friends of theirs, whom they see often, to their home when we are visiting. We do not care for their friends, and their conversations often devolve into discussions about people we've never met and neighborhood happenings we know nothing about.

How do we politely ask my sister not to invite her friends over when we are visiting?

GENTLE READER: If you were to ask your sister, would she not say she is trying to draw you into her circle and her life?

Miss Manners asks because if you dislike her friends only for talking about people you do not know, she agrees that is to be avoided -- but also thinks you might make the effort to get to know them. Paradoxically, she would only recommend speaking with your sister if you can put forward a more positive reason -- hoping to spend more time with her, rather than less time with people she likes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While acknowledging gratitude for being invited to quite a few social events, how do I decline an invitation that I have little interest in attending? (Yes, I gladly attend special birthday celebrations and all 50th wedding anniversaries.)

“I’m sorry, I can’t make it” is honest, but does etiquette require valid reasons for absences? Such as, “Sorry, I’m having a baby that day” instead of, “No thanks, I’m not interested.”

“I’m sorry, I’m under the weather” might be OK to use (in truth, we are all “under” the weather), but only as a last-minute excuse, not for an advanced RSVP. I trust you understand my quandary.

GENTLE READER: Use any of those excuses, and someone is bound to post a picture of you enjoying yourself elsewhere, even if you were just caught with a fleeting smile on your way to the grocery store.

It is for that reason -- and we can throw in a moral one for free -- that Miss Manners counsels that if you do not have a presentable excuse, you should not claim one.

You are required to express thanks at being invited and regret at not being able to accept. (You do have some regret, don’t you? Well, conjure some up, even if you are sorry only about the inability to be frank.)

Most hosts are satisfied with that -- and probably grateful to get any definite answer. Should one be so rude as to ask why you cannot attend, just keep repeating the formula ("You're so kind to invite me; I'm so sorry I can’t go") until you get a surrender.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For 15 years, since our two daughters have had partners whom they married, my husband and I chose to have Thanksgiving dinner on Friday so our kids could spend Thursday with their in-laws.

This year, our younger daughter announced that she was starting her own family tradition and having Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday at her newly purchased home. We were invited to attend. She said she would be too tired to come to our dinner on Friday.

This daughter and her husband have also counted the number of times my husband and I have visited them, and decided that they want "one more visit per year" in the interest of "the importance of family." Any advice?

GENTLE READER: Yes: Go to your younger daughter’s for Thanksgiving on Thursday, and tell her you would be delighted to plan another visit. Your Friday Thanksgivings were kindly done for your children’s convenience, and surely you are not trying to claim them as an inviolable tradition.

Miss Manners is guessing that the problem has to do with the other daughter’s Thanksgiving. The younger one has probably not invited her sister’s extended family.

In that case, you will be consuming a lot of turkey and cranberry sauce. Your daughters have been doing double Thanksgivings for years -- as do many who can’t assemble their families for whatever reason -- so you know it won’t kill you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)