DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently moved in with me, and ever since then, my cat’s behavior has completely changed. She’s been acting out: scratching furniture, hiding for hours and even refusing to eat sometimes. She used to be calm and affectionate, but now she seems anxious and territorial. My partner is trying to be patient, but I can tell he’s getting frustrated, especially since the cat hisses at him whenever he walks by or tries to sit near me. It’s creating tension between us, and I feel stuck in the middle trying to keep everyone happy. I’ve tried introducing them slowly, giving the cat space and even buying new toys to distract her, but nothing seems to help. My boyfriend thinks I’m overreacting and that the cat will “get over it,” but I know she’s genuinely stressed.

I feel guilty because I was so excited for us to finally live together, and now it feels like we’re both walking on eggshells around my pet. I love them both, but I’m starting to wonder if this living situation is sustainable. How can I help my cat adjust to this big change without it putting more strain on my relationship? -- Standoff

DEAR STANDOFF: Experts say it sometimes takes time for cats and lovers to become friends. My research suggests that you must rebuild a relationship with each of them so that jealousy reduces to a minimum and both of them know how much you love them. Catster.com advises having separate one-on-one time with your cat and your boyfriend, closing the door when you want alone time with your guy and setting aside time for the two of them to bond without you around. If your cat is motivated by food, you might have your boyfriend start feeding her so she has that positive association. You can also try calling in a pet trainer for more personalized help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got married recently, and while the day was beautiful overall, a few unexpected guests showed up -- actual wedding crashers! At first, I thought maybe they were distant friends of my husband’s, but it became obvious they didn’t know anyone. They ate, drank and even joined us on the dance floor like they belonged there. By the time we realized what was happening, they had already helped themselves to food, drinks and favors meant for our guests. I’m still upset thinking about how they took advantage of such a special day. Part of me feels silly for caring since the wedding was otherwise amazing, but another part of me feels disrespected. How do I let go of the frustration and focus on the positive without feeling like I let something so tacky slide? It’s become the story everyone keeps bringing up when they talk about my wedding, and I hate that it’s overshadowing the good memories. Should I just laugh it off, or is it OK that I'm still bothered by it? I want to move on, but I can’t help replaying the moment and wondering how people could be so inconsiderate. -- Crashers

DEAR CRASHERS: Every wedding has its idiosyncrasies. Yours had wedding crashers. Embrace the novelty of it. Your wedding was so hot that others wanted to join the fun!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiance and I dated for a little while in high school and rekindled after college. About a year ago, he proposed to me, and I said yes. At the time, I was living with my parents but spent many nights at his place, so eventually, I moved in. It wasn’t planned, but I am the oldest of a family of seven children, so I spent a lot of time at my fiance’s place by default.

After moving in with my fiance, he became a lot more vocal about his expectations of me as a wife. He’s no longer the sweet, romantic guy I dated over the years. His idea of chivalry is telling me that I have no need for male friends because he’s the only man I need. His idea of romance is reminding me that I am his “forever and always.” He has become so strict that I’m shocked. There’s no room for me back at my parents’, and honestly, I’m a bit concerned how he’d react if I were to break off the engagement. What should I do? -- Trapped

DEAR TRAPPED: Count your blessings that you are seeing his true colors before you walk down the aisle. You absolutely should not marry someone who is treating you this way. Now is the time to make a plan. Save your money. Look for a new place to live that you can afford. Set yourself up before you break the news that you are leaving. Because he is so controlling, he may react poorly. For your safety, try to move your things out when he isn’t home. Once you've done that, meet him for dinner somewhere, let him know it's over and give him the keys. This may seem harsh, but it is a safe way to leave. Do not meet him in private, no matter how strongly he suggests it. You can talk on the phone afterward -- but at a safe distance from him. If it seems like he may become violent, you can always call the police and request a civil standby to have an officer present while you move your things.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When my wife and I got married, we had some clear financial goals: pay down student loans, purchase another car, purchase our first home. At the time, neither of us had high salaries, but we were determined, so we saved a lot and were selective with our spending.

Now that we’ve checked all those boxes, my wife seems to have completely forgotten the importance of budgeting and frugality. Though we both have much better jobs now, we still have a mortgage to pay, not to mention the volatile economy we’re up against. Sometimes she makes large purchases -- furniture, handbags, vacations -- without even floating it past me first. I think it’s irresponsible and selfish for her to be so careless with our earnings, but maybe my delivery has been wrong. We’ve been drifting apart, and I can’t stand the thought of money being our biggest downfall. What can I say to my wife that will get my point across without insulting her or controlling her? -- Root of All Evil

DEAR ROOT OF ALL EVIL: Invite your wife to a strategy session for the future. Remind her of how frugal you two were in the early days. Ask her to think about the years ahead and what you need to do to prepare for them. Talk about your retirement funds, how long you think you will continue to work and what resources you need. Suggest that you both cut back on spending to ensure that you have enough money for your later years. Get her to agree on an amount each of you will contribute to joint expenses and savings each month, and try not to worry about what she does with the remainder of her own paycheck.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been talking to a guy for about a year now. It has been casual for two reasons: He is unemployed (for quite some time now) and struggling, and I am in the beginning of a divorce -- a messy scenario.

We like each other and have enjoyed talking. Being the person I am, I have helped him in different ways, coaching him on his resume and helping him apply for jobs online, occasionally slipping him a few dollars when times have been tight. I am beginning to realize that he does not return the favor in ways he could. If I want to talk about what’s going on with me, he is often unavailable. I mentioned how frustrating that is for me the other day, and I even said I thought it was unfair: I am there for him when he needs me, but he is not there for me. He blew up and said he hasn’t asked me for anything. He got offended and accused me of thinking he is taking advantage of me. I was simply stating that he is often not there for me when I need to talk. He can’t offer much else as he has no money, so a listening ear should be at the ready. Am I wrong here? -- Tit for Tat

DEAR TIT FOR TAT: The two of you are in an impossible situation. You are not free to be in a relationship with him or anyone else until your divorce is fully finished. You seem to be looking for a soft landing space, perhaps because of what wasn’t working in your marriage. He has proven that he cannot be that for you, and that is frustrating.

This man is in a desperate spot. With no job and limited means, he is in no position to offer counsel or attentiveness. You must stop wanting him to be who he is not. Let him go and focus on solving your own issues.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I stopped by to visit an acquaintance earlier this week. A while back, I had heard through mutual friends that she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. Recently, her older sister -- who was her primary caregiver -- passed away.

I decided to pay a visit to my friend to say hello and offer my condolences. While I was there, another friend visited her -- a doctor who helped her do some mild physical therapy, reminding her it is good to stay in that practice as much as possible. As I got ready to head out, this doctor suggested that I stop by a few times a week to help with some light exercise, take her for walks, see how she’s doing and more. I hadn’t met this doctor before, and while my friend and I have a long history, we don’t have much of a current relationship. I felt awkward and sort of agreed to take on this role, but this is not something I am comfortable with. I wish I’d stood my ground in the moment, but how do I back out of such a huge commitment? -- Caretaker

DEAR CARETAKER: Contact the doctor and make it clear that you cannot commit to the schedule requested of you. Whatever you can do -- once a week, once a month -- offer that for now. Find out if there is anyone else, like friends, family or caregivers covered by insurance, who can pitch in.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)