DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved in with my boyfriend recently, and my parents are furious. I come from a traditional background where living together before marriage is considered shameful. My mother won’t speak to me, and my father told me he didn’t raise me this way. I understand their values, but I think this is a step toward building a healthy relationship before marriage. Still, their disappointment hurts, and part of me feels guilty for letting them down. How do I balance respecting my parents’ beliefs while still living my own life? Is there any way to bridge this gap, or do I just accept that we may never see eye to eye? -- Parent Expectations

DEAR PARENT EXPECTATIONS: While social mores have relaxed considerably in this country, that doesn’t mean everyone has fallen in line. For more religious people or those who follow traditional rules of the household, living together remains taboo. Historically, intimacy was to be reserved for couples after they married -- not before. There was to be no “trying it out” to see if two people are suited for each other.

You know this. It is unlikely that you will be able to get your parents to change their fundamental philosophies about life. What you can do is tell them that it was not your intention to dishonor them with your choices. Time will reveal whether you can live like this and have any relationship with them, or if it’s worth it for you to make your own choices and find happiness when your parents are so upset. Keep your eyes open. Talk to your boyfriend along the way. You two will need to stand united regarding your decision in order for you to have any peace.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love my best friend, but our friendship is beginning to feel transactional. Lately, she keeps “forgetting” to repay small loans -- for things like drinks, rideshares, movie tickets, etc. She always promises to send it later, but the payments never come. I’ve let it slide for months because it’s not like we’re talking about hundreds of dollars, but it’s starting to add up, and at this point, it feels like she’s taking advantage of me. I’m feeling a little resentful. How can I bring this up without sounding cheap or damaging the relationship? Or should I just start saying I don’t have it when she asks me to spot her and hope she gets the hint? -- Feeling Shortchanged

DEAR FEELING SHORTCHANGED: You say she’s your best friend. Find out what’s going on in her life. This represents a change of behavior. Did she lose her job? Does she suddenly have more expenses? What has happened? Ask her directly.

Frame it by recalling the truth. Tell her you have noticed that in recent weeks and months, she has asked you to spot her money more frequently, and she has never paid you back. Admit that this has left you feeling uncomfortable as this behavior is uncharacteristic of her. Ask her what’s going on or if she’s in trouble. Listen to learn. If the answer is unsatisfactory, stop giving her money moving forward.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom passed a few weeks ago. We’ve been estranged for years. She moved to the United States when I was young in hopes of creating a better life for her children. She sent for me eventually, but I liked the life I had in our home country, so I stayed.

While in the U.S., my mom and dad had my younger brother. We’ve never been close, but after losing our mom, he and I have been interacting way more than ever before. He introduced me to his girlfriend -- apparently, she was with our mom the day before she passed. In an emotional moment, she mentioned that in their last conversations, my mom said she’d love for her and my brother to get serious. She claims my mom said, “I want you to be my daughter.” I don’t think my brother’s girlfriend meant any harm telling me this story, but it stung. I feel so bruised knowing that we never really had a healthy mother-daughter dynamic. How can I let this go knowing that I won’t ever be able to change it? -- Missing Mom

DEAR MISSING MOM: Though your mother is gone, you can still seek closure with her. Write her a letter expressing the array of emotions that you feel about her. Recall your early experiences, like when she left you in your home country and how that made you guarded when she did send for you. Recount what your life was like growing up and how you felt about her. Apologize for not being closer to her. You may even want to give your blessing for her relationship with your brother’s girlfriend. While it would have been nice for you to be close to her, it’s good that she had a daughter figure in her life. Forgive yourself and her for all the pain that existed between you. You can pray over the note, burn it as a sign of release and do your best to move on, remembering the good that you experienced with your mom.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I have been married for 12 years now. I was single for a long time, and when I met her, she had teenage twins. When we got married, they moved into my home, and I treated her children as my own. I helped them purchase their first cars, paid rent for their first apartments and put them through college. There is no cap on giving when it comes to being a parent, but sometimes it feels like my wife wants me to prove my love with my checkbook. I am gearing up to retire, and she asked if I would be willing to give the girls monthly stipends from my retirement income. They both work full-time, and I haven’t even retired yet! I don’t want it to seem like I won’t spend for them, but I also don’t want to feel guilty if I disagree with this adult allowance. How can I get my wife on the same page? -- Setting Boundaries

DEAR SETTING BOUNDARIES: These girls are basically your children. What do you want to enforce? Tell your wife that it’s important for adult children to become independent. That means it’s time for them to pay for their own lives. This doesn’t mean you don’t love them; it means you are helping to set them up for success. Also, you and your wife need your retirement income to take care of yourselves.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: The company I work for is known for having a great work-life balance and an overall positive culture -- that's one of the main reasons I accepted the job in the first place. Unfortunately, I seem to have ended up with one of the few managers who doesn’t follow that philosophy. She has a habit of coming in early and staying late, and I’ve noticed she expects me to do the same. Even if I’ve finished my tasks for the day, I feel pressured to stay just because she’s still in the office.

What’s been even more frustrating is that she often assigns me “urgent” projects or last-minute tasks during the final hour of the workday. These aren’t true emergencies; they’re things that could’ve easily been delegated earlier, but she phrases them as immediate priorities, so I can’t say no without seeming uncooperative. As a result, I’m constantly leaving late, exhausted, and feeling guilty for not speaking up.

It’s confusing because the rest of my team and other managers seem to have healthy boundaries and flexible schedules; it’s just my boss who seems to live at the office, and she expects me to match her pace. I’m worried that if I push back, she’ll think I’m not dedicated enough, but I don’t want to burn out or let this define my experience at a company I otherwise love. -- Off Balance

DEAR OFF BALANCE: Before saying anything, do some research. Are there any opportunities in other departments at your company? You may not be able to change your boss’s rhythm, but since you love the company, find out if there might be a better fit for you within it.

You can also speak to your boss. Tell her how much you want to do a great job, but you are struggling. Admit that you may not have the stamina to do the constant late nights and early mornings. Ask if she can attempt to give you your assignments in advance so that you can manage your time more efficiently.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex keeps popping up and treating my family members like they are his family members. We broke up over a year ago, and it was in part because I didn’t think he respected my boundaries. For example, he’d show up to milestone events with flowers and gifts, even if I told him in advance I wanted to be with friends or family only. It felt invasive. He never gave me the chance to welcome him into my life; he’d just storm his way in. Because he’s nice and would show up with gifts, a lot of my friends and loved ones mistook his visits as romantic gestures.

Now my ex has resurfaced. We have mutual friends, and when we see each other at local events, he still calls my family “mom” or “bro” or “sis.” It feels like he’s trying to hold his presence in my life. How do I set a hard boundary once and for all? -- Overzealous Ex

DEAR OVERZEALOUS EX: Tell your family and loved ones that he is stalking you, even though it seems friendly. Ask them to resist welcoming him when he comes around. Speak to him directly and tell him to back off. Your relationship is over, and you have moved on. You need him to do the same.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)