DEAR HARRIETTE: My adult daughters absolutely refuse to call or visit their father, and it’s become a constant point of tension in our family. I’m still married to him, and while they love me, they make it clear they want nothing to do with him. They grew up watching me handle almost everything in the household all while working full time. Meanwhile, their dad was emotionally distant and rarely helpful, and he often acted like any family responsibility was an inconvenience. Now that they’re older, they tell me that he’s selfish and that I deserve better. They insist I should divorce him and “start fresh,” but they don’t understand how complicated that feels at my age. I’ve spent decades with this man. I don’t want to be lonely, and I don’t want to divide the family even further, but the idea of starting over is overwhelming. At the same time, I’m tired of being stuck in the middle. My daughters think I’m making excuses for him, and my husband gets defensive whenever I bring up their feelings.

I feel like I’m being pulled in two different directions: loyalty to the man I built a life with and loyalty to my daughters who only want what they think is best for me. How do I navigate this without alienating either side? How do I make peace with the fear of being alone if I’m starting to wonder whether my daughters might actually be right? -- In the Middle

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Your adult daughters can make their own choices about how they interact with their father as long as they are respectful. They cannot force you to do anything. You should assess your life carefully and decide what you want for your later years. It may be scary to leave, but would that be best? If so, plot it out. If not, make peace with what you have. Thank your daughters for their concern, but let them know you have to live your own life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It’s been about two years since my mom passed away. The “big C” had its way with her. Before she died, she gave my siblings and me everything she had, everything she could think of. She purchased a large home for us and left everything else in a trust for the four of us to share. Most of us were already settled, so only my youngest sister inhabited the new home our mom gave to us. The home was paid in full, so she’s responsible for paying the taxes only. We found out that for the past year, our youngest sister has defaulted on paying the taxes. The rest of us want to repay her debt and sell the home, but she refuses. The home is in all our names, so we can’t move forward without her cooperation. How do you reason with someone who simply doesn’t care? -- Wake Up

DEAR WAKE UP: This may be the time when you get a lawyer to intervene. Find out what the debt implications are. What happens if the bills aren’t paid? Let her know this -- or have an attorney explain it to her. You may need to sue her to gain control over the property. While this will likely cause dissension in the family, it may be necessary. Otherwise, you may all lose the treasured family home.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 75-year-old woman who has lived in the same charming walk-up apartment in New York City for more than 40 years. This place has seen me through marriage, motherhood, widowhood and every season of my life. Recently, the three flights of stairs have become almost impossible for me to manage. My knees ache, I get winded easily and I find myself dreading leaving the apartment because I know I’ll have to climb back up. My doctor has recommended I look for housing with an elevator or move closer to family, but the thought of leaving my neighborhood, my friends, my routines, my sense of independence -- well, it breaks my heart. I can’t imagine myself anywhere else. At the same time, I know staying here isn’t sustainable or safe. I’ve even tripped once or twice on the stairs, which scared me more than I’d like to admit.

I feel stuck between practicality and the emotional attachment I have to the place I’ve called home for nearly half my life. I don’t want to lose my independence, but I also don’t want a fall or to have health issue force a decision I didn’t make intentionally. How do I make peace with the idea of leaving the home I love, and how do I know when it’s truly time to go? -- What Is Home?

DEAR WHAT IS HOME?: When my mother was about to move out of our family home where she had lived for more than 30 years, she told us that wherever she went was where home was. I’ve never forgotten that concept. As hard as it may be to leave the familiar, trust that you can bring home with you -- your spirit, your thoughtfulness, yourself. It may be bumpy at first, but I would highly recommend you find a safer place to live as soon as possible and build community there. You can do it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are divorced, and my sibling and I go back and forth to each of their homes. We recently went on vacation with my dad and learned from him that one of his pieces of luggage had inadvertently been left at my mom’s house. I guess one of us grabbed it and took it with us. He wants it back, but I don’t have a way to get it to him, and my parents don’t speak. In a way, it’s not a big deal -- we always shared luggage when we lived together as a family, and a piece that matches our family set just ended up in the wrong place -- but it’s weird that he feels he can’t come over and just get it. Divorce is so awkward. Do I need to tell my mother to give him back his bag? -- Managing Divorce

DEAR MANAGING DIVORCE: If the luggage belongs to your dad, just have it with you the next time you see each other. If he needs it sooner, he can fetch it himself. Don’t make it a big deal, because it isn’t. Navigating the ins and outs of divorce is difficult for everyone involved, but you can do it. Let this be a simple one.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend really upset me recently. We made plans to go out to a restaurant that I’ve been looking forward to for weeks; it was special to me, and he knew how excited I was. The day before our reservation, he canceled because he “forgot” he had plans with a friend to go to some EDM event. Not only did he cancel at the last minute, but he didn’t make any effort to reschedule or acknowledge how disappointing that was. Now it’s been four days with no communication at all, and I’m sitting here feeling like an afterthought.

I’m a woman in my 30s, and I’m too old to date a man who acts like he barely likes me or can’t prioritize our relationship. I don’t want to waste my time on someone who doesn’t show up emotionally or follow through. If he does reach out, I’m torn. Should I ghost him and protect my peace? Should I have a real conversation about how his behavior made me feel and see if there’s any hope in fixing things? Or should I be clear that I’m no longer interested and walk away for good? I’m struggling to figure out what the healthiest option is for me. -- Is He Worth It?

DEAR IS HE WORTH IT?: Be the adult here and make the effort to nip it in the bud. Reach out and tell him you need to talk. When you speak -- preferably in person -- tell him how disappointed you are in how he treated you. Go for the big picture. Ask him what he wants from your relationship. Tell him what you want. If he is unwilling or unable to step up, that’s your cue to walk.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I tend to speak my mind -- I blurt out whatever I’m thinking. It gets worse when I am tired. The other day, I hung out late with friends and had to work the next day. A co-worker did something stupid, and I snapped at her. I had no patience for her, though often I do. I think I hurt her feelings even though what she did was ignorant. Should I apologize to her? What can I do to keep things to myself more? -- Bite My Tongue

DEAR BITE MY TONGUE: You should pull your co-worker aside and apologize for being harsh. Explain that you were on a short fuse that day and didn’t mean to snap at her. It doesn’t matter whether she was wrong -- it will be kind for you to acknowledge your short temper.

In general, you already know that you need to get ample rest. Some people function well for a while even when they are tired. You are not one of those people. Take care of yourself to ensure that you do not cause backlash because of your lack of control. Other things you can do in the moment include taking a deep breath before you speak and considering if this is the best thing for you to say right now.

I learned something from the poet Rumi called “The Four Gateways of Speech” that might help you. Before speaking, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it timely? Is it kind? Don’t speak until the answer to each of those questions is yes.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)