DEAR NATALIE: I am at a total loss with one of my closest friends. She has started to date my ex-boyfriend who I was with for three years. While I have no interest in him (nor care), I think it is weird that she is unloading their problems onto me. Of course you have problems! He was awful. I also don’t understand why she is even dating him in the first place because he was so mean to me and she used to tell me to dump him. Do you think she had a crush on him the whole time? And now that we’ve broken up, she could move in on him? And why not talk to someone else about your issues — including those in the bedroom? How do I get her to stop? – I DON’T WANT TO KNOW

DEAR I DON’T WANT TO KNOW: It is wild to me that your friend would date your ex in the first place, especially considering that you dated for three years. I also don’t understand why she thought it would be acceptable for her to talk about their issues and expect you to help her with them. None of this makes sense to me at all. She knew why you broke up with him, but maybe (as they say) love truly is blind. This would cause me to question my friendship because who does this to a close friend? If she does come to you in the near future wondering how to deal with him, shut it down. Just say something like: “I understand that you are dating and that you are my friend, but I find this whole situation very uncomfortable. I am not interested in him, but in order to keep our friendship, I don’t want to talk about your relationship issues with him. It is too close to home for me.” If she respects that, great! If not, then you have to ask yourself why you are friends with someone who is so self-involved that she can’t understand why or how this would upset you. Take some space from her. 

DEAR NATALIE: My wife just came back from a trip with her friends and she has a pretty big following on social media. While she was gone, I noticed she hardly posted anything. I thought it was really weird considering she posts about travel and food as a part of her job. I asked her best friend why they didn’t take any photos and she acted really weird about it. She mumbled something about the wifi not working. I confronted my wife and she told me a similar story and that I should “stop interrogating her friends and stop being so controlling.” Do you think my wife hooked up with someone? She’s been home a week and we haven’t had sex, which is unusual for us. Every time I approach her, she just says that she’s “tired.” How do I ask her without getting shut down? – SHADY WIFE

DEAR SHADY WIFE: Something clearly happened on that trip. Maybe her bestie is covering for her.  The only way to find out is to sit down with her and ask her again. She definitely deflected when you brought it to her attention which raises red flags that something is going on. Affairs aren’t often the issue itself but a symptom of a larger obstacle in the marriage that needs to be confronted. But until you know, you can’t keep inventing stories in your mind. It will just make you feel awful. If you can’t get her to cop to it, then ask her if she would go to therapy together, instead. Perhaps with a neutral party there she will be more honest not only with you – but with herself, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show on WQED: Destination with Natalie Bencivenga

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DEAR NATALIE: I’ve been with my boyfriend now for five months and we talk about getting married. But he just told me that his wife (of three years) is pregnant and he just can’t fathom leaving her right now. Plus, he said that he wants to be there for his kids and he’s getting cold feet about telling her about us. I told him I will tell her if he doesn’t, and now he is threatening to break up with me and “make my life hell” if I do that. He is a powerful person in the community. I thought he loved me and now I am not sure what I should do. I love him and want to be with him. He said he would leave her so why is he backing out of this? Don’t you think he just needs a push? He said she makes him miserable and we are so happy together. What do you think he should do? –NOT THE OTHER WOMAN

DEAR NOT THE OTHER WOMAN: If he is lying to his pregnant wife about this “relationship,” then why would you expect him to be honest with you about his timeline on leaving her? This man is a liar, he’s a cheat and he’s gaslighting you. Walk away from this pile of red flags and do some soul searching as to why you wanted to be the “other woman” in the first place. Is it the thrill of it? Is it low self-esteem? A fear of commitment? Whatever the reasoning, recognize your role in this. If you want a relationship that is healthy and fulfilling, it will not start by engaging in a long-term affair with someone who is backing out of leaving his pregnant wife. You were a good time on the side. Don’t you deserve more than that? 

DEAR NATALIE: One of my best friends is getting married this fall and she is planning a pretty extravagant wedding. She wants to do her bachelorette party in Vegas and stay at this beautiful hotel, go to the spa, enjoy expensive dinners – you get the idea. I am in her bridal party and it is expected of me to attend, but my bank account doesn’t agree. I work so much (and so hard) but with the increased cost of everything skyrocketing, I just don’t think this will be in my budget. Not by a long shot. I can’t justify or afford to spend $3,000 or more for a weekend trip. I talked to my husband and he agrees that it just doesn’t make financial sense right now. How do I let her down gently? She is so excited and I feel terrible about it. Thoughts? – TOO RICH FOR THIS BISH

DEAR TOO RICH FOR THIS BISH: I really can’t handle these over-the-top, let-them-eat-cake bachelorette experiences right now. In this economy? Are you out of your mind? You have every right to hit the panic button when looking at the cost. I appreciate your friend wanting to live it up. She should do whatever she wants for her special day. And if she was footing the bill, then by all means this would be a different conversation entirely. But to expect her friends to spend thousands of dollars to be with her in Vegas for a weekend is a huge, unrealistic ask. Send her a lovely bottle of champagne from you when she arrives to her hotel. You are under no obligation to live beyond your means to indulge your friend. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

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Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: I’m having a really hard time letting go of my marriage. My husband and I have been separated for about a year and it’s been very amicable. We both just fell out of love with each other. We were college sweethearts and now that we are both approaching 40, we realize we want different things. We have different interests and I don’t think we did the work investing in our marriage like we should have. The other night we were hanging out and he said that he wanted to give it one more try. He said he missed me but when we were together, he just ignored me. I miss him, too. I think we haven’t filed because we keep holding out hope that something could change. What do you think we should do? – SEPARATED AND SAD 

DEAR SEPARATED AND SAD: If you both still feel a little ember burning between you, why not try to nurture that flame by going to couples’ counseling? Commit to it for six months. See what it feels like to “date” each other again. Share with him what you just shared with me: That you have been living parallel lives instead of intersecting ones. It’s healthy and normal to have interests just for yourself. But, you have to grow together or you risk growing apart. I truly believe if the love and respect is there, then your relationship is worth fighting for. At least if you commit to trying, you will have a more definitive understanding of where you are in a few months. Then, you can decide which road to take. Good luck to you both. I am always rooting for love to win. 

DEAR NATALIE: How do you convince someone that they need more help than they are currently receiving? My aunt, who is aging gracefully but quickly, lives alone in her apartment. I often hear from her about how she unintentionally hurts herself by doing mundane tasks at home. She doesn’t reach out to ask for help until things have progressed past the point of injury. We’ve tried to convince her that she would thrive in a community living setting, but she refuses to seriously consider that possibility. Do you think this is a situation where we will just need to wait for her to want safety for herself or are there things we can do to move things forward? – AUNT NEEDS HELP 

DEAR AUNT NEEDS HELP: I can’t imagine someone telling me that I could no longer take care of myself and should go to an assisted facility. Can you imagine how that would impact your sense of self? Years of adulting, doing all the things – and now? You’re just supposed to get up and leave your home. Your community. Your routine. It would be quite a shock to the system. Try to meet her where she is. Does she have any friends who live in an assisted living facility? Perhaps visiting someone there would make it seem less overwhelming. I would continue to gently bring it up on occasion because as she continues to have issues, she may start to give in to the idea. People don’t like change. It can be scary to think of starting over, especially later in life. Would she be open to at-home support? Is that something she can afford? Perhaps that could be a first step that would bridge the gap and connect her to assistance without uprooting her. Aging, like my grandma used to say, isn’t for the weak. (And neither is being a caregiver to someone you love). 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear