DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Janice” is mad at me. We had plans to go to a food festival, and she canceled at the last minute. I had already bought both tickets, and since she said she couldn’t make it, I didn’t want the tickets to go to waste. I asked another friend if she wanted to go instead, and she happily agreed.

About an hour before the event, Janice called to say that her plans had changed, and she could make it after all. When I told her that I had already invited someone else, she got really upset and accused me of replacing her too quickly. Now she’s giving me the cold shoulder and says I should have waited to see if she could come after all.

I feel like I did nothing wrong, but Janice is hurt. How do I handle this situation without making things worse or damaging our friendship? I really value her as a friend, but I also think it’s unfair for her to blame me for her own change of plans. I wasn’t trying to exclude her or be inconsiderate; I just didn’t want to waste the ticket or go alone. -- Cold Shoulder

DEAR COLD SHOULDER: Sit down with Janice and remind her that she contacted you and said she could not attend the festival. It was only after that that you reached out to someone else to take the ticket. Janice has no reason to be upset with you. The change of plans happened directly because of her. She needs to accept responsibility for that. Do not feel any guilt over handling your business after she bailed on you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker talks way too much to me during work. I need to focus and get my work done, but she keeps disrupting me with long conversations about her weekend, her family or random office gossip. I’ve tried to give subtle hints that I’m busy, like putting my headphones on or keeping my responses short, but she’ll still tap me on the shoulder or wave to get my attention. It’s getting to the point where I’m falling behind on projects because I keep getting pulled into her chatter.

I don’t want to be rude or create tension in the office, but I’m starting to dread going in because I know she’s going to talk my ear off. How can I set boundaries without making things awkward or hurting her feelings? She’s a nice person, and I think she genuinely just wants to be friendly, but it’s becoming overwhelming. Sometimes she even follows me to the break room or keeps talking while I’m typing. I’m worried that if I don’t say something soon, my frustration will show and make the situation awkward. I just want to find a polite way to let her know that I need more quiet time during the day. -- Shut Up

DEAR SHUT UP: During a break -- preferably away from work -- talk to your friend. Tell her you have to set some boundaries because you are not getting your work done on time. Make it clear that you cannot talk to her all day long. Work must come first. Point out that when you have your headphones on or wave her away, it isn’t personal, but you need her to honor your commitment to your job. Her feelings will likely be hurt, but you must make it clear before your job is in jeopardy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My younger brother and I grew up in the same house but had very different experiences with our father. As kids, I always felt like Dad was harder on me. He was quick to criticize and slow to show affection while my brother seemed to get the best part of him.

Now that we’re adults, I thought we could finally talk about it, but every time I bring it up, my brother shuts down or gets defensive. He insists I’m exaggerating, defends our father’s behavior and sometimes even turns it back on me, saying I’m being “too sensitive” or “still holding a grudge.”

My brother seems unwilling to understand my point of view. I’m not trying to tear down our dad, but I feel so isolated. Even my dad insists that he treated us the same -- no exceptions. How do I make peace with the fact that my own family may never acknowledge my feelings in this way? -- Split Decision

DEAR SPLIT DECISION: Your family is stuck in its way of being. They cannot see beyond the moment and are not willing, at least right now, to consider your perspective. That’s OK. Find somebody else to talk to -- namely a therapist. You are at the perfect point in your life to talk about your past and present with a professional who can help you process your feelings and experiences. This is how you can free yourself from whatever pain you are holding onto.

That doesn’t mean that you will resolve how you were treated as a child with your brother. Your family may never be able to see what you are saying or talk about the past, but you can and should evaluate your life, process your experiences and develop healthy ways to live today, regardless of how they behave.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has just experienced a major loss. Her grandmother passed away in another country, and she won’t be able to make it to the funeral. She and I have been best friends for almost 16 years, and I am just noticing that within that time frame, she’s never experienced death in her immediate family. My friend is a reserved person, so even when I asked her how she was doing, she didn’t tell me. Her sister shared with me about the loss, but my friend only told me that she wasn’t having a great week. I gave her my condolences, but I want to be able to support her even if she may not want to discuss it. Are there any other ways I can offer my love and support without being pushy or invasive? -- How To Grieve

DEAR HOW TO GRIEVE: Don’t push your friend; that will aggravate her. Instead, be attentive and fully present without being pushy. Give her space to open up when she feels comfortable. When it feels natural, ask her to tell you about her grandmother. Offer to tell her about yours and any fond memories you have from your childhood. Ask her to share her memories. Allow her to share with you when she feels ready. Your presence can be enough to comfort her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for eight years. We started a bit young, but I feel concerned that maybe he does not see himself marrying me anymore. We used to talk about marriage, especially because all his older siblings had partners and at family gatherings we’d talk about their timelines, and we’ve seen two of them get married in the past few years. I wonder if he’s changed his mind. I fear that these past years didn’t mean as much to him as they have to me. My fears and worries about this are creeping into my relationship, and sometimes I feel awkward and nervous around my partner, despite how comfortable we’ve always been. Honestly, though, I am afraid to know the truth. What if he has changed his mind? How will I feel if I ask and he admits that? How will I move on? -- End of the Road

DEAR END OF THE ROAD: Now is not the time to be silent. Drum up the courage to have a heart-to-heart talk with your boyfriend. If you want to get married, be prepared to tell him. Point out how long you two have been together and all that you have lived through. Put your stake in the ground. Tell him you are ready for the next step: making your bond official. Ask if he wants that as well. Be direct. This is your life you are talking about. You have every right to want to be clear about whether your partner wants the same thing as you. If he does not, it is better to know now so that you can move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I broke up a few months ago after dating for nearly two years. It was a mutual decision, and while it was sad, we both agreed it was for the best. Since then, we’ve gone our separate ways and haven’t really stayed in touch, which I was OK with. The awkward part is that his mom keeps texting me to “check in.” She’ll send messages asking how I’m doing, complimenting things she’s seen on my social media or saying she misses having me around. Sometimes she even brings up her son and how she wishes we’d worked things out. I genuinely like her; she was always so kind to me, and I know her heart is in the right place, but it’s starting to feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but every time my phone buzzes with a text from her, it pulls me back into a relationship I’ve been trying to move on from. I also don’t want to make things awkward for my ex if he finds out we’re still in touch.

How can I politely set boundaries with his mom without seeming cold or disrespectful? Is there a way to end the contact gracefully, or should I just stop replying and hope she gets the hint? -- Releasing Mom

DEAR RELEASING MOM: The thing about relationships is that they involve more than just two people -- especially if they lasted a long time. A few months after a two-year relationship ended may feel fresh for his mom.

Speak to her and tell her how much you appreciate her, but admit that it’s hard for you to move on when she is continuing to try to keep you in the fold. Thank her for her loving support and ask her to release you. Tell her you and her son have moved on, and she must, too.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)