In Manchester, England, a band called Bionic and the Wires is on the cutting edge of fun-guy (fungi) music, Metro News reported on Sept. 2. Jon Ross and Andy Kidd are producing music by attaching sensors to mushrooms and plants to turn their electrical signals into musical notes. The sensors are attached to bionic arms, which strike the instruments. The different organisms create different beats. "It's a really good way to connect with (plants and mushrooms) and a really sort of emotional experience," Ross said. [Metro News, 9/2/2025]

That's Not How You Play

In a new twist on Ding Dong Ditch, German authorities have identified the culprit of late-night doorbell rings in Schwabach, Bavaria, United Press International reported on Sept. 9. Police were called to an apartment building where several residents complained of the unexpected doorbells, but they couldn't see anyone on their front-door cameras. They suspected that kids were pranking them, but authorities discovered that a slug was crawling across a panel and triggering several doorbells in the process. Officers relocated the slug and declined to press charges. [UPI, 9/9/2025]

Animal Antics

A baby raccoon that was dubbed Otis Campbell (after the town drunk on "The Andy Griffith Show") was rescued from certain death by a nurse in Whitesburg, Kentucky, in early September, Lex18-TV reported. Misty Combs works at the Letcher County Health Department, right next door to Kentucky Mist Moonshine. She and her co-workers noticed a raccoon running through the parking lot, then heard commotion in a nearby dumpster. The moonshine company "had put some fermented peaches in their dumpster," Combs said, "and I guess the baby raccoons had gotten in." The mother raccoon was frantic, so the RN got busy. One of the babies was rescued with a shovel and ran to its mom, but the other one was face-down in water at the bottom of the container. Combs pulled it out by its tail and started chest compressions, and the animal started breathing again. Fish and wildlife officials transported the drunk baby to a local vet for sobering up, and it was released back to its mother the following day. [Lex18, 9/3/2025]

Least Competent Criminal

As the Rhapsody of the Seas cruise ship pulled into port in San Juan, Puerto Rico, on Sept. 7, one passenger disembarked in a most unusual way, USA Today reported. Jey Gonzalez-Diaz jumped ship with his backpack, a criminal complaint alleges, which contained $14,600, two phones and five IDs. Two passing jet skis picked him up, and Customs and Border Protection later detained him near the Puerto Rico Capitol. Gonzalez-Diaz told CBP that he went overboard because "he thought he was going to be taxed duties for bringing in the currency," but it turned out he also had a $16,710 debt with the cruise line, "almost exclusively associated to casino and gaming expenses," CBP said. Gonzalez-Diaz could face a fine of $250,000, a five-year prison sentence or both. [USA Today, 9/10/2025]

Questionable Judgment

Sean O'Donnell, 46, of Harris County, Texas, was charged with murder in late August, NBC News reported on Sept. 2. When deputies first responded on Aug. 17 at O'Donnell's home, they found Aaron Pratt, 34, with a gunshot wound to his head. He died from his injuries. Authorities first believed his death was a suicide, but then said "things weren't adding up." Allegedly, O'Donnell and Pratt were taking turns shooting each other in the head with a rifle while wearing a Kevlar helmet (and while being under the influence of alcohol). O'Donnell was held on $300,000 bond. [NBC News, 9/2/2025]

Can't Possibly Be True

An 80-year-old woman from Sapporo, Japan, is the latest victim of an online "astronaut," the South China Morning Post reported on Sept. 5. The man met the octogenarian on social media and claimed to be aboard a spaceship orbiting Earth. He went on to convince her that his ship was "under attack" and he was running out of oxygen -- which could only be remedied by the transfer of 1 million yen to his bank account so he could buy more. Investigators said her communications with the fake spaceman showed she had developed "romantic feelings" for him. [SCMP, 9/5/2025]

Recent Alarming Headline

Richard Catrone, 67, of retirement community Belmont Villas in Long Island, New York, was walking his dog on Sept. 9 when 76-year-old Kathleen Schuman emerged from her apartment and shot Catrone in the face with a flare gun, NBCWashington reported. As seen on home security video, Catrone let go of his dog's leash and lunged at Schuman: "My next inclination was to get the gun and I knocked it out of her hand ... I wanted to protect my dog," Catrone said. "She claimed I was the devil, that I tried to murder her." Neighbors said the two have feuded before over Schuman sitting outside with her cat, which was "always upsetting his dog." "I just asked her can you keep the cat inside," Catrone said, "and that started the situation." Schuman was charged with assault and pleaded not guilty; her attorney said she would temporarily live with a relative. [NBCWashington, 9/10/2025]

The Neighbors

"Gorilla-obsessed" Adele Teale, 58, is battling the Wakefield, Yorkshire, council where she lives over a 4-foot-tall resin gorilla she installed on a second-story platform on the front of her house, the Daily Star reported. The "cherished" gorilla, named Caesar, has been deemed "out of character with the surrounding area" and "an obtrusive feature" by the council. "He's nothing more than a garden ornament," Teale said. "He is secure up there -- he has been screwed and glued in place. I own the house, it's mine, so surely I can have whatever I want outside to decorate it. Caesar makes me smile -- he makes me happy." [Daily Star, 9/9/2025]

Awesome!

Have no fear, if you live in Greenville, South Carolina -- Spider-Man is on the job! The 18-year-old superhero fills his down time with picking up litter, meeting fans and listening to his police scanner, WYFF4-TV reported on Sept. 10. Lately, though, he's been busy, recently saving two people stuck on a waterfall at Falls Park. "So, I saw one of them almost slip and fall ... and I jumped over some rocks to get over there. ... And then they grabbed my wrist, and I pulled them up," the "friendly downtown Spider-Man" explained. "My intention is to help the people of Greenville, protect and honestly spread kindness along the way," he said. [WYFF4-TV, 9/10/2025]

But Why?

All the king's horses and all the king's men are looking for two men who nabbed a Humpty Dumpty statue from Ocean Putt Miniature Golf in Cape May, New Jersey, on Sept. 7. NBC4-TV reported that the thieves were captured on surveillance video as they climbed a fence and removed the character before dropping it at a property a few doors away. Police hope the public will help them identify the bad eggs who vandalized the statue. [NBC4, 9/11/2025]

Perhaps it was the stress of speaking in front of others. Perhaps it was just a call to a higher Michael Jackson. On Sept. 2 in Cranford, New Jersey, resident Will Thilly appeared at a town hall meeting to ask questions about a recent property tax hike, WABC-TV reported. But before he uttered a word, he performed a wordless robot dance, without music, and spun on the floor. Then he asked, "How was everyone's weekend?" He went on to ask a few specific questions about taxes and school expenses, then gathered his papers from the podium and moonwalked back to his seat. Oh -- and Thilly is a candidate for the Cranford township committee. "I hope to bring a friendly, stress-free way of our committee when dealing with the public," he says on his website. [WABC, 9/4/2025]

Fail

Hopes were dashed into the sweet winds on Oct. 2 as the Dolce Vento was launched into the water off the coast of Zonguldak, Turkey, the New York Post reported. The $1 million, 85-foot yacht slipped into the water and almost immediately started listing to its port side before sinking. The new owner, captain and two crew members were able to jump overboard and swim to the nearby shore without injury. Shipyard officials said the cause of the sinking was under investigation. [NY Post, 9/3/2025]

Bad Dog!

Registered sex offender Rodney Platthy, 46, has been working at a pet store in Clearwater, Florida, The Smoking Gun reported. His job is to wear an inflatable puppy costume and stand outside the store to lure in pet lovers. But on Aug. 29, Platthy and the store owner got into it with several "juveniles (riding) by on bicycles." It wasn't their first beef with the kids, and as one of them tried to ride away, Platthy "approached the victim from behind and placed him in a chokehold," police said. The victim told police he couldn't breathe for a brief period. Platthy was arrested for battery by strangulation and ordered to have no contact with the victim; he posted a $10,000 bond. [The Smoking Gun, 9/3/2025]

What's in a Name?

-- This week's winner of Best Name for a Credit Card Fraud Suspect is Alec Bogus, 33, of Aurora, Colorado. Bogus gets bonus points for his attempted escape from law enforcement on Aug. 26, when he was approached at the Indian Hot Springs resort in Idaho Springs, Colorado. According to CBS News, Bogus, who also had an outstanding felony warrant from Douglas County, was just exiting the mud bath wearing only a Speedo when officers arrived. He ran up a wooded mountainside and tried to hide in a shed, but he was recovered a short time later still covered in mud. His charges included assault on a peace officer and resisting arrest. [CBS News, 8/28/2025]

-- Indianapolis-based bankruptcy attorney Mark S. Zuckerberg is suing Meta, the company of Mark E. Zuckerberg, because the former's Facebook page keeps getting shut down, WTHR-TV reported on Sept. 4. "It's not funny," the attorney said. Meta has been accusing him of impersonating a celebrity and using a false name, "which I've had way longer than he has," he said. "I'd rather not pick a fight with them, but I don't know how else to make them stop." He said his business account has been removed five times and his personal account four. "It's not right and they need to stop," he said. And so, they have: Meta confirmed that Zuckerberg's account is back up after being "disabled in error." [WTHR, 9/4/2025]

That Rule Doesn't Apply to Me

A court in Germany has ruled that an unnamed teacher who has been on sick leave for 16 years must prove that she is ill, Metro News reported on Aug. 23. Since 2009, the female teacher has been drawing her full salary in spite of not working at all. When the education authority in North Rhine-Westphalia demanded that she take a medical test, she sued. But the court called her case "truly incomprehensible" and ruled that the employer had the right to call for the test. Andreas Bartsch, president of the state's teachers' union, called her behavior "completely abysmal." [Metro News, 8/23/2025]

Maybe the Hyenas Ate Your Groomsman

Nicolas Hohls, 27, of Harburg, KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa, was camping at Cape Vidal Nature Reserve in St. Lucia, South Africa, on Aug. 30 when he got unexpected overnight visitors. Hohls was there with his dad and others for a bachelor party, People magazine reported. After settling in his tent, he woke up to two hyenas attacking him -- one focused on his face, the other on his ankle. "I fought them off by ... attacking the eyes of one and forcing my hand down the throat of the other," Hohls said. His dad heard him screaming and rushed him to a hospital, where doctors say a full recovery will take about a month. "I'm doing a lot better. The doctors are happy with my progress," he said. [People, 9/3/2025]

Awkward

Police in Canton, Connecticut, are searching for the owners of a silver urn containing cremated remains that was left along a running trail near the Canton Department of Public Works, WFSB-TV reported on Sept. 4. Authorities report that they tried to open the urn, but it appears to be sealed shut. Officers hope whoever misplaced the object will come forward to retrieve it. [WFSB, 9/4/2025]

It's a Mystery

Over the Labor Day weekend, hikers on Huron Peak in Colorado got a special surprise when they reached the summit of the 14,000-foot-plus mountain, the Associated Press reported. Seated in a camping chair, wearing an ice cream cone costume and sunglasses with a fake mustache, was an unnamed man who had hauled up ice cream sandwiches in a pack with dry ice. One hiker dubbed him "legend dairy" for rewarding climbers with the sweet treat. "Ice cream was just kind of what we wanted," said Blaine Griffin. Griffin said he saw the man zooming down the mountain once the ice cream was gone, sans costume. [AP, 9/4/2025]

LEAD STORY -- Bad Attitude

Ralphie VI, aka Ember, is the mascot of the University of Colorado Buffaloes -- or was, until she became "indifferent to running," The Athletic reported on Aug. 26. The tradition of the bison charging ahead of the CU football team at the beginning of the game started in 1967; they typically also run at the start of the second half. The animals and their handlers can reach speeds of up to 25 mph, and Ralphie V once got so excited she pulled loose from her guide ropes at the start of a game. But Ember is just not that into it, the school said. "It was determined that it was in Ember's best interest ... to focus on relaxing strolls in the pasture, which is her favorite hobby," a statement read. A succession plan has been in place for months, but it's not known when Ralphie VII will take the field. [The Athletic, 8/26/2025]

The Way the World Works

The Apple Valley (Minnesota) High School Eagles have been forced to switch some of their fall evening soccer and football games to daytime, thanks to some fellow birds of prey, the Associated Press reported on Aug. 22. A pair of ospreys built a large nest in the stadium lights at the sports field this summer, populating it with at least four eggs, according to the state Department of Natural Resources. The agency is monitoring the growth of the chicks; once they're old enough to fly away, crews can relocate the nest and switch on the lights. [AP, 8/22/2025]

The Foreign Press

This year marks the 80th anniversary of Tomatina -- Bunol, Spain's messy festival where revelers hurl overripe tomatoes at one another for an hour. The event on Aug. 27 drew about 20,000 people who smashed about 120 tons of tomatoes onto each other, the Associated Press reported. The tradition started as a diversion for children but now includes all ages; the tomatoes aren't wasted, organizers say, because they don't meet the quality standards for consumption. [AP, 8/27/2025]

Wait, What?

Fox Business reported on Aug. 21 that a U.K. snack company launched corn chips this summer that taste like ... licking a 9-volt battery. Apparently, this was a fad in the 1990s: getting an electric tingle by licking a battery. "Rewind now offers a snackable way to revisit one of the '90s weirdest shared experiences -- no batteries required," the company said. A spokesperson said the chips deliver a "very hard-hitting acidic zing to the tongue, followed up by some salty metallic notes." Oh, and by the way, "We do not recommend or condone licking, biting or otherwise ingesting real batteries," the company clarified. For now, the chips are only available in Dutch retail outlets. [Fox Business, 8/21/2025]

It's a Dirty Job

Marineland Antibes in France has closed, but two of its orcas are waiting for a decision on their new home, the BBC reported. In the meantime, Wikie, 24, and her son, Keijo, 11, are being cared for by their trainers. And by "cared for," we mean extra loving attention. Managers at the facility are defending their decision to have trainers manually "sexually stimulate" Keijo once a month to relieve his tension and prevent him from inbreeding with his mother. "Although spectacular, this is natural and totally painless for the animals," they say. However, activist groups are condemning the practice, calling it "perverse." [BBC, 8/23/2025]

Inappropriate Behavior

-- Cleo Williams Jr., 44, of Leavenworth, Kansas, was found guilty on Aug. 25 of sexual battery against a law enforcement officer, KAKE-TV reported. During a domestic disturbance call late last year at a Leavenworth apartment complex, Williams kissed an officer's neck as he was being arrested, which apparently is frowned upon. "Any form of inappropriate physical contact, including kissing, is unacceptable," noted Leavenworth County Attorney Todd Thompson. Williams will be sentenced in September. [KAKE, 8/26/2025]

-- Nichola Corr, 51, of Suffolk, England, has received $4,700 in compensation from the Suffolk Police after an incident during a raid at her home, Metro News reported. Corr said police were searching her home as part of an investigation involving a relative when their body cameras recorded them acting like "children in a playground," tossing a G-string back and forth and fondling erotic gadgets she had in a basket. "A young female officer ... started pulling all the things out, saying, 'Oh, this is sticky!'" Corr said. She requested the bodycam footage after seeing her G-string on her pillow. A police spokesperson said the investigation "determined the officers' behavior was deemed to be unacceptable and unprofessional, but was considered to be more due to immaturity than spite." [Metro News, 8/26/2025]

Florida

On Aug. 22 at Westside High School in Jacksonville, Florida, a pep rally included a rousing game of musical chairs, News4Jax-TV reported. So rousing that 16-year-old Nyla Millikin suffered a concussion and bruised ribs when a male teacher allegedly slammed her to the floor during the final round. As seen in video taken at the rally, the teacher jumped up to celebrate his win even as two people helped the student up. Nyla's mom, Joanna Millikin, has retained a lawyer in the wake of the incident. Attorney Gary Englander said, "The teacher should never have put his hands on her and taken her to the ground." While the teacher has not been charged yet, the mother wants to accuse him of assault. The district said he has been "reassigned to duties without student contact." [News4Jax, 8/27/2025]

Field Report

Firefighters battling a wildfire in North Yorkshire, England, are struggling with a large number of World War II bombs and tank shells that were left behind in the area, the BBC reported on Aug. 27. County Chief Fire Officer Jonathan Dyson said the area was a training ground in the 1940s and previously hidden explosives had been detonating in the fire. "We have now experienced over 18 ordnance explosions within key areas," he said. Firefighters and local farmers and business owners have been tackling the blaze since Aug. 11. [BBC, 8/27/2025]

Suspicions Confirmed

Emely Martinez, 35, of Pinellas Park, Florida, is not a dentist, Yahoo! Entertainment reported on Aug. 26. Nonetheless, she allegedly called herself a "veneer technician" at Tapp Inn Beauty Bar and charged $3,000 for a full set of veneers, which she secured to patients' teeth with superglue. (Actual veneers can cost $1,000 per tooth.) Her victims suffered from infections and damaged teeth and had to undergo emergency (real) dental work. Martinez was unlicensed and had no formal training, police said. She was charged with fraud and practicing dentistry without a license. [Yahoo! Entertainment, 8/26/2025]

Smooth Reaction

A customer at Las Postas Cafe-Bar in Los Palacios y Villafranca, Spain, became enraged on Aug. 20 when he asked for mayonnaise for his sandwich and was told the restaurant didn't have any mayonnaise -- or any ketchup. The Mirror reported that surveillance video from the restaurant shows the 50-year-old man leaving the establishment and returning a few minutes later after visiting a gas station nearby. He asked waiters again if they had mayonnaise, then sprayed the bar with fuel and set it on fire. Customers ran for safety, and the blaze caused about $8,200 worth of damage. "There's no explanation for what happened. It was awful," said cafe owner Jose Antonio Caballero. The unnamed customer was arrested in a nearby square and taken to a health center for burns on his left arm. [Mirror, 8/22/2025]