DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend, who professes to love me, behaved irrationally on a two-day visit to my house. He says he is always in a lot of pain due to fibromyalgia, neuropathy and a tendon missing in his shoulder.

I have two disintegrating discs pressing on nerves in my lower back, which is very painful. During his visit, I waited on him hand and foot while he lollygagged on a sofa.

He went to take a shower in my guest bath, and apparently the shower did not work well. He screamed and yelled at the top of his lungs, slammed the bathroom door and then slammed the door to the guest bedroom. He did not come out till the next morning, when he told me the toilet in the guest bath was plugged up and ordered me to take care of it.

I was livid and told him to take care of it himself. I felt completely disrespected and felt he treated my home like a hotel.

He could have used the shower in my bathroom, but didn’t bother asking. He also complained because there were no tissues in the bath, but I have extra boxes and could have fetched one. I would be interested in your thoughts.

GENTLE READER: This is a very volatile relationship.

If it survives this visit and you are willing to try again, Miss Manners suggests you sit your friend down and explain that while you know he is in pain, his behavior at your house was unacceptable. If he wants to stay with you, you would be happy to give him a tour of where everything is and how it works, but that you will not tolerate screaming and slamming if things go awry.

Miss Manners further advises that this conversation will go better if you resist the urge to compete over your respective pain and injuries.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine has been keeping in touch with me by sending text messages that contain one sentence only: “How are you, Jen?” He never shares anything about himself, nor does he show any interest in my life beyond asking that one question.

In frustration, I texted him that I am delighted and eager to hear from him any time he has something meaningful to share, but that going forward, I will no longer respond to one-sentence text messages. He was angry at this and I have not heard from him since.

What do you think of this behavior? I am still a bit mystified by it and would like your opinion.

GENTLE READER: In a world where long, rambling text messages and lack of interest in others prevails, it seems to Miss Manners that your friend’s texts were both succinct and empathetic. Unless you are not providing her with the whole scenario.

Once you tell him how you are and ask him how he is, does he then go silent? If it really is just the one sentence and then crickets, Miss Manners will justify -- and share -- your mystification.

But it still does not warrant the tirade you unleashed upon him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The first time my friend left me waiting for her for an hour when we had plans to meet for lunch, I expressed my displeasure. She defended herself with the same excuses she used in her texts to me: She was running late; she’d run into traffic; she would be there in another 5 minutes (sometimes at 15-minute intervals).

The second time I had plans to meet my friend for lunch, I waited 15 minutes, then left the restaurant. She was furious and told me it was rude not to tell her I had a deadline. From her point of view, I had changed the rules on her.

My partner and I invited a couple to our home to watch a movie. I never heard from them, despite making the invitation by email, text and phone call, and asking them to RSVP. When we heard nothing, we changed our plans.

It was awkward when they showed up at our door. We were not expecting guests; they were intent on seeing the movie. When I told them we couldn’t possibly have them in, they said I should have told them.

Perhaps I was to include a sentence saying, “If I don’t hear from you, this invitation is rescinded”? Am I supposed to include consequences in all my communications?

GENTLE READER: No, you need only demonstrate them, as you have done.

Miss Manners would like to think that these friends will have now learned that your invitations -- and patience -- are not infinite. But sadly, you and she both know better.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I frequently entertain a small group of friends for light appetizers and dinner. One friend usually arrives with a tobacco pouch in his mouth and places it on his dinner plate while he dines.

He will insert another pouch after dinner but before dessert. When I clear the table, I find the pouches on his dinner plate as well as his dessert plate. I have even found one of these foul things on a linen cocktail napkin in my living room.

I place the pouches in the trash, where they tend to provide a foul odor to our kitchen until the can is emptied.

Is there a way to let our friend know that I’d rather he take his used tobacco pouches home with him rather than have them foul our table and trash can?

GENTLE READER: He has given you a present. Now it is your turn: Next time he is at your house, give him his very own used tobacco holder.

Mind you, Miss Manners has no idea if such a thing exists, but imagines something the size of a mint tin with a lid on it, or a snack-sized baggie. If you are crafty, you could even decorate it to make it more presentable. At least the first time.

At subsequent gatherings, or when he inevitably forgets the original, keep extras on hand that are less decorative and more readily disposable. Or tell him that your house is not only a nonsmoking area, but a tobacco-free one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am employed at a local department store where my primary position is in the dressing room. I check the number of items taken into each room, then I button, zip and hang up items to be placed back on the floor racks.

Our store's dressing room has a limit of 10 items per customer at a time. Most of the time, the customer will bring in the full 10 items, keep two or three things and hand the rest to me when they are done. Often they will bring shopping carts loaded with more than 10 things, try on a few, then bring those back to their cart to swap for additional items. They will still leave with just a couple of items, or none at all!

There aren’t nearly enough racks in the dressing room to rehang all the items that are deposited with me. We are a busy store and it’s impossible to keep up with this frenzy.

I wish I could get the store managers to reduce the limit of items allowed in the dressing room, but that’s not going to happen, so I’m appealing to you women here: Rein in the free-for-all try-ons. You aren’t creating jobs, just making the work harder to keep up with -- and making few purchases to show for it. Most of us only make minimum wage as it is.

GENTLE READER: Carrying out a policy that makes your workday harder is one of the joys of working for others -- particularly when the policy is either so poorly thought out or so poorly implemented that it cannot achieve its objectives.

But unilaterally implementing one’s own policy will result in looking for a new job. And so the options are: carrying out the objectionable policy, convincing the boss to see the error of their ways, or finding a way to implement the boss’s policy that does work.

The latter may be the most challenging, but will open up possibilities for an even better fourth option: finding a more agreeable job, either by expanding your experience or by proving your worth in your current position.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know several people who use walkers, and I see some of the devices' limitations. It can be hard navigating tall curbs, walking over rocky ground, maneuvering through tight spaces, walking downhill, traveling for long distances, standing in line for too long, and folding it up to put in a car.

Every so often, I see someone using a walker that seems really well designed for various terrains or different uses. I sometimes stop and ask them about it -- where they got it, if it works well, what they think of it, etc.

Everyone I have talked to has been receptive and informative. But now I wonder if they were just being polite and I was being a pest. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: Asking people about their medical devices is technically not, Miss Manners admits, inquiring into someone’s medical condition -- which would be a no-no -- but it is too nearly that to receive her blessing. She would be slightly more receptive if you were using a similar device yourself, or if you were the person’s doctor. Or lying prone and in need of assistance.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)