DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is graduating from high school, but she does not want a party. I would still like to send out graduation cards to help celebrate her achievement, but I don’t know how to write it. Should I state that she is not having a party, but that she is attending the ceremony?

I would like for people to have a way to congratulate her without having a party. How do I do this?

GENTLE READER: What do you mean by “congratulate,” and by “a way” for others to do so?

Surely anyone who is friendly with your daughter will wish her well without being prompted by mail. And if you say or write to your friends, “I’m so proud of Tanya, who is graduating from high school,” they will doubtless offer their congratulations.

Not enough?

Miss Manners has long objected when those who receive formal announcements of graduations or weddings characterize these as “gift grabs.” Why shouldn’t people simply share their good news?

But what if it isn’t news? Or it is news that is of no particular interest to those who receive it?

The proper recipients of such announcements are people who 1. don’t already know; and 2. are presumed to be interested to hear.

Yet Miss Manners had an inquiry from someone who wanted to send one to the parents of one of her son’s graduation classmates, who may safely be presumed to know. And as schools sell announcement cards in bulk, those who order them tend to mail them in bulk, without regard to whether their targets have any personal ties to the family that would make them want to know.

It is these abuses that prompt the “gift grab” accusation, to the extent that even people who do care either succumb to what they believe is a demand, or ignore the announcement entirely.

Announcements are not invoices. The proper response to formal or informal announcements is to send congratulations, with graduation presents being strictly optional. As gifts are also optional when attending graduation parties, you should not feel that you (or your daughter) missed out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve started meeting a friend for the cheap breakfast special once a week at a local diner. But when we pay the bill at the counter, my friend always helps himself to five or six of the free lollipops next to the till.

I find it embarrassing. Is there a way to ask him to stop without insulting him?

GENTLE READER: Say, in a public voice as he takes the candy, “The orphans will be so pleased. But you know, we can buy lollipops. We don’t have to deplete the supply here.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please, please use your influence to bring back “mother” when referencing a woman who is raising children. I am so tired of hearing “mom.”

GENTLE READER: It appears that Miss Manners is not the only one who finds it patronizing when strangers appropriate the affectionate term that should be the prerogative of the family. They don’t refer to male parents as Daddy or Pops. She believes that they should be just as wary of the consequences.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is a relatively nice person who works near me in a busy financial office. They are talented and smart, but they have an annoying habit of interjecting a constant stream of unsolicited advice and warnings about health into every single conversation.

They will warn me of the plastic in teabags as they watch me make a cup of tea, or the danger of using medical-grade masks to avoid viruses. They blurt out, “Milk -- instant inflammation!” as I put cream in my coffee.

They issue warnings of the dangers of tap water while I pour myself a glass, warnings about over-the-counter painkillers while I take one for a headache, and warnings about vaccines when I mention getting a COVID booster (gee, ever heard of tetanus or polio?). After a dental appointment, I got to hear about the hazardous chemicals used in modern dentistry. I have been told about the nanoparticles in every item ever manufactured, and the risks of every medication ever made.

The advice is not without merit, but it is constant, interruptive, unsolicited and negative. It’s also become really annoying, and I’m contemplating avoiding this person.

They have made an educational journey to become a healer after retirement, and I can see how they might have some success because of their desire to help people. But not in the office, thank you. I wish they would save the warnings for their future paying clients.

What can I say in a short, humorous or simple way to stop this stream of warnings about every single move I make?

GENTLE READER: All right, here is your acting assignment:

At each warning, throw your arms up in an "I surrender" position, widen your eyes and say “UH-OH!” After you hold the pose for a minute, you can break into a smile.

Three such performances should do it. If your colleague is nice -- even “relatively nice” -- Miss Manners predicts that you will get a return smile and fewer warnings.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was seated in front of two men at a hockey game, and every other word they said was the F-word. I wanted to say something, but wondered what would be the best way to address them.

I thought about saying something like, “Hey, you look like smart guys, but your vocabulary makes you sound less than intelligent.”

Do you have a suggestion, or was ignoring them the route to take? That is what I did.

GENTLE READER: Thereby avoiding the likely response, which would be to F-off.

As offensive as that would be, Miss Manners cannot help seeing that it would come from a legitimate objection. First, that they were having a private conversation, even if you couldn’t help overhearing it. And second, that it is rude, not to mention ineffective, to go around correcting strangers.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend, who professes to love me, behaved irrationally on a two-day visit to my house. He says he is always in a lot of pain due to fibromyalgia, neuropathy and a tendon missing in his shoulder.

I have two disintegrating discs pressing on nerves in my lower back, which is very painful. During his visit, I waited on him hand and foot while he lollygagged on a sofa.

He went to take a shower in my guest bath, and apparently the shower did not work well. He screamed and yelled at the top of his lungs, slammed the bathroom door and then slammed the door to the guest bedroom. He did not come out till the next morning, when he told me the toilet in the guest bath was plugged up and ordered me to take care of it.

I was livid and told him to take care of it himself. I felt completely disrespected and felt he treated my home like a hotel.

He could have used the shower in my bathroom, but didn’t bother asking. He also complained because there were no tissues in the bath, but I have extra boxes and could have fetched one. I would be interested in your thoughts.

GENTLE READER: This is a very volatile relationship.

If it survives this visit and you are willing to try again, Miss Manners suggests you sit your friend down and explain that while you know he is in pain, his behavior at your house was unacceptable. If he wants to stay with you, you would be happy to give him a tour of where everything is and how it works, but that you will not tolerate screaming and slamming if things go awry.

Miss Manners further advises that this conversation will go better if you resist the urge to compete over your respective pain and injuries.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine has been keeping in touch with me by sending text messages that contain one sentence only: “How are you, Jen?” He never shares anything about himself, nor does he show any interest in my life beyond asking that one question.

In frustration, I texted him that I am delighted and eager to hear from him any time he has something meaningful to share, but that going forward, I will no longer respond to one-sentence text messages. He was angry at this and I have not heard from him since.

What do you think of this behavior? I am still a bit mystified by it and would like your opinion.

GENTLE READER: In a world where long, rambling text messages and lack of interest in others prevails, it seems to Miss Manners that your friend’s texts were both succinct and empathetic. Unless you are not providing her with the whole scenario.

Once you tell him how you are and ask him how he is, does he then go silent? If it really is just the one sentence and then crickets, Miss Manners will justify -- and share -- your mystification.

But it still does not warrant the tirade you unleashed upon him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)