DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have skills and interests that are rather unusual in modern times. I enjoy these hobbies immensely, though I make a point of not bringing them up with new acquaintances, since they are not likely to make a two-way conversation flow.

When I meet a friend of a friend, however, my interests are invariably a part of the introduction, usually followed by a comment like, “She’s so good at everything, it makes me sick!”

I am certainly not good at everything. There are plenty of things I am just terrible at! Perhaps there is talent in what I do well, beyond the learning of a skill, but I have worked hard to develop that talent -- not to show off, but just because it fascinates me.

I would be absolutely thrilled to teach anyone who wanted to learn, since I hate to think of these skills becoming extinct. Really, anybody who wanted to learn could.

I realize that my friends mean to express admiration for skills they do not possess and do not care to gain, but being told I "make them sick" is very off-putting to me, and I have no idea how I am supposed to respond.

GENTLE READER: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I never dreamed my little interests would upset you. Are you going to be all right?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My hair is so thin on top you can see my scalp. I am going to an upscale evening wedding. Would it be a social error to wear a hat?

GENTLE READER: Aren’t weddings what hats are for? Well, enhancing heads, too.

Perhaps you are concerned because it is an evening wedding. But in that case, you wear what is aptly called a fascinator -- something whimsical but without a brim, strategically placed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother and his wife were visiting me for a week. During that week, I was invited to a barbecue at the home of some old friends.

I explained that my brother and sister-in-law were visiting and asked if it would be OK for them to attend. The hostess said “of course.” I made extra portions of food and brought them along.

Now, my spouse has said that it was rude of me to accept the invitation and that by asking whether my visiting brother could attend I was putting the hostess on the spot and that she could not say no.

As these are old friends, and I have met many of their families at other events (including ones I have hosted), I didn’t think asking this question about my own relatives was rude. Was it?

GENTLE READER: Well, there is a formula that makes it easier on the hostess. If you say, “Oh, we’d love to, but my brother and sister-in-law are visiting then,” she can say either “Please bring them” or “I’d love to meet them another time.”

There are polite ways to say no. If not, we would all be at the mercy of anyone suggesting anything.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had season tickets to the orchestra for a couple of decades. For evening concerts, the orchestra wears white tie, and women soloists wear evening dress. For afternoon concerts, the soloists still wear evening dress, and the men in the orchestra wear black suits, black shirts and black ties.

The musicians who are women, however, wear an assortment of black clothes: from black slacks with a regular black shirt to an orchestra musician’s traditional long black dress.

In my opinion, some of the women look as though they should be turning on the TV and getting a big bowl of popcorn.

GENTLE READER: Strange, isn’t it, that when formal clothes are called for, men are often now more dressed up than women? Not counting the Oscars, of course.

Miss Manners has noticed this in orchestras, but also at social events. The men will be properly -- not to mention attractively -- clad in dinner jackets, while many of the women hardly bother to dress up.

Granted, women are expected to show variety in their outfits, and there are unlikely to be enough formal events in modern life for them to invest in an evening wardrobe.

But even when such occasions were more common, ladies knew how to dress up without maintaining costume shops -- pairing basic dresses with scarves, jewelry or little jackets. Miss Manners herself once managed one carry-on bag to the Wagner festival at Bayreuth -- encompassing 10 formal evenings -- with one evening dress and a different look every night.

As for orchestras, surely women musicians can find long black dresses or trouser suits they can wear at every concert. Variety is not a concern in this case.

Of course, these garments would have to allow for ease in playing their instruments. Miss Manners recalls reading about a cellist who tried on a dress in a New York department store by sitting down and opening her legs to accommodate an imaginary cello -- whereupon the saleswoman said sternly, “Madam! Bergdorf’s is not that kind of store!”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m in my late 70s and enjoy spending time with my adult children. My son-in-law drives a van, which is very hard for me to get into. I would prefer to take our car, which is easy for me. However, anytime we go as a group, we take his van.

When I asked my husband what we might do to avoid my difficulty, he just said, “(Son-in-law) likes to drive.”

I’m spending my second day in pain from getting in and out of this van. Would it be rude of me to insist on taking our car? How should I express my needs without seeming too demanding? Also, I’m not able to drive at night.

GENTLE READER: So you really need your son-in-law’s help in getting around, and it is not unreasonable for him to use his own car -- especially as there seem to be several people in this group, and a van is probably a better fit.

Miss Manners is not unsympathetic with you; she mentions this only to free you from any sense of victimhood. And then to tell you to buy a small folding footstool to keep in the van for these excursions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After several decades of typing on keyboards, I have lost my ability to write nicely by hand. My solution is to send electronic notes -- for expressing appreciation, recognizing significant events, etc.

There are several lovely e-card forms available. Using them results in more timely responses, as well as significant savings over printed cards and postage.

I feel it would be nice if Miss Manners would acknowledge that electronic thank-yous are as valid as handwritten in today’s communication environment. Any thank-you is better than no thank-you at all.

GENTLE READER: Sorry, but you will have to snatch the fountain pen out of Miss Manners’ cold, lifeless hand before she agrees that electronic messages are as meaningful as handwritten ones.

She will concede, however, that any response is better than no response (has it really come to this?) as long as the sentiment itself is not computer-generated. “Thank you for the (insert present) that you gave me. It was very special and/or significant” is not fooling anyone.

As for your argument about saving money? Miss Manners highly doubts that the dozen or so letters you write annually is anywhere near the equivalent cost of the computer that you no doubt replace every few years.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in a rough spot financially. I really can’t afford to attend concerts, grab coffee, dine at restaurants, etc.

Every time a friend makes a request to spend time together, I have to turn them down because I can’t afford the outing. Every time someone asks me to contribute to a fundraiser for their children, or to a cause they represent, I must leave the request hanging.

Can you provide a graceful way to decline that hints as to why? I know I am under no obligation to give a reason for declining, but when I’m saying "no" every single time someone invites me to socialize, they are naturally going to begin to speculate why. I would hate for them to conclude that I am simply miserly or uninterested in the friendship.

I have an advanced education and work in a field that people often assume pays well; I suspect that makes people quick to jump to conclusions other than a lack of money.

GENTLE READER: What you are likely referencing is Miss Manners’ advice that one not provide excuses when declining invitations. Doing so usually requires lying -- or sharing too much truth.

But as you say, if you keep telling your friends "no" with zero follow-up, they are going to assume you are rejecting the friendship, not the events to which you are invited. A minimal explanation, such as, “Thank you, I’m watching my budget, but I would love to see you for a walk/picnic/free museum” should suffice without exposing your entire financial situation.

But for those seeking contributions for fundraisers, ignoring or rejecting the request is fine. If you feel compelled to give a brief explanation, “Thank you, but my discretionary funds are allocated elsewhere” is plenty. That they are being allocated toward your own bills and groceries need not be disclosed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)