DEAR MISS MANNERS: For almost 20 years, I’ve worked with the same group of nine people. Every birthday is celebrated with a party, cake and gifts. Every birthday, every year ... except mine.

No one, including myself, has ever commented on the omission in all these years. Twice, I threw out a hint by asking if anyone had dined at a certain restaurant, as my husband was taking me there next week for my birthday. But no one acted upon the clue.

I don’t care as much about the party or gifts as I do about the recognition that I exist. I know I should have spoken up years ago, but didn’t.

Shall I continue to keep silent and celebrate privately? Perhaps whisper the omission into a co-worker’s ear and repeat that process until it’s acted upon? Quietly proclaim that as I’ve never been an honoree, I no longer care to be a participant?

I can’t for the life of me find a polite way to shout out, “Hey! What about ME?”

GENTLE READER: It is hard for Miss Manners to believe that, for 20 years, your nine co-workers have adamantly refused to acknowledge your birthday while flagrantly celebrating their own. It is more likely there is a list somewhere, made by someone in HR or management who has long since left the company, and that your birthday was inadvertently omitted from it.

If you really need office cake this badly, she suggests you go to current HR or management and ask -- in a polite, non-accusatory, somewhat apologetic and embarrassed way -- if that is the case. If not, from everything Miss Manners has heard about workplace birthday parties, someone may well be happy to swap theirs out for yours.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last year, I had a major health event, which all my friends know about. I am still recovering and get tired easily.

When a group of friends are dining out, once we’ve finished and paid, one person sometimes wants to stay and nurse their drink and chat. And because I have manners, I don’t feel it’s polite or nice to leave them at the table alone.

However, I then end up staying way past my physical limit, feeling angry and resentful for being “stuck” due to common courtesy.

What is the right course of action here? I want to simply say, “I’m sorry that I can’t stay to keep you company. I wish I could, but I’m completely exhausted and need to get home and rest.”

One time, it was snowing and the person who elected to stay had no ride home. Yes, she could’ve gotten a ride-share, but it was late at night. I feel like I should’ve said something like, “I’m sorry, but I need to leave now, so if you want a ride home, we’ll have to go.”

GENTLE READER: Either of these responses is polite. But Miss Manners assures you that using your recovery as an excuse is not necessary. You are allowed to be tired and go home whenever you want. Clearly, your other friends have no problem with the concept.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a friend who frequently invites us by for brunch. She has a lovely, immaculate, pet-free and pristine home. We feel as though we should reciprocate the invitation.

However, our home is the antithesis of hers: small, cluttered and quite pet-friendly. We want to invite her over, but we feel that she would not be comfortable in our home. Plus, she often doesn’t even eat much of the food that she serves at brunch, so we aren’t even sure of her dietary preferences.

Should we not worry too much about these things and go ahead with an offered invitation? We don’t want to put her on the spot, but we also don’t want her to think we only want to see her in her own home.

GENTLE READER: Presuming that one’s home or food will never be good enough for an exceptional host has left many an exceptional host exasperated and resentful that their generosity is never reciprocated.

Miss Manners therefore insists that you invite this friend over immediately. Clean your house, inquire about allergies (both pet and food) and do your best. Your friend will no doubt appreciate the effort.

Because for all you know, the minute you leave her pristine house, the crammed closets burst open and the critters run for their lives.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were going on vacation for our anniversary. When our neighbors learned we were renting a two-bedroom, two-bathroom condo, they invited themselves along. We didn’t know how to say no, but were a bit encouraged by the thought that our rental would be cheaper shared.

The couple, unknown to us, thought the trip was free for them. They kept telling everyone we met that they were on a free vacation, when we'd paid nearly $3,000 for the accommodations. They did not pay a penny, nor have they offered.

Are we wrong for thinking this was rude? How can we politely ask them to pay a portion of the costs?

GENTLE READER: First, Miss Manners must teach you how to say no politely.

Inviting oneself on an anniversary trip is already appalling. Expecting it to be paid for is bonkers.

What you could have said at the time was, “This is an anniversary trip, but we would be happy to figure out an occasion to vacation with you. Perhaps when it is the anniversary of us being neighbors?”

But if you really feel that you had no choice and now want some compensation out of the deal, you can still tell them, “You know, I should have said so in the first place, but we were not expecting to have guests for our anniversary trip. However, since you came along, your half of the condo is XYZ dollars.”

Do not pose this as a question. And if they balk at it and push back? Tell them the polite no that you should have told them in the first place.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I went to a professional baseball game, part of our ticket package gave us access to a special club at the stadium that features a large buffet.

We got to the club shortly after it opened, about an hour before the game started, and a large number of people were already there. There weren’t many places left to sit, but we were able to find a tall table with four chairs.

After we’d finished eating, but were still enjoying our beverages and chatting, another couple came up and asked if we were saving the two other chairs for anyone. We responded that we were not, and they decided to join us.

I was a little annoyed, since we’d made sure that we were at the club in plenty of time to get the table. But, as seats were at a premium, I didn’t think there was much I could do.

My husband and I continued with our drinks, and occasionally got up to grab a snack. (I should note that our seats in the stadium were directly in the sun, so staying in the shaded club area overlooking the game seemed like a more comfortable option than going to our seats.)

As the other couple was finishing up their meal, and I was hoping they’d be on their way, they greeted some of their friends and said, “Please, come join us.”

I was furious. Not only had the couple overstayed their welcome at our table, but now they were asking all of their friends to join them.

As four other chairs were pulled up, I looked at the woman and stated sarcastically, “No, please, by all means. Take my chair. I was just using it.”

Luckily my husband and I were able to find another table (and we removed all extraneous chairs), but it took a while. How would Miss Manners have handled the situation?

GENTLE READER: You would likely agree were Miss Manners to say that the club’s policy is first come, first served. But in a world with more people than tables, she does not agree that arriving early absolves you of any obligation to consider others.

She mentions this because she cannot help noticing that the second couple’s behavior seems to have changed: When they politely asked to join your table, you took offense. You do not mention if this showed in your behavior, but it seems likely, as the couple then neglected to consult you when their friends arrived -- after which you actively insulted them.

To answer your question: Miss Manners might have been disappointed that space was limited, but she would have behaved politely and shared the table -- or, to put it in terms relevant to the occasion, been a good sport about it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an elderly friend who is a widow. I truly love her, but she texts me too much: often four texts in a row, day after day. How can I tell her in a nice way to stop?

GENTLE READER: By setting an example: Answer at your own pace.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)