DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law and sister-in-law wore white gowns to my wedding. Their actions were so obvious that guests commented on it, and the DJ asked for “the real bride to please stand up.”

Why would they do this on my wedding day?

GENTLE READER: A mean-spirited prank gone wrong? Regardless, it does not bode well for your future relationship with them. Or for a shared sense of humor.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I give someone a ride to a shared destination, I expect them to drive to my house, and then I’ll take them. One friend refuses, as it’s in the opposite direction of our destination.

I think this is weird! Why do I have to drive to her house to pick her up? Not a deal-breaker by any means, but it seems quite strange to me. What difference does it make which direction you are traveling in to get a ride?

GENTLE READER: It is indeed strange, but not for the reasons you cite.

Miss Manners thought the point of offering a ride was so that the other person would not have to drive. If it is necessary to drive to your house anyway -- and in the opposite direction of the destination -- how is this practical, much less a favor?

Fortunately for the friendship, you have declared it not to be a deal-breaker. One hopes that you two will figure it out and reconcile -- in time to get to your next destination.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been dating a woman for just over three months. Several weeks ago, I asked if she and her daughter would like to take a road trip with me to a desert town that is very dear to me.

I’ve been visiting the place annually for over 20 years and own some land there. I’ve been taking my small, elderly dog with me on these trips.

Anyway, my girlfriend unexpectedly announced that she intended to bring her two young, energetic dogs on the trip. I should have immediately tried to nip it in the bud, but I didn’t want to seem like a jerk.

The idea of the three of us, my elderly dog and her two dogs making the trip really stressed me out. When I asked her not to bring her dogs and offered not to bring mine, she threw a fit. I asked her again and told her why, but the trip date is approaching and she hasn’t really tried to find a place for the dogs to stay.

Am I right that inviting dogs on a trip is presumptuous, or am I an uptight jerk?

GENTLE READER: Wellllllll ... Miss Manners would not outright call you the latter. But it is not an unreasonable presumption that since you were bringing your dog, your girlfriend thought dogs were welcome.

That you would junk the idea all together rather than endure hers is not the conciliatory move you thought it was. And Miss Manners is not confident that your subsequent explanation did not make it worse.

Pet owners, like parents, do not take kindly to being told that their dependents are undesirable, even if there is evidence. If you want to get more serious with her, you and your dog will have to learn to tolerate hers. Why not practice on relatively neutral territory first?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We visited a friend and her new partner for a weekend visit. Her partner drove us to an outing about 20 miles away and went 95 mph on the highway.

Despite fearing for our lives, we said nothing. On the way back, however, I politely asked the partner if he could please keep his speed under 80 mph.

He immediately turned indignant, got out of the car and told me I should drive and that he would sit in the back with my wife. I told him I would not drive and to just please obey the speed limits.

After a heated exchange, he coldly got back in the car, drove more slowly, and never said another word for the rest of the trip. It was very uncomfortable. Was I right to speak up?

GENTLE READER: If a reasonable person would feel that the alternative to speaking up would have been to be found dead by the side of the road when the local constabulary made their rounds Monday morning, then this is not an etiquette question.

The etiquette question is: What to do after everyone got back in the car?

Miss Manners’ answer is: Play dumb. After enough time has passed to allow everyone to recover their bearings, resume as normal an interaction with your friend as you can muster -- speaking about other things for the rest of the weekend.

It won’t fool anyone, but you have to pass the time some way, you are not likely to accept a second invitation, and it is better than playing dead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve received several invitations to large, planned events via group text. Whether for a retirement party, bridal shower or anniversary celebration, each message included the image of an invitation, with the standard design and presentation. This indicated a certain amount of pomp and circumstance and prompted a response.

I actually appreciate this new norm, as I find that I’m more likely to immediately consult my calendar and issue a timely response than I do with mailed invitations. I also like that I get to see the rest of the guest list.

However, without an envelope or other specification of addressees, it’s usually unclear which members of my household are included in the invitation. I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to invite my children to an event that is not intended for them, but having to arrange childcare is often a determining factor for whether we attend.

Is there a polite way to ask for clarification on this point?

GENTLE READER: Send a separate text to the host asking if children are included in the invitation. Note the phrasing: You are not asking for an exception for your children, but rather if the event includes children generally.

Once you have gotten a response, thank the host for the invitation and say you will check calendars and respond quickly. Miss Manners knows that your response to the event depends on whether the children were invited, but there is no reason to let the host know that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I worked with someone who was uber passive-aggressive and made my life at work difficult. Fortunately, she retired at the end of the semester.

There was a retirement gathering for her with cake and coffee, given by her colleagues. I vowed long ago as division chair to never attend a gathering for this individual, so I skipped it.

I was confronted and scolded regarding my absence. I didn’t want to lie, so I said there were personal issues that precluded me from attending.

Should I have just gone and been the better person? Should I have lied that I had an appointment?

GENTLE READER: "Passive-aggressive" is one of those terms that Miss Manners has never entirely understood.

Would an example be putting up with bad behavior from a colleague for years without resolving it, and then venting the accumulated frustration by shirking one’s duty as division chair to attend a ceremonial gathering honoring that person’s retirement?

She is equally unclear on the moral distinction between being truthful about your absence (when there are no consequences) compared to having presumably been civil and professional every prior day (when there were).

What would have been the harm in showing up for a colleague you did not care for -- but will not have to see again afterwards? Instead of being the better person, we can call it being the bigger person. Or doing your job. Or showing that there are more important things in your life than her bad behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I issue online invitations to multiple guests at once, I generally use the option to hide the guest list from invitees. I’m not sure why I do this, except that back when I sent invitations through the mail, nobody got (or expected) a list of the other invitees.

However, some of our friends, before they tell us whether they plan to attend or not, immediately ask who else is invited or who else is coming. It makes me wonder if they only plan to attend if the list includes the Cool Kids.

GENTLE READER: Wonder no more.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A family member called to confirm birth dates and anniversary dates for my adult children and their spouses. When I reminded her that both my daughter and my daughter-in-law had opted to keep their maiden names when they married their husbands, she replied that she knew, but that she would continue to address their anniversary cards as “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.”

I politely but firmly disagreed, to which she replied that she did not care -- not once, but twice. I am wondering what you think of this attitude. I find it disrespectful, not only of my daughter and daughter-in-law, but of me.

GENTLE READER: Knowingly addressing the cards incorrectly is disrespectful towards the recipients. Telling you of her plan to do so is impertinent and picking a fight. Telling you she does not care about your opinion, twice, is redundant and also tiresome.

And Miss Manners notes that this is being done as a prelude to wishing relatives well on their birthdays and anniversaries.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)