DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I went out to a newly opened restaurant for dinner. Towards the end of the meal, the waiter asked how things were.
I replied that my meal (chicken parm over spaghetti) was very good, but that the deep cast-iron dish it had been baked in, and subsequently served in, was challenging to eat from.
My wife chastised me for saying this, which I thought was odd coming from an outspoken woman. She said that I should have only said how good the food was, since the waitstaff has no control over the serving dishes. Apparently, according to her, I’m only supposed to say something if it’s a compliment.
GENTLE READER: Your wife, like just about everyone else, has mistaken the restaurant-customer relationship for a social one.
However pleasant the atmosphere as a setting for socializing, restaurants are businesses that sell cooked food. Especially as this is a new restaurant, its owners want you to return and to recommend it.
So while it would be rude to criticize a private host’s meal, it is not only acceptable but also useful to state politely any concerns at restaurants. A waiter should not take this personally, but should assure you that the criticism is useful and will be reported.
What Miss Manners finds worse than your wife’s confusion is that many people also do the opposite and treat private hosts as if they were running businesses: dictating or criticizing the menu, seizing leftovers, and even failing to show up after accepting invitations. They might not dare to do the latter to a restaurant, for legitimate fear of being charged.