DEAR MISS MANNERS: Increasingly these days, both men and women wear T-shirts with messages, mottos and insults emblazoned on them. Presumably, at least part of the intent is to communicate something. I enjoy looking at them and trying to decipher the messages.

However, to do so with women may involve a prolonged and possibly unwanted stare at their chests, especially since I am a slow reader. What would Miss Manners recommend in such situations?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners agrees that people who turn themselves into billboards must expect to be read. But she finds it disingenuous of you to suggest that T-shirt messages are so long or dense as to require the reader to give them prolonged attention.

You are allowed one glance -- and no leaning in closely, even if you are nearsighted. Then move on.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a twin sister who lives in the same town that I do. We look reasonably similar, especially to those who don’t know us well. We share some social circles, but of course we also have many separate acquaintances, co-workers and friends.

My dilemma is that often, when someone in public greets me or begins a conversation with me, I either don’t know them at all or I vaguely recognize them as an acquaintance of my sister's (say, a member of her church or extended family). There’s always the slight chance (and fear) that this is someone I do know and have failed to recall, but chances are that this person has mistaken me for my sister.

I can never think of a polite way to clarify the situation. Occasionally an easy solution will present itself, such as them asking about my twin's husband or child, but most often I wind up giving short, awkward answers and exiting the situation as quickly as possible. I’m sure this leaves people thinking I (or rather, my twin sister) was rather rude.

On the occasions that I have helped them realize their mistake, they usually feel really embarrassed and upset.

I know she must have the same problem; I often will have people tell me, “I ran into you at the grocery store last week and you acted as if you didn’t even know me!”

Is there a polite way to handle a case of mistaken identity without making others feel flustered or uncomfortable for their mistake?

GENTLE READER: No doubt you have to put up with countless tedious remarks and jokes, for which Miss Manners offers her your sympathy.

But these are honest mistakes. You need only say, “No, that must have been my sister.” Or, if you have some doubt, an ambiguous but good-natured, “Sorry -- I’m so often mistaken for my twin sister.”

Besides, can you honestly tell Miss Manners that you have never enjoyed playing tricks on people by switching identities? Even as children? (But not, she trusts, by taking each other’s exams in whichever subject each of you happened to be stronger. Just harmless fooling.)

She is only suggesting that there may be charms, as well as nuisances, to twinship.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I got married over a decade ago, there was no bridal shower or wedding reception. We started to plan a reception, but it was canceled by his aunt and my mother; they did not ask me or my husband. They promised to plan a reception for us later, but never did.

All we wanted was a simple potluck, and we were willing to make most of it because my husband is an excellent cook and I can bake.

It was embarrassing for me, because it made me the only woman in my church, and in my family, to be denied a wedding reception and a bridal shower. But it hurt my husband more. He feels like my family never really welcomed him, and it’s a big reason why he doesn’t want anything to do with my mom.

I don’t know how to fix this. If I tried to hold a "reception" now, my family would only show up out of obligation, which would just hurt my husband more and embarrass me all over again. We could do a vow renewal ceremony, but that would also just make the situation worse, I fear. He’s an atheist and I am without a religion at the moment, and both of our families are fairly religious. We would have to have a member of the clergy involved to avoid hearing the riot act from our families.

Would it be rude to have any kind of celebration of our wedding this late? Would it be rude to do it without inviting either family? Should I tell my mom why my husband really hates her?

How do I fix this so my husband feels like our wedding has been properly recognized?

GENTLE READER: Oh, dear. It is unfortunate that your relatives behaved irresponsibly when you got married. And Miss Manners understands the importance of ceremonial traditions.

So you will perhaps forgive her for saying that it is high time to let go of a wedding fantasy/grudge.

You’ve had a successful marriage for more than 10 years -- or you wouldn’t be thinking of renewing your vows! Why aren’t you celebrating?

Throw yourselves an anniversary party in whatever style you like. If you maintain a lighthearted atmosphere, you can get away with adding whatever wedding trimmings you want -- a white dress, a tiered cake and some newly written vows, now that you know more about each other.

Just, please, no bridal shower.

As for the families: Invite them or not, as you like. This is not a wedding, where it would be pointed to omit them. If they have treated your husband badly all these years, you will not want them there anyway.

Conversely, if the canceled reception is your only complaint, including them may finally make peace among you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister’s family celebrates holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, etc. with family gatherings -- which are very lovely. However, they always set a time to open gifts in front of everyone.

I feel that this practice may put those who cannot afford splendid gifts in an uncomfortable position. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: That you should stop the nasty practice of evaluating presents in monetary terms, and appreciate them all as expressions of generosity.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attend a small college of about 550 students. Although I am on friendly terms with many of them, my close friend group is about five people.

Lately I’ve been dealing with clingy folks who don’t give me space. They will demand conversations as late as 11 p.m., walk with me wherever I go, and whenever they see me, they want to talk for over an hour. When I try to set boundaries by gracefully excusing myself to study, they sometimes still follow me.

It’s not just studying for which I excuse myself, either. Sometimes I would just appreciate some time alone to read or call a friend. Is wanting time alone a legitimate reason for excusing myself? And if they still refuse to give me that time alone, what are your suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Telling someone that you would rather be alone than have to endure their companionship is discourteous. But the good news is you do not need an excuse at all.

“I’m sorry, but I really have to go. I will catch up with you later,” is all Miss Manners suggests you say.

And then run.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do I need to place a fresh, unused bar of soap in the guest bathroom for every new guest I host? Sometimes people stay for just one night. Tossing soap that’s only been used once seems wasteful. Doesn’t soap “clean” itself with every use?

GENTLE READER: Does it? Miss Manners has often wondered about the mechanics of that herself.

As long as the soap is adequately inspected and cleared of debris, she sees nothing wrong with reusing it. Just promise not to let it devolve into that weird splintering thing it becomes when it has clearly seen too many guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Like many old women, I object to being called “young lady” and I find it offensive. (I do not want anyone to call me this, but only older men tend to do so.) When I point out to them that I am not young, they either argue with me or scold me for not being “young at heart.”

My mother used to tell such men to get new glasses. That was not successful, either. It seems harsh to inform them that if they persist in calling me “young lady,” I will try to avoid them. Do you have any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: “If I, at my age, am a young lady, then what does that make you?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a high-rise in a large retirement community. I run into various neighbors in the lobby, on the stoop and in the hallway every time I am leaving or returning. I am always asked where I am going or where I have been. I am not comfortable sharing this information, but I don’t want to be rude. How can I respond?

GENTLE READER: With a cheery “Just out!” or “Running errands!” accompanied by a smile and a wave -- and no attempt to slow your gait for follow-up questions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)