DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is a relatively nice person who works near me in a busy financial office. They are talented and smart, but they have an annoying habit of interjecting a constant stream of unsolicited advice and warnings about health into every single conversation.

They will warn me of the plastic in teabags as they watch me make a cup of tea, or the danger of using medical-grade masks to avoid viruses. They blurt out, “Milk -- instant inflammation!” as I put cream in my coffee.

They issue warnings of the dangers of tap water while I pour myself a glass, warnings about over-the-counter painkillers while I take one for a headache, and warnings about vaccines when I mention getting a COVID booster (gee, ever heard of tetanus or polio?). After a dental appointment, I got to hear about the hazardous chemicals used in modern dentistry. I have been told about the nanoparticles in every item ever manufactured, and the risks of every medication ever made.

The advice is not without merit, but it is constant, interruptive, unsolicited and negative. It’s also become really annoying, and I’m contemplating avoiding this person.

They have made an educational journey to become a healer after retirement, and I can see how they might have some success because of their desire to help people. But not in the office, thank you. I wish they would save the warnings for their future paying clients.

What can I say in a short, humorous or simple way to stop this stream of warnings about every single move I make?

GENTLE READER: All right, here is your acting assignment:

At each warning, throw your arms up in an "I surrender" position, widen your eyes and say “UH-OH!” After you hold the pose for a minute, you can break into a smile.

Three such performances should do it. If your colleague is nice -- even “relatively nice” -- Miss Manners predicts that you will get a return smile and fewer warnings.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was seated in front of two men at a hockey game, and every other word they said was the F-word. I wanted to say something, but wondered what would be the best way to address them.

I thought about saying something like, “Hey, you look like smart guys, but your vocabulary makes you sound less than intelligent.”

Do you have a suggestion, or was ignoring them the route to take? That is what I did.

GENTLE READER: Thereby avoiding the likely response, which would be to F-off.

As offensive as that would be, Miss Manners cannot help seeing that it would come from a legitimate objection. First, that they were having a private conversation, even if you couldn’t help overhearing it. And second, that it is rude, not to mention ineffective, to go around correcting strangers.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend, who professes to love me, behaved irrationally on a two-day visit to my house. He says he is always in a lot of pain due to fibromyalgia, neuropathy and a tendon missing in his shoulder.

I have two disintegrating discs pressing on nerves in my lower back, which is very painful. During his visit, I waited on him hand and foot while he lollygagged on a sofa.

He went to take a shower in my guest bath, and apparently the shower did not work well. He screamed and yelled at the top of his lungs, slammed the bathroom door and then slammed the door to the guest bedroom. He did not come out till the next morning, when he told me the toilet in the guest bath was plugged up and ordered me to take care of it.

I was livid and told him to take care of it himself. I felt completely disrespected and felt he treated my home like a hotel.

He could have used the shower in my bathroom, but didn’t bother asking. He also complained because there were no tissues in the bath, but I have extra boxes and could have fetched one. I would be interested in your thoughts.

GENTLE READER: This is a very volatile relationship.

If it survives this visit and you are willing to try again, Miss Manners suggests you sit your friend down and explain that while you know he is in pain, his behavior at your house was unacceptable. If he wants to stay with you, you would be happy to give him a tour of where everything is and how it works, but that you will not tolerate screaming and slamming if things go awry.

Miss Manners further advises that this conversation will go better if you resist the urge to compete over your respective pain and injuries.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine has been keeping in touch with me by sending text messages that contain one sentence only: “How are you, Jen?” He never shares anything about himself, nor does he show any interest in my life beyond asking that one question.

In frustration, I texted him that I am delighted and eager to hear from him any time he has something meaningful to share, but that going forward, I will no longer respond to one-sentence text messages. He was angry at this and I have not heard from him since.

What do you think of this behavior? I am still a bit mystified by it and would like your opinion.

GENTLE READER: In a world where long, rambling text messages and lack of interest in others prevails, it seems to Miss Manners that your friend’s texts were both succinct and empathetic. Unless you are not providing her with the whole scenario.

Once you tell him how you are and ask him how he is, does he then go silent? If it really is just the one sentence and then crickets, Miss Manners will justify -- and share -- your mystification.

But it still does not warrant the tirade you unleashed upon him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The first time my friend left me waiting for her for an hour when we had plans to meet for lunch, I expressed my displeasure. She defended herself with the same excuses she used in her texts to me: She was running late; she’d run into traffic; she would be there in another 5 minutes (sometimes at 15-minute intervals).

The second time I had plans to meet my friend for lunch, I waited 15 minutes, then left the restaurant. She was furious and told me it was rude not to tell her I had a deadline. From her point of view, I had changed the rules on her.

My partner and I invited a couple to our home to watch a movie. I never heard from them, despite making the invitation by email, text and phone call, and asking them to RSVP. When we heard nothing, we changed our plans.

It was awkward when they showed up at our door. We were not expecting guests; they were intent on seeing the movie. When I told them we couldn’t possibly have them in, they said I should have told them.

Perhaps I was to include a sentence saying, “If I don’t hear from you, this invitation is rescinded”? Am I supposed to include consequences in all my communications?

GENTLE READER: No, you need only demonstrate them, as you have done.

Miss Manners would like to think that these friends will have now learned that your invitations -- and patience -- are not infinite. But sadly, you and she both know better.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I frequently entertain a small group of friends for light appetizers and dinner. One friend usually arrives with a tobacco pouch in his mouth and places it on his dinner plate while he dines.

He will insert another pouch after dinner but before dessert. When I clear the table, I find the pouches on his dinner plate as well as his dessert plate. I have even found one of these foul things on a linen cocktail napkin in my living room.

I place the pouches in the trash, where they tend to provide a foul odor to our kitchen until the can is emptied.

Is there a way to let our friend know that I’d rather he take his used tobacco pouches home with him rather than have them foul our table and trash can?

GENTLE READER: He has given you a present. Now it is your turn: Next time he is at your house, give him his very own used tobacco holder.

Mind you, Miss Manners has no idea if such a thing exists, but imagines something the size of a mint tin with a lid on it, or a snack-sized baggie. If you are crafty, you could even decorate it to make it more presentable. At least the first time.

At subsequent gatherings, or when he inevitably forgets the original, keep extras on hand that are less decorative and more readily disposable. Or tell him that your house is not only a nonsmoking area, but a tobacco-free one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)