DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend has always made comments about my weight, saying that I’m too skinny and that I should eat more. At first, I tried to laugh it off or change the subject, but over time, it started to really bother me. I have felt self-conscious and frustrated, but I didn’t know how to tell her how hurtful her remarks were.

Recently, I finally snapped and told her she should eat less, thinking it would make her understand how it feels to have someone criticize your body. Now she’s really mad at me, and I feel guilty for what I said, even though I also feel like she has crossed a line by constantly commenting on my appearance. I don’t want to lose our friendship, but I also don’t want to continue tolerating hurtful behavior. I’ve tried explaining why her comments hurt me, but she doesn’t seem to understand my perspective.

I’m not sure how to move forward without damaging the friendship or letting her continue to make me feel bad about myself. How can I address this situation in a way that sets clear boundaries, helps her understand my perspective and repairs the friendship? -- Ridiculed

DEAR RIDICULED: Lashing out at her didn’t work because it simply hurt her without giving her cause for self-reflection. You need to talk to her. You can apologize for talking about her weight and admit that you constantly feel hurt by how she speaks about yours. Tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable and judged.

Chances are, she has no clue. People often think it’s fair game to talk about thin people but out of bounds to talk about overweight people. Neither is OK. Politely ask her to stop, and remind her whenever she slips up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: At the beginning of this month, I received some awful news. My company is going through some things and will be consolidating jobs. They told me and nearly 200 other colleagues that we are being laid off at the end of the month. They wanted to give us time to prepare, and in this economy, I appreciate that. I’ve started looking for new positions, but I am noticing that companies are now offering much lower salaries than they were in years past. Based on the economic state we’re in, I can’t afford to take a pay cut. At the same time, I’m not sure I can afford to play hardball and miss these opportunities. How do I balance being undervalued with the risk of being indefinitely unemployed? How can I gauge when to take the bait versus when to fight a little harder and hope for something better? -- Job Market

DEAR JOB MARKET: Read the tea leaves, so to speak. It is true that many workers are being undervalued in terms of pay these days -- unfair, but too often true. Do your best to negotiate, but don’t wait too long. You know your job ends soon. It’s much easier to look for a job and negotiate while you have a job, so accept something sooner rather than later, even if you choose to keep looking for something better.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Janice” is mad at me. We had plans to go to a food festival, and she canceled at the last minute. I had already bought both tickets, and since she said she couldn’t make it, I didn’t want the tickets to go to waste. I asked another friend if she wanted to go instead, and she happily agreed.

About an hour before the event, Janice called to say that her plans had changed, and she could make it after all. When I told her that I had already invited someone else, she got really upset and accused me of replacing her too quickly. Now she’s giving me the cold shoulder and says I should have waited to see if she could come after all.

I feel like I did nothing wrong, but Janice is hurt. How do I handle this situation without making things worse or damaging our friendship? I really value her as a friend, but I also think it’s unfair for her to blame me for her own change of plans. I wasn’t trying to exclude her or be inconsiderate; I just didn’t want to waste the ticket or go alone. -- Cold Shoulder

DEAR COLD SHOULDER: Sit down with Janice and remind her that she contacted you and said she could not attend the festival. It was only after that that you reached out to someone else to take the ticket. Janice has no reason to be upset with you. The change of plans happened directly because of her. She needs to accept responsibility for that. Do not feel any guilt over handling your business after she bailed on you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker talks way too much to me during work. I need to focus and get my work done, but she keeps disrupting me with long conversations about her weekend, her family or random office gossip. I’ve tried to give subtle hints that I’m busy, like putting my headphones on or keeping my responses short, but she’ll still tap me on the shoulder or wave to get my attention. It’s getting to the point where I’m falling behind on projects because I keep getting pulled into her chatter.

I don’t want to be rude or create tension in the office, but I’m starting to dread going in because I know she’s going to talk my ear off. How can I set boundaries without making things awkward or hurting her feelings? She’s a nice person, and I think she genuinely just wants to be friendly, but it’s becoming overwhelming. Sometimes she even follows me to the break room or keeps talking while I’m typing. I’m worried that if I don’t say something soon, my frustration will show and make the situation awkward. I just want to find a polite way to let her know that I need more quiet time during the day. -- Shut Up

DEAR SHUT UP: During a break -- preferably away from work -- talk to your friend. Tell her you have to set some boundaries because you are not getting your work done on time. Make it clear that you cannot talk to her all day long. Work must come first. Point out that when you have your headphones on or wave her away, it isn’t personal, but you need her to honor your commitment to your job. Her feelings will likely be hurt, but you must make it clear before your job is in jeopardy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My younger brother and I grew up in the same house but had very different experiences with our father. As kids, I always felt like Dad was harder on me. He was quick to criticize and slow to show affection while my brother seemed to get the best part of him.

Now that we’re adults, I thought we could finally talk about it, but every time I bring it up, my brother shuts down or gets defensive. He insists I’m exaggerating, defends our father’s behavior and sometimes even turns it back on me, saying I’m being “too sensitive” or “still holding a grudge.”

My brother seems unwilling to understand my point of view. I’m not trying to tear down our dad, but I feel so isolated. Even my dad insists that he treated us the same -- no exceptions. How do I make peace with the fact that my own family may never acknowledge my feelings in this way? -- Split Decision

DEAR SPLIT DECISION: Your family is stuck in its way of being. They cannot see beyond the moment and are not willing, at least right now, to consider your perspective. That’s OK. Find somebody else to talk to -- namely a therapist. You are at the perfect point in your life to talk about your past and present with a professional who can help you process your feelings and experiences. This is how you can free yourself from whatever pain you are holding onto.

That doesn’t mean that you will resolve how you were treated as a child with your brother. Your family may never be able to see what you are saying or talk about the past, but you can and should evaluate your life, process your experiences and develop healthy ways to live today, regardless of how they behave.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has just experienced a major loss. Her grandmother passed away in another country, and she won’t be able to make it to the funeral. She and I have been best friends for almost 16 years, and I am just noticing that within that time frame, she’s never experienced death in her immediate family. My friend is a reserved person, so even when I asked her how she was doing, she didn’t tell me. Her sister shared with me about the loss, but my friend only told me that she wasn’t having a great week. I gave her my condolences, but I want to be able to support her even if she may not want to discuss it. Are there any other ways I can offer my love and support without being pushy or invasive? -- How To Grieve

DEAR HOW TO GRIEVE: Don’t push your friend; that will aggravate her. Instead, be attentive and fully present without being pushy. Give her space to open up when she feels comfortable. When it feels natural, ask her to tell you about her grandmother. Offer to tell her about yours and any fond memories you have from your childhood. Ask her to share her memories. Allow her to share with you when she feels ready. Your presence can be enough to comfort her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)