DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom passed a few weeks ago. We’ve been estranged for years. She moved to the United States when I was young in hopes of creating a better life for her children. She sent for me eventually, but I liked the life I had in our home country, so I stayed.

While in the U.S., my mom and dad had my younger brother. We’ve never been close, but after losing our mom, he and I have been interacting way more than ever before. He introduced me to his girlfriend -- apparently, she was with our mom the day before she passed. In an emotional moment, she mentioned that in their last conversations, my mom said she’d love for her and my brother to get serious. She claims my mom said, “I want you to be my daughter.” I don’t think my brother’s girlfriend meant any harm telling me this story, but it stung. I feel so bruised knowing that we never really had a healthy mother-daughter dynamic. How can I let this go knowing that I won’t ever be able to change it? -- Missing Mom

DEAR MISSING MOM: Though your mother is gone, you can still seek closure with her. Write her a letter expressing the array of emotions that you feel about her. Recall your early experiences, like when she left you in your home country and how that made you guarded when she did send for you. Recount what your life was like growing up and how you felt about her. Apologize for not being closer to her. You may even want to give your blessing for her relationship with your brother’s girlfriend. While it would have been nice for you to be close to her, it’s good that she had a daughter figure in her life. Forgive yourself and her for all the pain that existed between you. You can pray over the note, burn it as a sign of release and do your best to move on, remembering the good that you experienced with your mom.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I have been married for 12 years now. I was single for a long time, and when I met her, she had teenage twins. When we got married, they moved into my home, and I treated her children as my own. I helped them purchase their first cars, paid rent for their first apartments and put them through college. There is no cap on giving when it comes to being a parent, but sometimes it feels like my wife wants me to prove my love with my checkbook. I am gearing up to retire, and she asked if I would be willing to give the girls monthly stipends from my retirement income. They both work full-time, and I haven’t even retired yet! I don’t want it to seem like I won’t spend for them, but I also don’t want to feel guilty if I disagree with this adult allowance. How can I get my wife on the same page? -- Setting Boundaries

DEAR SETTING BOUNDARIES: These girls are basically your children. What do you want to enforce? Tell your wife that it’s important for adult children to become independent. That means it’s time for them to pay for their own lives. This doesn’t mean you don’t love them; it means you are helping to set them up for success. Also, you and your wife need your retirement income to take care of yourselves.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: The company I work for is known for having a great work-life balance and an overall positive culture -- that's one of the main reasons I accepted the job in the first place. Unfortunately, I seem to have ended up with one of the few managers who doesn’t follow that philosophy. She has a habit of coming in early and staying late, and I’ve noticed she expects me to do the same. Even if I’ve finished my tasks for the day, I feel pressured to stay just because she’s still in the office.

What’s been even more frustrating is that she often assigns me “urgent” projects or last-minute tasks during the final hour of the workday. These aren’t true emergencies; they’re things that could’ve easily been delegated earlier, but she phrases them as immediate priorities, so I can’t say no without seeming uncooperative. As a result, I’m constantly leaving late, exhausted, and feeling guilty for not speaking up.

It’s confusing because the rest of my team and other managers seem to have healthy boundaries and flexible schedules; it’s just my boss who seems to live at the office, and she expects me to match her pace. I’m worried that if I push back, she’ll think I’m not dedicated enough, but I don’t want to burn out or let this define my experience at a company I otherwise love. -- Off Balance

DEAR OFF BALANCE: Before saying anything, do some research. Are there any opportunities in other departments at your company? You may not be able to change your boss’s rhythm, but since you love the company, find out if there might be a better fit for you within it.

You can also speak to your boss. Tell her how much you want to do a great job, but you are struggling. Admit that you may not have the stamina to do the constant late nights and early mornings. Ask if she can attempt to give you your assignments in advance so that you can manage your time more efficiently.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex keeps popping up and treating my family members like they are his family members. We broke up over a year ago, and it was in part because I didn’t think he respected my boundaries. For example, he’d show up to milestone events with flowers and gifts, even if I told him in advance I wanted to be with friends or family only. It felt invasive. He never gave me the chance to welcome him into my life; he’d just storm his way in. Because he’s nice and would show up with gifts, a lot of my friends and loved ones mistook his visits as romantic gestures.

Now my ex has resurfaced. We have mutual friends, and when we see each other at local events, he still calls my family “mom” or “bro” or “sis.” It feels like he’s trying to hold his presence in my life. How do I set a hard boundary once and for all? -- Overzealous Ex

DEAR OVERZEALOUS EX: Tell your family and loved ones that he is stalking you, even though it seems friendly. Ask them to resist welcoming him when he comes around. Speak to him directly and tell him to back off. Your relationship is over, and you have moved on. You need him to do the same.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started making pottery as a new hobby, and I love it, but my roommate keeps making jokes about how messy it is. She calls it a “mud factory” and even moves my supplies around without asking, which makes it hard for me to focus or enjoy my work. At first, I tried to laugh it off and tell myself it’s harmless teasing, but it’s starting to get under my skin. I look forward to pottery as a way to relax and express myself, and I feel like I shouldn’t have to feel embarrassed about something that brings me joy.

The tension has started to affect our overall living environment. Sometimes I catch myself avoiding my own hobby just to keep the peace, which makes me feel resentful and frustrated. I’ve tried dropping hints about needing space and respect, but my roommate doesn’t seem to take it seriously. I don’t want to start arguments or make our apartment uncomfortable, but I also don’t want to give up something that’s important to me. How can I set boundaries with my roommate in a way that feels firm but fair, and keep a positive and friendly living environment? -- Hobby Gone Wrong

DEAR HOBBY GONE WRONG: Where are you doing your pottery? This is likely your roommate’s problem. Pottery is a messy hobby that generates a lot of dust. It is typically something people do in a studio, garage or other enclosed area that is away from living space. If you have your wheel set up in a common area, your roommate is probably uncomfortable with that, and justifiably so. Find a place in your home that is separate from her -- even if it is in your personal bedroom. The only drawback there is that you really don’t want to breathe in that dust when you are sleeping. If you have an outdoor area, put it there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have friends, but I don’t feel like I truly connect with them or have a strong bond like you see in the movies. We hang out and have fun, but something is missing -- like they don’t really get me on a deeper level. I see other people who seem to have soulmate-type friendships, where they can talk about anything and fully trust each other, and I can’t help but feel jealous. I wonder if I’m doing something wrong or if I haven’t met the right people yet.

How do I build more meaningful friendships that feel genuine and lasting? I try to open up more, but sometimes it feels like others aren’t as willing to go there emotionally. It makes me question if I’m expecting too much from my friendships or if I just haven’t found people who align with me. I want to feel seen and supported, not just have surface connections. Sometimes I find myself pulling back because I don’t want to seem needy or overly emotional. I just wish I knew how to create friendships that feel real and mutually fulfilling. -- Shallow

DEAR SHALLOW: Deep friendships grow over time -- sometimes years. You will be lucky to have one or two in a lifetime, and that’s OK. Rather than searching for something that may not be there right now, get to know the friends you have better and notice your synergies. Life is not the movies. Just be yourself and get closer to people naturally. Let it take however long it takes to blossom.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)