DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my co-workers has had a lot of personal stuff on her plate lately. I am always an advocate for work-life balance, because no matter what, you should always take care of yourself (mentally, physically, spiritually, personally -- whatever that looks like). Normally, she goes above and beyond for the team, so I wanted to extend her the grace she needed to really prioritize her personal matters. Because we work in a small department, when she is out of the office, all of her work falls to me. It was manageable at first, but now, despite her being back at work, she really hasn’t gotten back to full work capacity, so I’m still left with some of her workload. I don’t want to pressure her, especially if she might be sensitive to other things on her plate right now, but I don’t know that involving our boss is the best idea either. I need some relief, but I’m not sure what to do. -- Pulling Slack

DEAR PULLING SLACK: Talk to your co-worker in private and let her know that you remain sympathetic to her struggles, but you can no longer take the weight for her. Explain that your work-life balance is now being impacted negatively because of your efforts to lighten her load. You just can’t do it anymore. Tell her what duties you need to give back to her. If she is unable to handle them, suggest that she, or both of you, speak to your supervisor to come up with a plan.

If she chooses to do nothing, your next step is to speak to your boss to explain the situation and ask for help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister has a history of being in toxic romantic relationships. Her patterns and choices have gotten a lot better over time, but she still falls back into some of her own old habits sometimes, like obsessing, overthinking, online stalking and more. Last week, we had a video call to catch up and discuss her upcoming birthday, and soon into our conversation, she started showing me screenshots from her partner’s social media accounts. He was on a trip with friends, and my sister became paranoid because his communication was minimal.

Whenever she gets like this, I find it hard to talk to her. I don’t want to investigate; I don’t even really care. I try to get her to see that if she is this anxious or uncomfortable, perhaps this person is not right for her, or maybe she’s not ready for a relationship. How do I pump the brakes on these kinds of conversations with my sister? I’m exhausted. -- Toxic Lovers

DEAR TOXIC LOVERS: Your sister might be the only one bringing toxicity to these relationships. It is unreasonable for her to get so upset because her boyfriend was busy on his trip and not as communicative as she would like. How often does she take people’s efforts to live their lives as an affront to her personally? She would benefit tremendously from therapy, where she can unpack her behavior and the behaviors of her friends and lovers to get to the truth.

Tell her that her relationship machinations are above your pay grade. You do not know how to help her, and you cannot take on the burden of listening. Encourage her to go to therapy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend has always made comments about my weight, saying that I’m too skinny and that I should eat more. At first, I tried to laugh it off or change the subject, but over time, it started to really bother me. I have felt self-conscious and frustrated, but I didn’t know how to tell her how hurtful her remarks were.

Recently, I finally snapped and told her she should eat less, thinking it would make her understand how it feels to have someone criticize your body. Now she’s really mad at me, and I feel guilty for what I said, even though I also feel like she has crossed a line by constantly commenting on my appearance. I don’t want to lose our friendship, but I also don’t want to continue tolerating hurtful behavior. I’ve tried explaining why her comments hurt me, but she doesn’t seem to understand my perspective.

I’m not sure how to move forward without damaging the friendship or letting her continue to make me feel bad about myself. How can I address this situation in a way that sets clear boundaries, helps her understand my perspective and repairs the friendship? -- Ridiculed

DEAR RIDICULED: Lashing out at her didn’t work because it simply hurt her without giving her cause for self-reflection. You need to talk to her. You can apologize for talking about her weight and admit that you constantly feel hurt by how she speaks about yours. Tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable and judged.

Chances are, she has no clue. People often think it’s fair game to talk about thin people but out of bounds to talk about overweight people. Neither is OK. Politely ask her to stop, and remind her whenever she slips up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: At the beginning of this month, I received some awful news. My company is going through some things and will be consolidating jobs. They told me and nearly 200 other colleagues that we are being laid off at the end of the month. They wanted to give us time to prepare, and in this economy, I appreciate that. I’ve started looking for new positions, but I am noticing that companies are now offering much lower salaries than they were in years past. Based on the economic state we’re in, I can’t afford to take a pay cut. At the same time, I’m not sure I can afford to play hardball and miss these opportunities. How do I balance being undervalued with the risk of being indefinitely unemployed? How can I gauge when to take the bait versus when to fight a little harder and hope for something better? -- Job Market

DEAR JOB MARKET: Read the tea leaves, so to speak. It is true that many workers are being undervalued in terms of pay these days -- unfair, but too often true. Do your best to negotiate, but don’t wait too long. You know your job ends soon. It’s much easier to look for a job and negotiate while you have a job, so accept something sooner rather than later, even if you choose to keep looking for something better.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Janice” is mad at me. We had plans to go to a food festival, and she canceled at the last minute. I had already bought both tickets, and since she said she couldn’t make it, I didn’t want the tickets to go to waste. I asked another friend if she wanted to go instead, and she happily agreed.

About an hour before the event, Janice called to say that her plans had changed, and she could make it after all. When I told her that I had already invited someone else, she got really upset and accused me of replacing her too quickly. Now she’s giving me the cold shoulder and says I should have waited to see if she could come after all.

I feel like I did nothing wrong, but Janice is hurt. How do I handle this situation without making things worse or damaging our friendship? I really value her as a friend, but I also think it’s unfair for her to blame me for her own change of plans. I wasn’t trying to exclude her or be inconsiderate; I just didn’t want to waste the ticket or go alone. -- Cold Shoulder

DEAR COLD SHOULDER: Sit down with Janice and remind her that she contacted you and said she could not attend the festival. It was only after that that you reached out to someone else to take the ticket. Janice has no reason to be upset with you. The change of plans happened directly because of her. She needs to accept responsibility for that. Do not feel any guilt over handling your business after she bailed on you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker talks way too much to me during work. I need to focus and get my work done, but she keeps disrupting me with long conversations about her weekend, her family or random office gossip. I’ve tried to give subtle hints that I’m busy, like putting my headphones on or keeping my responses short, but she’ll still tap me on the shoulder or wave to get my attention. It’s getting to the point where I’m falling behind on projects because I keep getting pulled into her chatter.

I don’t want to be rude or create tension in the office, but I’m starting to dread going in because I know she’s going to talk my ear off. How can I set boundaries without making things awkward or hurting her feelings? She’s a nice person, and I think she genuinely just wants to be friendly, but it’s becoming overwhelming. Sometimes she even follows me to the break room or keeps talking while I’m typing. I’m worried that if I don’t say something soon, my frustration will show and make the situation awkward. I just want to find a polite way to let her know that I need more quiet time during the day. -- Shut Up

DEAR SHUT UP: During a break -- preferably away from work -- talk to your friend. Tell her you have to set some boundaries because you are not getting your work done on time. Make it clear that you cannot talk to her all day long. Work must come first. Point out that when you have your headphones on or wave her away, it isn’t personal, but you need her to honor your commitment to your job. Her feelings will likely be hurt, but you must make it clear before your job is in jeopardy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)