DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends with someone for 12 years. We used to do everything together, and were even roommates for a while.

Then she met a wealthy guy at the coast. I have met him a handful of times, and he always seems nice. They are now married and live on a yacht.

My husband and I spend most of our summer vacations at the same coastal town where they live. They have invited many people to come and spend weekends with them on the boat; however, we have never been invited. Not even when we are in town for a week. Not for so much as a glass of wine.

It’s not about the boat, it’s just that I feel that something is off. Maybe her husband doesn’t like us, but she would never tell me that.

They invite us to their children’s weddings (and there have been many), and we always show up with a gift in hand. They only invite us to events where we feel obligated to bring gifts; my friend never wants to get together and just catch up with each other.

Is it time to give up and accept that we are no longer friends?

GENTLE READER: But you are still friends, or you would not be invited to family occasions. Please save that common accusation about gift-grabbing for invitations from people you hardly know.

The fact is that many friendships do change in intensity over the years. It could be that the husband feels less compatible with you and your husband. It could be that instead of his making an effort to know you, they have just not thought of adding you to their joint circle. It could be that as you are already staying in their town, they don’t think of having you as houseguests on the yacht. And it could be any number of other reasons.

Miss Manners suspects that you think it has to do with their money. Why? And in that case, why would you think them eager to squeeze a wedding present out of you?

It is not time to give up; it is time to realize that you are not as close as you once were -- and could be again, someday.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would love your thoughts on how to respond firmly to these statements.

1. I have three well-behaved children, but when we go anywhere, people remark, “You have your hands full.” It’s said with a negative tone. I love my kids and don’t want them to hear unwelcome remarks.

2. My husband is a larger person, and oftentimes, random strangers will call him “big guy” or “boss.” I think it's rude to draw attention to his size.

GENTLE READER: In both cases: “Oh, thank you.”

Miss Manners promises that no one will dare explain that their comment was not intended as a compliment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I occasionally email businesses for matters such as product information. What is the correct salutation to use when the recipient, and their gender, is unknown? “To whom it may concern” seems cold.

GENTLE READER: Just how warm are your feelings for these businesses and their unknown representatives? Miss Manners promises you that no one will feel lovelorn if you use that business salutation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Between my husband and me, who have each been married previously to other people, we have four children, 11 grandchildren and five great-grandchildren. We have been married to each other for almost 25 years. Six of the grandchildren and all of the great-grandchildren have been born during our marriage.

I am especially close to some of the grandchildren from his side of the family. But when I am with a group of friends and mention something about the kids, I am often asked which of them are my “real” grandchildren. I find that question to be extremely rude, and I reply that we do not divide up grandchildren.

Is there a better way to answer this question? I have thought about asking why the person wants to know, or why it is important.

GENTLE READER: "They’re all very real, last I checked."

What you need is an answer that shuts down that line of inquiry, and “Why do you want to know?” is not it. You will only get a response of “I was just curious,” which still leaves you in need of a presentable form of “Well, it’s none of your business.”

A quick-witted person might even come up with a different reason for their question -- say, being intrigued by family resemblances -- which would prolong the inquiry. If it were Miss Manners, she would prolong it in a different way:

“Let me think,” she would say. “Well, Lily is certainly real. She is finishing college and going on to take a master’s. Kyle is taking a gap year, traveling in Asia, and he is real. Lauren is sort of doing that, too -- taking a leave from her law firm while the triplets are babies, all very real. Jessica's husband can work from home, so she went right back to work after each baby, and she’s realistic enough to make it work. Garvin is going into business for himself, which is scary but thrilling, and nothing if not real. Jordan is teaching high school; you can’t get more real than that. Andre even works for a reality show. Annabel works on AI in ways I don’t understand, but she tells me it’s the coming reality. Madison had a rough time for a while, but she plunged back into reality and is a wonderful mother and community activist.” And so on.

“But that’s the grandchildren. The children are retired or reaching retirement, and talking about what they really want to do now. And you’re probably wondering about the great-grandchildren! Let’s see: Olga, Oliver and Tommy -- he’s named for my Tom -- plus Zelda and Sam. Tom and I like to babysit, so we know they’re real, all right. Would you like to see them? I have some videos on my phone ...”

And so on, for as long as possible. Miss Manners can promise you that there will not be a shred of curiosity left in those formerly nosy questioners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning my 70th birthday celebration. I’d prefer cash or gift cards to other gifts. Is it OK to ask my invitees for money, since I don’t need anything else?

GENTLE READER: And they probably have money they don’t need, so they might as well give it to you?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a breast augmentation surgery 20 years ago, for reasons that I still think were good ones. I am not interested in having to justify my choice to anyone, and in any case, it’s not something I could undo even if I wanted to.

I’m now single and dating. It has happened more than once that a man sees me undressed for the first time, detects that I have breast implants, then stops everything to stare at my chest and ask, “Why did you have that done?” It implies that he disapproves of my choice.

I consider this rude, judgmental and insensitive. I never comment on other people’s bodies or their choices of what to do with them. I certainly would never feel entitled to ask someone about something like that, unless I was explicitly invited to do so.

What is a good way to respond when asked this intrusive and judgmental question, especially in the context of sexual intimacy? The times this has happened, I was so taken aback and dismayed that I couldn’t think of what to say in the moment.

I have ended up saying something like, “It’s a long story and I don’t really want to talk about it right now” -- but I would like to also convey that I find the question offensive, body-shaming and hurtful.

GENTLE READER: Those are surely all qualities that you do not want in a potential suitor, much less an imminent lover.

Miss Manners thinks you would well be rid of someone so quick to criticize you and question your choices -- irreversible or otherwise. And making negative comments in the throes of passion is not the way to sustain the situation -- which also makes it not particularly bright.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are older adults who go to bed earlier than many people, and often leave parties without saying goodbye.

We do it because, often, when one guests leaves, others take it as a sign that they should leave as well! We don’t want to be the ones causing an early exodus from a good party, which is often in full swing.

The next morning, we reach out to the hosts to thank them and apologize for slipping out. Are we rude?

GENTLE READER: While your intentions are kind, the result is less so, which you are no doubt aware of, since you always seem to find yourself apologizing the next day.

Miss Manners will further remind you that there is still at least a 12-hour gap where your hosts are wondering, “What happened to the McCutcheons? I hope they are all right.” Or worse, “Did we offend them somehow?”

Miss Manners suggests a compromise. At the beginning of the party, tell your hosts that you hope they will forgive you in advance, but you will need to slip out early. That way, there can be no doubt that you have not suddenly taken ill -- or that one of their other guests insulted you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)