DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend really upset me recently. We made plans to go out to a restaurant that I’ve been looking forward to for weeks; it was special to me, and he knew how excited I was. The day before our reservation, he canceled because he “forgot” he had plans with a friend to go to some EDM event. Not only did he cancel at the last minute, but he didn’t make any effort to reschedule or acknowledge how disappointing that was. Now it’s been four days with no communication at all, and I’m sitting here feeling like an afterthought.

I’m a woman in my 30s, and I’m too old to date a man who acts like he barely likes me or can’t prioritize our relationship. I don’t want to waste my time on someone who doesn’t show up emotionally or follow through. If he does reach out, I’m torn. Should I ghost him and protect my peace? Should I have a real conversation about how his behavior made me feel and see if there’s any hope in fixing things? Or should I be clear that I’m no longer interested and walk away for good? I’m struggling to figure out what the healthiest option is for me. -- Is He Worth It?

DEAR IS HE WORTH IT?: Be the adult here and make the effort to nip it in the bud. Reach out and tell him you need to talk. When you speak -- preferably in person -- tell him how disappointed you are in how he treated you. Go for the big picture. Ask him what he wants from your relationship. Tell him what you want. If he is unwilling or unable to step up, that’s your cue to walk.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I tend to speak my mind -- I blurt out whatever I’m thinking. It gets worse when I am tired. The other day, I hung out late with friends and had to work the next day. A co-worker did something stupid, and I snapped at her. I had no patience for her, though often I do. I think I hurt her feelings even though what she did was ignorant. Should I apologize to her? What can I do to keep things to myself more? -- Bite My Tongue

DEAR BITE MY TONGUE: You should pull your co-worker aside and apologize for being harsh. Explain that you were on a short fuse that day and didn’t mean to snap at her. It doesn’t matter whether she was wrong -- it will be kind for you to acknowledge your short temper.

In general, you already know that you need to get ample rest. Some people function well for a while even when they are tired. You are not one of those people. Take care of yourself to ensure that you do not cause backlash because of your lack of control. Other things you can do in the moment include taking a deep breath before you speak and considering if this is the best thing for you to say right now.

I learned something from the poet Rumi called “The Four Gateways of Speech” that might help you. Before speaking, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it timely? Is it kind? Don’t speak until the answer to each of those questions is yes.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My colleague has a tendency to be unapologetically late, and I can’t stand it! We’ve traveled together in the past for work, and I have seen firsthand how careless he can be with his time -- even for work functions.

We are more friends than colleagues now, so as I began planning a birthday trip for myself, I had to decide if I wanted him there. Despite my reservations, I invited him to celebrate with me. During the trip, he held up the group on two specific occasions. One time he even caused us to miss a reservation completely. I still enjoyed the trip overall, but he never even had the decency to apologize to my other friends. How can I address this issue with him? I love him, but I shouldn’t have to put up with this going forward. -- Poor Tendencies

DEAR POOR TENDENCIES: I’m sorry, but you can’t blame your friend for being himself. If you have fretted over his lateness to yourself (or others) but have not talked to him about it, you can’t expect him to even know that you are upset about it. He is late. What consequences has he had to endure because of it?

You invited him to come to your birthday knowing that he would probably be late but without talking to him about it. This is on you. Yes, you can talk to him, but be mindful not to blow up and tell him about all of the years of being late that have impacted you. You might even apologize for not addressing this in the past. Then tell him that his lateness is a problem for you and it negatively impacted your trip. Ask him to try to do better.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two of my children are not speaking to each other. As far as they’ve told me, they’re in a spat over money, and I’m worried. My older daughter got into a car accident while driving my younger daughter’s car. The damage amounted to a few thousand dollars, and my older daughter did not want to pay for it. I offered to cover the expenses in hopes that it would settle the dust between them, but it didn’t. My youngest feels that her sister should’ve at least offered to help cover the costs and accuses her sister of always being careless. She told me that she’s tired of “always having to clean up her messes.” I’ve reminded her that a car accident could have happened to anyone, but she hasn’t budged. I don’t want my girls fighting or not talking to each other. Is there something else I can do to mediate more effectively? -- Middle Man

DEAR MIDDLE MAN: Why are you ready to sweep your older daughter’s irresponsibility under the rug? If she had an accident, she should pay for it. Her sister is absolutely right about this. It is time to hold your older daughter accountable. Has this type of thing happened before? Perhaps your youngest daughter is fed up with you taking care of her sister’s mistakes.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has gotten ahold of my credit card information and has been using it excessively and without my permission. He is 23 years old. He has a job and lives on his own. This feels like a violation to me, but my husband thinks I am overreacting and that my son probably thought it was OK. From what I’ve gathered, it seems like he has my information attached to his tap-to-pay because he’s used it for in-person purchases. This feels deliberate to me. He’s purchased groceries, takeout, gas, movie rentals and more. This feels grossly irresponsible for a young adult. I want to cut him off completely, but it’s not just about the money. What should I do about this level of dishonesty? I don’t want to treat my son like a criminal, but I don’t ever want him to take from anyone -- including me -- and think it’s OK. -- Teach Him a Lesson

DEAR TEACH HIM A LESSON: Don’t assume the worst. Instead, talk to him. Tell him you realize that he has been using your credit card. Note the variety of purchases that have shown up on your bill. Ask him why he is doing this. Listen to his response. Perhaps you gave him the number once and he kept it on file. Tell him that you no longer want him to use your credit card information without asking you first. Remind him that he is a young adult with a job and an independent life. If he needs your help, he must ask.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never been ghosted like this before, and I don’t know what to do. I was dating a guy for a few months. Things were nice, though he was a bit moody and would disappear for weeks sometimes. Mainly we talked a lot on the phone and saw each other a couple of times a week. We got into an argument a few weeks ago, and I was sharp with him. He got mad that I dared challenge him about his behavior. Next thing you know, he ghosted me. I’m pretty sure he blocked me on social media because I see old stuff but nothing new. He doesn’t call me at all. It’s like he is punishing me because he was rude to me and I called him on it. I know I should just let this go, but my feelings are hurt, and I can’t believe he did that. I am a nice person, and I treated him well. Why would he do that to me? -- Ghosted

DEAR GHOSTED: This type of thing has happened to a few readers who have written in recently. All I can say is that sometimes you won’t be able to figure out why people do things, especially if they choose to stop communicating with you. Rather than continuing to wonder and doubt yourself, move on. Fill your time with positive, constructive activity. Do your best not to sit around brooding. Choose to take care of yourself instead. Exercise. Eat healthy. Go out with friends. Put yourself in social settings with other people, and decide you will have fun. When you start to think about him, change the subject in your mind. You can do it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)