DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started dating someone who’s great in almost every way, but there’s one issue that’s starting to bother me: He's constantly on his phone when we’re together. Whether we’re out to dinner or watching a movie, he’s always scrolling through social media or checking work emails. When I bring it up, he insists he’s just multitasking and that it’s not a big deal. I don’t want to seem needy or controlling, but it makes me feel like he’s not fully present when we spend time together.

I really like this guy, but I’m starting to wonder if this behavior is a red flag or just a bad habit. How do I talk to him about this without sounding like I’m overreacting? Sometimes I’ll even pause mid-conversation to see if he notices, and he rarely does. I’ve tried putting away my own phone to set an example, but it doesn’t seem to help. I miss having meaningful, uninterrupted time with him, especially since our schedules are so busy. I’m worried that if this keeps up, I’ll start to feel emotionally disconnected even though we’re spending time together. -- Distracted

DEAR DISTRACTED: Electronics, especially cellphones, can be huge distractions for people in all aspects of their lives, including personal relationships. Some studies suggest that the way that people are attached to them mimics addictive behavior. Other experts have concluded that, for most people, multitasking is an unproductive myth. In order to get your boyfriend to take you seriously and consider separating from his phone -- at least sometimes -- is to take drastic measures.

Ask your boyfriend to agree on times when your cellphones go in a bowl in the other room on silent. Point out what you have observed about him, and remind him how frustrating it is for you. If he refuses, you may need to call him out or keep track of each time he disconnects from you so he can see how frequent it is.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a student who says he is mildly autistic. He is eager and engaging in class -- almost too much so. He raises his hand every time there’s an opportunity, often before I have been able to complete a thought. How can I get him to control himself a bit better? I know he likes my class and appreciates that I talk to him a lot and let him participate fully, but he is becoming a distraction to the rest of the class. Also, he has not given me any formal paperwork that provides for accommodations, which is required at our college. Still, I know he is different and have worked hard to support him. -- Creating Boundaries

DEAR CREATING BOUNDARIES: Speak to this student privately. Commend him for being so actively involved in class as you point out that it is also important for him to give other students a chance to participate. Tell him that you cannot call on him every time he raises his hand. Moreover, he should not raise his hand for every question. Explain that it is good manners and thoughtful to allow space for other students to be able to raise their hands and be part of the conversation.

It might be helpful to have this conversation with his academic adviser as well. That person may be able to reach your student and will have more information about any accommodations he may need.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my co-workers has had a lot of personal stuff on her plate lately. I am always an advocate for work-life balance, because no matter what, you should always take care of yourself (mentally, physically, spiritually, personally -- whatever that looks like). Normally, she goes above and beyond for the team, so I wanted to extend her the grace she needed to really prioritize her personal matters. Because we work in a small department, when she is out of the office, all of her work falls to me. It was manageable at first, but now, despite her being back at work, she really hasn’t gotten back to full work capacity, so I’m still left with some of her workload. I don’t want to pressure her, especially if she might be sensitive to other things on her plate right now, but I don’t know that involving our boss is the best idea either. I need some relief, but I’m not sure what to do. -- Pulling Slack

DEAR PULLING SLACK: Talk to your co-worker in private and let her know that you remain sympathetic to her struggles, but you can no longer take the weight for her. Explain that your work-life balance is now being impacted negatively because of your efforts to lighten her load. You just can’t do it anymore. Tell her what duties you need to give back to her. If she is unable to handle them, suggest that she, or both of you, speak to your supervisor to come up with a plan.

If she chooses to do nothing, your next step is to speak to your boss to explain the situation and ask for help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister has a history of being in toxic romantic relationships. Her patterns and choices have gotten a lot better over time, but she still falls back into some of her own old habits sometimes, like obsessing, overthinking, online stalking and more. Last week, we had a video call to catch up and discuss her upcoming birthday, and soon into our conversation, she started showing me screenshots from her partner’s social media accounts. He was on a trip with friends, and my sister became paranoid because his communication was minimal.

Whenever she gets like this, I find it hard to talk to her. I don’t want to investigate; I don’t even really care. I try to get her to see that if she is this anxious or uncomfortable, perhaps this person is not right for her, or maybe she’s not ready for a relationship. How do I pump the brakes on these kinds of conversations with my sister? I’m exhausted. -- Toxic Lovers

DEAR TOXIC LOVERS: Your sister might be the only one bringing toxicity to these relationships. It is unreasonable for her to get so upset because her boyfriend was busy on his trip and not as communicative as she would like. How often does she take people’s efforts to live their lives as an affront to her personally? She would benefit tremendously from therapy, where she can unpack her behavior and the behaviors of her friends and lovers to get to the truth.

Tell her that her relationship machinations are above your pay grade. You do not know how to help her, and you cannot take on the burden of listening. Encourage her to go to therapy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend has always made comments about my weight, saying that I’m too skinny and that I should eat more. At first, I tried to laugh it off or change the subject, but over time, it started to really bother me. I have felt self-conscious and frustrated, but I didn’t know how to tell her how hurtful her remarks were.

Recently, I finally snapped and told her she should eat less, thinking it would make her understand how it feels to have someone criticize your body. Now she’s really mad at me, and I feel guilty for what I said, even though I also feel like she has crossed a line by constantly commenting on my appearance. I don’t want to lose our friendship, but I also don’t want to continue tolerating hurtful behavior. I’ve tried explaining why her comments hurt me, but she doesn’t seem to understand my perspective.

I’m not sure how to move forward without damaging the friendship or letting her continue to make me feel bad about myself. How can I address this situation in a way that sets clear boundaries, helps her understand my perspective and repairs the friendship? -- Ridiculed

DEAR RIDICULED: Lashing out at her didn’t work because it simply hurt her without giving her cause for self-reflection. You need to talk to her. You can apologize for talking about her weight and admit that you constantly feel hurt by how she speaks about yours. Tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable and judged.

Chances are, she has no clue. People often think it’s fair game to talk about thin people but out of bounds to talk about overweight people. Neither is OK. Politely ask her to stop, and remind her whenever she slips up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: At the beginning of this month, I received some awful news. My company is going through some things and will be consolidating jobs. They told me and nearly 200 other colleagues that we are being laid off at the end of the month. They wanted to give us time to prepare, and in this economy, I appreciate that. I’ve started looking for new positions, but I am noticing that companies are now offering much lower salaries than they were in years past. Based on the economic state we’re in, I can’t afford to take a pay cut. At the same time, I’m not sure I can afford to play hardball and miss these opportunities. How do I balance being undervalued with the risk of being indefinitely unemployed? How can I gauge when to take the bait versus when to fight a little harder and hope for something better? -- Job Market

DEAR JOB MARKET: Read the tea leaves, so to speak. It is true that many workers are being undervalued in terms of pay these days -- unfair, but too often true. Do your best to negotiate, but don’t wait too long. You know your job ends soon. It’s much easier to look for a job and negotiate while you have a job, so accept something sooner rather than later, even if you choose to keep looking for something better.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)