DEAR NATALIE: I’m struggling with a painful situation involving my sister and I need advice. Last month, my sister got very upset that I didn’t reach out again to my nephew when he graduated high school. I had already congratulated him a week earlier, but she expected more from me on his graduation day. When I explained my traumatic brain injury makes it hard to remember exact dates without reminders, she accused me of not caring. This hurt because I thought my bond with my nephew was loving. Meanwhile, she’s never reached out to my own son. Even before my TBI, she has always found ways to be displeased with me or accuse me of things that have never happened. Her reactions are unpredictable, and I’m starting to think this relationship isn’t healthy for me. I’m afraid that stepping back from my sister means losing contact with my niece and nephew. My sister has already cut out the rest of the family from contacting her and her children (making me the only contact). She can be kind when she’s in the right mood, but cruel when she is in a bad mood. How do I know if it’s time (or if I should) step away? Thank you for reading. – CONFLICTED 

DEAR CONFLICTED: I’m so sorry that your sister can’t give you some grace in this situation. It sounds as though she has her own issues to deal with and is letting them spill over into her relationships with you and your siblings. It isn’t right for her to treat you this way but it also isn’t uncommon. Now that your nephew is out of high school, there is no reason you can’t text him and make your own plans independent of your sister. You are allowed to build relationships with your niece and nephew on your own, regardless of what “mood” she is in. Take a step back from her. You don’t have to slam the door completely. You can shut a screen door, instead, and allow what you want to filter through. This way, you can still maintain some kind of connection, but on your terms – not hers. 

DEAR NATALIE: I’ve been married for almost a decade and would consider our relationship “solid.” We have our ups and downs like any marriage, but overall it’s been good. My husband’s been distant lately, however, and I have been worried that he’s seeing someone. We had a big argument a few weeks ago and he didn’t come home that night and he’s been acting strange ever since. I’m afraid to confront him because if he is having an affair…what do I do? And if he isn’t having an affair…what is going on? I have too many questions and I’m worried about the answers. Any thoughts on how to handle this or should I just ignore it?

– SWEEP IT AWAY

DEAR SWEEP IT AWAY: I have always found the monster in the light is less scary than the one in the dark. You can’t work on something until you know what it is you are dealing with. The longer you let this fester, the worse your anxiety is going to be. If he is having an affair (or even if it was a one-night stand) that would explain his strange behavior towards you. Maybe he also feels guilty or ashamed and wants to sweep it away. But the longer he tries to ignore it, the worse it will be. Confront whatever it is so that you can deal with it and decide how to move forward. If he isn’t having an affair – and I hope that he isn’t – then you still need to understand why he hasn’t been himself. Maybe the fight a few weeks ago rattled him and he doesn’t know how to share his feelings with you. Talk it out. Take the “what ifs” out of the picture and bring your marriage back into focus. If you believe it is as solid as you say, then you will be able to deal with whatever it is you need to in order to come out on the other side stronger than ever. Good luck to you.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My husband’s sister is disabled and has been having a hard time making ends meet. My husband wants her to move in with us for an “open ended” amount of time. I love my sister-in-law but she has a lot of health issues that need daily nursing support. That means we will be having a nursing staff coming in and out, adding to the chaos I already feel in my house. We already have two dogs, a toddler and a baby on the way. I feel as though we are bursting at the seams. I want to support my husband and be there for his sister, but I don't think it is fair to upend our lives in order to accommodate her. I am overwhelmed as it is. Any advice on how to get out of this? – I’M SPIRALING

DEAR I’M SPIRALING: Is your sister-in-law having a hard time paying her rent? Would that be something you could help with in place of her moving in? Does she need paying for groceries? Would that be something you could offer, instead? I feel for you sister-in-law and can understand the anxiety and pressure everyone is feeling in this situation. I am just wondering if there is a middle ground here so that you can keep your personal spaces separate – which may be easier on everyone. Does she have contacts through her nursing care that you could connect with to see if she qualifies for any sort of further assistance? I know it seems that more and more social programs are being cut every day, but perhaps there is something her team could help you with. I applaud you and your husband for wanting to help her – and I have no doubt you will figure this out – but perhaps have her move in as a truly last resort and see what else is out there first. 

DEAR NATALIE: My sister is a lot of fun and everyone loves being with her. Sometimes she is too much fun, though. Recently, she took my 17-year-old daughter out and they got matching tattoos. I don’t even know where they went or how they were able to do that with her being underage. Granted, it’s a small little heart on her wrist, but it is the principle of it that she didn’t ask me or my husband for our consent. My daughter thinks her aunt walks on water and was upset when I called my sister to chew her out because of this. She should not be getting tattoos when she hasn’t even graduated high school. My sister flipped out and told me I was “too controlling” and now we aren’t speaking. Help me here because how did I end up the bad guy? – FLIPPED THE SCRIPT

DEAR FLIPPED THE SCRIPT: I would be angry with her, too. It is not appropriate at all for her to take a minor to get permanent ink tattooed onto their body – especially behind her parents’ backs. But since you and your sister are angry with each other, let things cool down before you revisit this topic. Invite her over in a week or two to discuss this and how you expect her to be around your daughter moving forward. There’s this thing called boundaries. I suggest you introduce her to that concept.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

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DEAR NATALIE: My husband had a short affair about two years ago with someone he met through social media. (Not a dating app). While he and I have worked through our issues and have moved forward together, my friends cannot get beyond it. They think I am “crazy” for staying with him and think he’s “probably still cheating on me because he knows he can get away with it.” It is starting to become a problem within my friend group. There are so many side comments and if I talk with them about any issue we are having, they immediately tell me to leave him. I am not going to do that. I love him. I forgave him. I think he really is remorseful and our relationship has gotten stronger over time and with therapy. How do I get my friends to back off about this? I’m at the point now where I don’t even want to see them. Thoughts? – I’M OVER IT AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO

DEAR I’M OVER IT AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO: Infidelity is not a dealbreaker for every relationship and you don’t owe an explanation to anyone. If you feel confident in your marriage, then that is what matters. But, of course, we want our friends’ approval. Remind yourself that they are coming from a place of love – even if they are overbearing at times. They want you to be appreciated and protected. And while it is nice that they care about you, it is not their place to continually question you and belittle your decision to stay married. If this has continued to escalate, then you need to have a conversation with them the next time you are together. Start by saying that you appreciate their concern and love them all very much, but that the constant questioning of your marriage is not helping anything. In fact, it is making things worse and more uncomfortable. They don’t have to agree with your choice to stay married, but they need to respect it if they want to have a friendship with you. Now, I don’t know the details of the affair or how much you told your friends. I don’t know how often you cried on their shoulder or how long the affair lasted or what exactly happened. But, at a certain point, everyone here needs to take a step back, establish some healthy boundaries and then move forward with respect and understanding of one another. 

DEAR NATALIE: I’m a married woman in my early 30s with an incredible husband. We have two kids and a solid friend group. One of the couples who also have two kids includes a husband who is extremely flirtatious with me. Examples include extra long hugs, extra thoughtfulness around my likes and dislikes, verbal compliments about my appearance, etc. We sometimes text about our shared hobbies and niche interests, which is nice. Despite him being self aware enough to have recognized his generally flirtatious nature in the past, he does not apply said flirtation to everyone. I am noticing my own husband growing increasingly uncomfortable with the vibes here, but I feel like I’m allowed to have a friend who is also a man regardless of the level of flirtation. Am I wrong to appreciate this friendship? Should I be setting boundaries? Multiple conversations with my husband lead to an answer of no, but I don’t want to contribute to the discomfort. I also don’t want his wife to get the wrong idea. What should I do?

– FLIRTY IS FUN UNTIL IT ISN’T

DEAR FLIRTY IS FUN UNTIL IT ISN’T: Time to set some boundaries because if this was starting to impact my marriage, I would have to ask myself why I’m in need of this man’s praise and validation. Is he fulfilling something for you that you aren’t getting in your own marriage? You are absolutely allowed to have a friend who is a man. You are allowed to banter and flirt. But, if it is getting to the point where your husband is noticing, then I bet your friend’s wife notices, too. Once again, not your problem, but why put yourself in the mix here and potentially cause issues that will just make things more difficult for you? Cool it on the texts if the texts are just between the two of you and not in a group chat with your partners. It’s fine to engage with him and share interests, but if he keeps coming in for those extra-long hugs, there’s nothing wrong with you pulling back. When he compliments you, just say thanks and keep it moving. Make it clear that the flirtation is happening mostly one-way so you don’t get caught in the crossfire if his wife decides to vent her frustrations.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her weekly video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear