DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend has started a romantic relationship, and although I’m delighted for her, I’m now finding the volume and intensity of her conversations difficult. We don’t seem to talk about anything other than her boyfriend: where they go, what he thinks and how often they have sex.

She’s also become flaky -- cancelling plans with an hour’s notice as she’s now “tired.” And she seldom answers the phone or returns a text.

As I’m now the last single person in our group of friends, and she has been a close and dear friend for a long time, I’m worried I’ll be seen as jealous if I say I’d like to talk about other things or that I’d like to be treated respectfully when plans are made. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: How often they have sex? Ewww.

But be patient a bit longer. The reason many wedding vows use the "Tale of Two Cities" best-of-times/worst-of-times rhetoric is that long-term human relationships are not static.

This will be true of your friend’s romantic relationship, and it is true of your friendship with her. If you can have a little patience with her now, Miss Manners expects her to reciprocate when you need her for any number of upheavals, good or bad, in your own life.

But you can still change the subject once in a while.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette when waiting for a ride from someone?

I was always taught to stand outside and wait for the kind person giving me a ride or, at the very least, to keep a sharp eye out. But when I went to pick up a teenager, he was inside, watching TV. He expected me to go up to his house and knock to let him know that I was there! He thinks I am crazy for expecting him to wait outside for me.

GENTLE READER: The rule has always been, and continues to be, not to inconvenience someone doing you a favor -- in this case, the driver.

How that is accomplished has been changed by the appearance of such things as cellular telephones, so that it is no longer necessary to huddle under the nearest overhang in the rain, squinting for approaching headlights.

Miss Manners agrees that even a teenager should not expect the driver to make it all the way to the television. But he could exert himself to watch his phone for news of your arrival.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During the last year of my father’s life, he referred to my late mother as both his "ex-wife" and his "former wife." They were married at the time of her death.

I had learned in school that “ex” and “former” referred to living people that you'd lost to a divorce, where people you'd lost to death were “late.”

Am I right?

GENTLE READER: You are correct, except that Miss Manners is not familiar with the phrase “lost to a divorce,” which implies a regret they may not feel. Participants speaking about what they lost in the divorce tend to focus on more material objects.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Increasingly these days, both men and women wear T-shirts with messages, mottos and insults emblazoned on them. Presumably, at least part of the intent is to communicate something. I enjoy looking at them and trying to decipher the messages.

However, to do so with women may involve a prolonged and possibly unwanted stare at their chests, especially since I am a slow reader. What would Miss Manners recommend in such situations?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners agrees that people who turn themselves into billboards must expect to be read. But she finds it disingenuous of you to suggest that T-shirt messages are so long or dense as to require the reader to give them prolonged attention.

You are allowed one glance -- and no leaning in closely, even if you are nearsighted. Then move on.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a twin sister who lives in the same town that I do. We look reasonably similar, especially to those who don’t know us well. We share some social circles, but of course we also have many separate acquaintances, co-workers and friends.

My dilemma is that often, when someone in public greets me or begins a conversation with me, I either don’t know them at all or I vaguely recognize them as an acquaintance of my sister's (say, a member of her church or extended family). There’s always the slight chance (and fear) that this is someone I do know and have failed to recall, but chances are that this person has mistaken me for my sister.

I can never think of a polite way to clarify the situation. Occasionally an easy solution will present itself, such as them asking about my twin's husband or child, but most often I wind up giving short, awkward answers and exiting the situation as quickly as possible. I’m sure this leaves people thinking I (or rather, my twin sister) was rather rude.

On the occasions that I have helped them realize their mistake, they usually feel really embarrassed and upset.

I know she must have the same problem; I often will have people tell me, “I ran into you at the grocery store last week and you acted as if you didn’t even know me!”

Is there a polite way to handle a case of mistaken identity without making others feel flustered or uncomfortable for their mistake?

GENTLE READER: No doubt you have to put up with countless tedious remarks and jokes, for which Miss Manners offers her your sympathy.

But these are honest mistakes. You need only say, “No, that must have been my sister.” Or, if you have some doubt, an ambiguous but good-natured, “Sorry -- I’m so often mistaken for my twin sister.”

Besides, can you honestly tell Miss Manners that you have never enjoyed playing tricks on people by switching identities? Even as children? (But not, she trusts, by taking each other’s exams in whichever subject each of you happened to be stronger. Just harmless fooling.)

She is only suggesting that there may be charms, as well as nuisances, to twinship.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I got married over a decade ago, there was no bridal shower or wedding reception. We started to plan a reception, but it was canceled by his aunt and my mother; they did not ask me or my husband. They promised to plan a reception for us later, but never did.

All we wanted was a simple potluck, and we were willing to make most of it because my husband is an excellent cook and I can bake.

It was embarrassing for me, because it made me the only woman in my church, and in my family, to be denied a wedding reception and a bridal shower. But it hurt my husband more. He feels like my family never really welcomed him, and it’s a big reason why he doesn’t want anything to do with my mom.

I don’t know how to fix this. If I tried to hold a "reception" now, my family would only show up out of obligation, which would just hurt my husband more and embarrass me all over again. We could do a vow renewal ceremony, but that would also just make the situation worse, I fear. He’s an atheist and I am without a religion at the moment, and both of our families are fairly religious. We would have to have a member of the clergy involved to avoid hearing the riot act from our families.

Would it be rude to have any kind of celebration of our wedding this late? Would it be rude to do it without inviting either family? Should I tell my mom why my husband really hates her?

How do I fix this so my husband feels like our wedding has been properly recognized?

GENTLE READER: Oh, dear. It is unfortunate that your relatives behaved irresponsibly when you got married. And Miss Manners understands the importance of ceremonial traditions.

So you will perhaps forgive her for saying that it is high time to let go of a wedding fantasy/grudge.

You’ve had a successful marriage for more than 10 years -- or you wouldn’t be thinking of renewing your vows! Why aren’t you celebrating?

Throw yourselves an anniversary party in whatever style you like. If you maintain a lighthearted atmosphere, you can get away with adding whatever wedding trimmings you want -- a white dress, a tiered cake and some newly written vows, now that you know more about each other.

Just, please, no bridal shower.

As for the families: Invite them or not, as you like. This is not a wedding, where it would be pointed to omit them. If they have treated your husband badly all these years, you will not want them there anyway.

Conversely, if the canceled reception is your only complaint, including them may finally make peace among you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister’s family celebrates holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, etc. with family gatherings -- which are very lovely. However, they always set a time to open gifts in front of everyone.

I feel that this practice may put those who cannot afford splendid gifts in an uncomfortable position. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: That you should stop the nasty practice of evaluating presents in monetary terms, and appreciate them all as expressions of generosity.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)