DEAR HARRIETTE: My younger brother and I grew up in the same house but had very different experiences with our father. As kids, I always felt like Dad was harder on me. He was quick to criticize and slow to show affection while my brother seemed to get the best part of him.

Now that we’re adults, I thought we could finally talk about it, but every time I bring it up, my brother shuts down or gets defensive. He insists I’m exaggerating, defends our father’s behavior and sometimes even turns it back on me, saying I’m being “too sensitive” or “still holding a grudge.”

My brother seems unwilling to understand my point of view. I’m not trying to tear down our dad, but I feel so isolated. Even my dad insists that he treated us the same -- no exceptions. How do I make peace with the fact that my own family may never acknowledge my feelings in this way? -- Split Decision

DEAR SPLIT DECISION: Your family is stuck in its way of being. They cannot see beyond the moment and are not willing, at least right now, to consider your perspective. That’s OK. Find somebody else to talk to -- namely a therapist. You are at the perfect point in your life to talk about your past and present with a professional who can help you process your feelings and experiences. This is how you can free yourself from whatever pain you are holding onto.

That doesn’t mean that you will resolve how you were treated as a child with your brother. Your family may never be able to see what you are saying or talk about the past, but you can and should evaluate your life, process your experiences and develop healthy ways to live today, regardless of how they behave.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has just experienced a major loss. Her grandmother passed away in another country, and she won’t be able to make it to the funeral. She and I have been best friends for almost 16 years, and I am just noticing that within that time frame, she’s never experienced death in her immediate family. My friend is a reserved person, so even when I asked her how she was doing, she didn’t tell me. Her sister shared with me about the loss, but my friend only told me that she wasn’t having a great week. I gave her my condolences, but I want to be able to support her even if she may not want to discuss it. Are there any other ways I can offer my love and support without being pushy or invasive? -- How To Grieve

DEAR HOW TO GRIEVE: Don’t push your friend; that will aggravate her. Instead, be attentive and fully present without being pushy. Give her space to open up when she feels comfortable. When it feels natural, ask her to tell you about her grandmother. Offer to tell her about yours and any fond memories you have from your childhood. Ask her to share her memories. Allow her to share with you when she feels ready. Your presence can be enough to comfort her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for eight years. We started a bit young, but I feel concerned that maybe he does not see himself marrying me anymore. We used to talk about marriage, especially because all his older siblings had partners and at family gatherings we’d talk about their timelines, and we’ve seen two of them get married in the past few years. I wonder if he’s changed his mind. I fear that these past years didn’t mean as much to him as they have to me. My fears and worries about this are creeping into my relationship, and sometimes I feel awkward and nervous around my partner, despite how comfortable we’ve always been. Honestly, though, I am afraid to know the truth. What if he has changed his mind? How will I feel if I ask and he admits that? How will I move on? -- End of the Road

DEAR END OF THE ROAD: Now is not the time to be silent. Drum up the courage to have a heart-to-heart talk with your boyfriend. If you want to get married, be prepared to tell him. Point out how long you two have been together and all that you have lived through. Put your stake in the ground. Tell him you are ready for the next step: making your bond official. Ask if he wants that as well. Be direct. This is your life you are talking about. You have every right to want to be clear about whether your partner wants the same thing as you. If he does not, it is better to know now so that you can move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I broke up a few months ago after dating for nearly two years. It was a mutual decision, and while it was sad, we both agreed it was for the best. Since then, we’ve gone our separate ways and haven’t really stayed in touch, which I was OK with. The awkward part is that his mom keeps texting me to “check in.” She’ll send messages asking how I’m doing, complimenting things she’s seen on my social media or saying she misses having me around. Sometimes she even brings up her son and how she wishes we’d worked things out. I genuinely like her; she was always so kind to me, and I know her heart is in the right place, but it’s starting to feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but every time my phone buzzes with a text from her, it pulls me back into a relationship I’ve been trying to move on from. I also don’t want to make things awkward for my ex if he finds out we’re still in touch.

How can I politely set boundaries with his mom without seeming cold or disrespectful? Is there a way to end the contact gracefully, or should I just stop replying and hope she gets the hint? -- Releasing Mom

DEAR RELEASING MOM: The thing about relationships is that they involve more than just two people -- especially if they lasted a long time. A few months after a two-year relationship ended may feel fresh for his mom.

Speak to her and tell her how much you appreciate her, but admit that it’s hard for you to move on when she is continuing to try to keep you in the fold. Thank her for her loving support and ask her to release you. Tell her you and her son have moved on, and she must, too.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend always changes her story when it comes to small things, but I feel like the accumulation of all these small inconsistencies is starting to get to me. For example, she was just talking about how she plans to work at the company we both work at for five more years, but then not even two minutes later, she mentioned wanting to apply to grad school within the next year. It’s hard to keep up when her story changes so frequently, and sometimes I feel like I can’t tell what’s actually true.

It’s not just about work; she does this in other parts of her life, too. One week she’s talking about saving money and being serious about her goals, and the next she’s making impulsive plans that completely contradict what she said before. I don’t think she’s intentionally lying, but it’s starting to make me question her credibility and reliability.

I want to be a supportive friend, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m constantly trying to decode what’s real and what’s not. How can I bring this up without sounding judgmental or confrontational? I care about her, but I’m starting to lose patience. -- Inconsistent

DEAR INCONSISTENT: Sit down with your friend and let her know that she is confusing you. Give her a few examples of things she has passionately told you only to reverse moments later. Tell her it is hard for you to know when she’s serious, as she changes her mind so frequently. Admit that it is frustrating to you. Listen to how she responds.

Ultimately, you may have to back off a bit and not get so invested in her ideas, especially if they are consistently inconsistent. You can listen neutrally, not allow yourself to go down a rabbit hole to help and, instead, just be a sounding board.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend group of three, and lately I’ve noticed growing tension between my two other friends. They don’t seem to understand each other’s personalities, and it’s starting to create awkwardness whenever we hang out together. One of them is more outspoken and direct, while the other is quieter and tends to take things personally, so what might just be playful teasing to one feels like criticism to the other.

I find myself stuck in the middle, constantly trying to smooth things over or change the subject before things get uncomfortable. It’s exhausting because I care about both of them, but I don’t know how to help them get along without seeming like I’m taking sides. I’ve tried subtly hinting to each of them that the other doesn’t mean any harm, but it doesn’t seem to help. They both leave hangouts feeling frustrated. I miss when the three of us could have fun together without this underlying tension. Should I sit them down to talk things out, or is that overstepping? I don’t want to make things worse by forcing a confrontation, but I also don’t want to keep pretending everything’s fine when it clearly isn’t. -- Friction

DEAR FRICTION: Address the elephant in the room. Ask them individually why they are feuding. Invite them to discuss it all together. If they are unwilling or that doesn’t work, consider hanging out one on one with each of them for a while. That friend group may be history.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)