DEAR HARRIETTE: I started making pottery as a new hobby, and I love it, but my roommate keeps making jokes about how messy it is. She calls it a “mud factory” and even moves my supplies around without asking, which makes it hard for me to focus or enjoy my work. At first, I tried to laugh it off and tell myself it’s harmless teasing, but it’s starting to get under my skin. I look forward to pottery as a way to relax and express myself, and I feel like I shouldn’t have to feel embarrassed about something that brings me joy.

The tension has started to affect our overall living environment. Sometimes I catch myself avoiding my own hobby just to keep the peace, which makes me feel resentful and frustrated. I’ve tried dropping hints about needing space and respect, but my roommate doesn’t seem to take it seriously. I don’t want to start arguments or make our apartment uncomfortable, but I also don’t want to give up something that’s important to me. How can I set boundaries with my roommate in a way that feels firm but fair, and keep a positive and friendly living environment? -- Hobby Gone Wrong

DEAR HOBBY GONE WRONG: Where are you doing your pottery? This is likely your roommate’s problem. Pottery is a messy hobby that generates a lot of dust. It is typically something people do in a studio, garage or other enclosed area that is away from living space. If you have your wheel set up in a common area, your roommate is probably uncomfortable with that, and justifiably so. Find a place in your home that is separate from her -- even if it is in your personal bedroom. The only drawback there is that you really don’t want to breathe in that dust when you are sleeping. If you have an outdoor area, put it there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have friends, but I don’t feel like I truly connect with them or have a strong bond like you see in the movies. We hang out and have fun, but something is missing -- like they don’t really get me on a deeper level. I see other people who seem to have soulmate-type friendships, where they can talk about anything and fully trust each other, and I can’t help but feel jealous. I wonder if I’m doing something wrong or if I haven’t met the right people yet.

How do I build more meaningful friendships that feel genuine and lasting? I try to open up more, but sometimes it feels like others aren’t as willing to go there emotionally. It makes me question if I’m expecting too much from my friendships or if I just haven’t found people who align with me. I want to feel seen and supported, not just have surface connections. Sometimes I find myself pulling back because I don’t want to seem needy or overly emotional. I just wish I knew how to create friendships that feel real and mutually fulfilling. -- Shallow

DEAR SHALLOW: Deep friendships grow over time -- sometimes years. You will be lucky to have one or two in a lifetime, and that’s OK. Rather than searching for something that may not be there right now, get to know the friends you have better and notice your synergies. Life is not the movies. Just be yourself and get closer to people naturally. Let it take however long it takes to blossom.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently moved in with me, and ever since then, my cat’s behavior has completely changed. She’s been acting out: scratching furniture, hiding for hours and even refusing to eat sometimes. She used to be calm and affectionate, but now she seems anxious and territorial. My partner is trying to be patient, but I can tell he’s getting frustrated, especially since the cat hisses at him whenever he walks by or tries to sit near me. It’s creating tension between us, and I feel stuck in the middle trying to keep everyone happy. I’ve tried introducing them slowly, giving the cat space and even buying new toys to distract her, but nothing seems to help. My boyfriend thinks I’m overreacting and that the cat will “get over it,” but I know she’s genuinely stressed.

I feel guilty because I was so excited for us to finally live together, and now it feels like we’re both walking on eggshells around my pet. I love them both, but I’m starting to wonder if this living situation is sustainable. How can I help my cat adjust to this big change without it putting more strain on my relationship? -- Standoff

DEAR STANDOFF: Experts say it sometimes takes time for cats and lovers to become friends. My research suggests that you must rebuild a relationship with each of them so that jealousy reduces to a minimum and both of them know how much you love them. Catster.com advises having separate one-on-one time with your cat and your boyfriend, closing the door when you want alone time with your guy and setting aside time for the two of them to bond without you around. If your cat is motivated by food, you might have your boyfriend start feeding her so she has that positive association. You can also try calling in a pet trainer for more personalized help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got married recently, and while the day was beautiful overall, a few unexpected guests showed up -- actual wedding crashers! At first, I thought maybe they were distant friends of my husband’s, but it became obvious they didn’t know anyone. They ate, drank and even joined us on the dance floor like they belonged there. By the time we realized what was happening, they had already helped themselves to food, drinks and favors meant for our guests. I’m still upset thinking about how they took advantage of such a special day. Part of me feels silly for caring since the wedding was otherwise amazing, but another part of me feels disrespected. How do I let go of the frustration and focus on the positive without feeling like I let something so tacky slide? It’s become the story everyone keeps bringing up when they talk about my wedding, and I hate that it’s overshadowing the good memories. Should I just laugh it off, or is it OK that I'm still bothered by it? I want to move on, but I can’t help replaying the moment and wondering how people could be so inconsiderate. -- Crashers

DEAR CRASHERS: Every wedding has its idiosyncrasies. Yours had wedding crashers. Embrace the novelty of it. Your wedding was so hot that others wanted to join the fun!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiance and I dated for a little while in high school and rekindled after college. About a year ago, he proposed to me, and I said yes. At the time, I was living with my parents but spent many nights at his place, so eventually, I moved in. It wasn’t planned, but I am the oldest of a family of seven children, so I spent a lot of time at my fiance’s place by default.

After moving in with my fiance, he became a lot more vocal about his expectations of me as a wife. He’s no longer the sweet, romantic guy I dated over the years. His idea of chivalry is telling me that I have no need for male friends because he’s the only man I need. His idea of romance is reminding me that I am his “forever and always.” He has become so strict that I’m shocked. There’s no room for me back at my parents’, and honestly, I’m a bit concerned how he’d react if I were to break off the engagement. What should I do? -- Trapped

DEAR TRAPPED: Count your blessings that you are seeing his true colors before you walk down the aisle. You absolutely should not marry someone who is treating you this way. Now is the time to make a plan. Save your money. Look for a new place to live that you can afford. Set yourself up before you break the news that you are leaving. Because he is so controlling, he may react poorly. For your safety, try to move your things out when he isn’t home. Once you've done that, meet him for dinner somewhere, let him know it's over and give him the keys. This may seem harsh, but it is a safe way to leave. Do not meet him in private, no matter how strongly he suggests it. You can talk on the phone afterward -- but at a safe distance from him. If it seems like he may become violent, you can always call the police and request a civil standby to have an officer present while you move your things.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When my wife and I got married, we had some clear financial goals: pay down student loans, purchase another car, purchase our first home. At the time, neither of us had high salaries, but we were determined, so we saved a lot and were selective with our spending.

Now that we’ve checked all those boxes, my wife seems to have completely forgotten the importance of budgeting and frugality. Though we both have much better jobs now, we still have a mortgage to pay, not to mention the volatile economy we’re up against. Sometimes she makes large purchases -- furniture, handbags, vacations -- without even floating it past me first. I think it’s irresponsible and selfish for her to be so careless with our earnings, but maybe my delivery has been wrong. We’ve been drifting apart, and I can’t stand the thought of money being our biggest downfall. What can I say to my wife that will get my point across without insulting her or controlling her? -- Root of All Evil

DEAR ROOT OF ALL EVIL: Invite your wife to a strategy session for the future. Remind her of how frugal you two were in the early days. Ask her to think about the years ahead and what you need to do to prepare for them. Talk about your retirement funds, how long you think you will continue to work and what resources you need. Suggest that you both cut back on spending to ensure that you have enough money for your later years. Get her to agree on an amount each of you will contribute to joint expenses and savings each month, and try not to worry about what she does with the remainder of her own paycheck.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)