DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a ministry leader at my church and am well-known within the congregation. After the church service, many people like to stay in the lobby for a few minutes to chat.

I find myself often in an embarrassing situation that I don’t know how to handle: Suppose I’ve been chatting with someone, let’s call them Person A, for just a minute. Then I feel someone, Person B, touch my shoulder or arm to get my attention. I turn to see that it’s another friendly person who wishes to chat.

Now, my body is still facing Person A, with whom I wish to continue talking, but my head is turned to chat with Person B, who has interrupted our conversation.

I find this situation terribly awkward and disrespectful to Person A. Sometimes, when I finally manage to end the interaction with Person B, Person A has already left. I feel awful when this happens, and it occurs far too often.

I don’t understand how Person B can feel it’s acceptable to interrupt an ongoing conversation, but at the same time, I don’t know how to ignore someone who is physically trying to get my attention. Can you please advise me on how to handle this situation?

GENTLE READER: Ah yes, the ministry two-step. Listen raptly until Person A reaches the end of a sentence. Say, “Excuse me just one second.” Turn to Person B. Say, “I was just talking to Person A, won’t you join us?” Turn back to Person A, opening up the circle to include Person B. Say (to Person A), "You were saying ..."

And do this all so quickly that neither Person A nor Person B has a chance to take over. Fortunately, as a ministry leader, you are used to commanding attention.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was “the other one” in my relationship with the person I loved. Even aside from the marital infidelity, the relationship would have been considered scandalous by my lover’s family because I am the wrong race, gender, social class, age, whatever (pick one).

My loved one died, leaving me grieving in isolation. I posted condolences, attended the funeral quietly and sometimes visit the grave alone. I need to do so as part of the grieving process; I am near recovery now, and distancing myself from the death.

Even so, the relatives have begun making pointed inquiries about me. I have ignored the questions so far, primarily because doing otherwise would be a betrayal of my loved one’s wishes and reputation. My obvious sin aside, am I now doing the proper thing?

GENTLE READER: That will depend on your guess as to the motivation behind the inquiries, as well as how much time has passed. Miss Manners would only expect you to welcome overtures from well-meaning family members for whom any thoughts of scandal or sin were buried with the deceased.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boss let me know that my co-workers have often “told on me,” reporting when I arrive back to work three minutes late from lunch or leave a few minutes early (to make sure I took the time off).

I don’t know how to continue to work with these people and see them daily, now that I know that none of them are my friends -- and that, in fact, they have it out for me and are reporting every little thing I do.

GENTLE READER: Naive Miss Manners never fell for the line that her co-workers should also be her best friends. But then, she also never suffered the heartache of being fired after years on the job only to discover, as so many have, that all those supposed friends no longer returned her calls.

She would, however, have taken note of a boss who was decent enough to tell her what was going on -- both so that she could correct the behavior that might be threatening her continued employment and to establish some reasonable expectations about co-workers.

As to these particular colleagues, Miss Manners would have no trouble treating them with a professional aloofness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it worse to go to a party without RSVPing or to not go to the party?

GENTLE READER: As this is a question about skipping important steps, Miss Manners noticed a few other points missing.

As there is nothing wrong with declining an invitation, she presumes your second option refers to the rudeness of failing to attend after having said you would. And you would not call someone rude for failing to attend due to a recognized exception such as a genuine illness.

Either way, her answer is, “Why do you ask?” If it is to keep score, she will remind you that two wrongs do not make a right. However, showing up unexpected is harder on the host, who will now have to stretch his four-bean stew to five guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my children were growing up, we were close friends with another family. Both families taught the children old-fashioned respect for their elders and expected them to call adults by "Mr." or "Mrs."

One of their children is now attending our church. She is in her mid-20s and I am 49. She continues to refer to me as "Mrs. Smith." It feels awkward, especially in small groups like our women’s Bible study. I have invited her to call me by my first name several times.

She is a sweet girl, and I don’t want her to feel chastised. But it makes me feel strange. Should I let it go or continue to ask her to use my first name?

GENTLE READER: You may decide how you wish to be addressed, but there is no reason the adjustment needs to be unpleasant for her.

On the contrary, take her aside and make a fuss over how charmed you are to have her as an adult friend -- how she is no longer a child -- and how much it would mean to you for her to address you as such. Just please, for Miss Manners’ sake, refrain from the trite excuse that being called "Mrs." makes you feel old.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should a daughter spend Father’s Day with her husband or her father?

I haven’t seen my daughter on Father’s Day since she got married 18 years ago. Her husband demands to spend Father’s Day at their beach house 300 miles away, and later, they will want to host me there for a visit.

I think this is extremely selfish of him and a slap in the face to me. She has no backbone when it comes to him and his family; she "married up," or so she thinks. I am not going to condone this any longer, and I know it will put a big rift between us.

I am tired of enabling this behavior. I deserve more respect. Her husband is not her father, I am! Let him go to the beach house and take the kids with him. His ego creates this divide!

GENTLE READER: You are tempting Miss Manners to guess why you don’t get along with your daughter’s family. But as she prides herself on answering people’s questions when they are within her field of expertise, rather than shuffling everyone off to therapy, she will attempt to defuse this situation.

First, you refer to the couple’s children. It is reasonable for them to want to celebrate Father’s Day as a family, including with Mama. Or did the husband leave your daughter alone on Mother’s Day in favor of his own mother?

Second, the likelihood of your daughter being held hostage by her husband, unable to break away to see her own father, is not great.

Third, they are not ostracizing you. They have invited you to their beach house for a visit.

So the etiquette problem is not their behavior, but your taking insult.

You already know what your options are: to accept the situation, or to continue to rail against your daughter and son-in-law for their perfectly reasonable behavior and thus cause a family rift. Your choice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper dining etiquette with regard to the hand that is not holding a utensil?

When we traveled to Europe, the locals did not like that my unused arm was in my lap, as they said that was improper. My children are constantly bucking my request of using good table manners.

GENTLE READER: The expensive way to solve this would be to offer to take the children to Europe once they master the difference between American and European customs.

In America, it is proper to keep the unused hand in one’s lap; in Europe, it is rested on the table. In neither part of the world is it polite to characterize others’ manners as rude.

And Miss Manners notes that throughout the world, it is proper for children to listen to their parents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why does it always happen when you are in a public place like a bus, you speak to someone and at least one stranger looks and hangs on to your private conversation? What can one do to stop that?

GENTLE READER: That’s what bus stops are for.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)