DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I spent a weekend with friends my husband and I met on the beach a few years ago. We all really liked each other, so it felt natural to invite them to stay with us one weekend when a lot of mutual friends were gathering since they didn’t have a beach rental this year. It was great spending time with these new friends, but the husband smoked cigars constantly. He never smoked inside, but the smoke in the backyard wafted everywhere. I have asthma, and it really got to me. I didn’t realize how much smoke there was until I started coughing uncontrollably. It was not good.

I asked my friend not to smoke on the property because I couldn’t handle it. Next thing you know, they shortened their trip and left. I haven’t spoken to them since. I’m sorry if I came off as rude, but I couldn’t breathe. Is there something I should do or say to smooth things over? -- Smoke-Free

DEAR SMOKE-FREE: Since you genuinely like this couple and recognize that it was an unfortunate situation that led to mutual discomfort, reach out to them. Tell them that you enjoyed spending time with them and that you are sorry that it ended up awkward due to the cigar smoke and your asthma. Assure them that you didn’t realize you would have had such a violent reaction to the smoke. Add that you hope to see them sometime next summer.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who makes me feel left out whenever we spend time together. She constantly talks about the things she does with her other friends, the trips they’ve taken, the inside jokes they share and all the fun outings they’ve had without me. She’ll go into detail about how great those times were, and while I try to listen politely, it makes me feel sad and excluded. It feels like she has a lot more fun with them than she ever does with me, and I start to question whether she even values our friendship. I don’t know if she’s doing this on purpose or if she’s just oblivious to how her words make me feel. Part of me wants to bring it up, but I’m worried about sounding jealous or insecure. At the same time, it’s exhausting to hang out with someone who constantly reminds me of how much closer she seems to be with other people. How do I tell her that her behavior hurts me without ruining the friendship? If she doesn’t change, do I need to rethink whether this friendship is good for me? -- Not a Friend

DEAR NOT A FRIEND: By all means, speak up and tell this woman that you have had your fill of stories about her other friends. Suggest that you two create your own memories together or, if her interests do lie squarely with those other people, she should do both of you a favor and stick with them. It may sound harsh, but she needs some cold water in the face. You should not have to endure her going down memory lane about other people every time she sees you. Stop that now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently in the middle of a career pivot. For many years, I worked in corporate offices behind the scenes in operations. I still do that now in a more creative industry. In this role, I get to show my personal interests, style and creative capabilities a lot more. As a result, a lot of people have been telling me that I should step away from being behind the scenes and start putting myself out there. I’ve always been in a supportive role, and I worry that I’m not ready to come out of my shell. In the same breath, I know I have great potential and I’m only delaying my growth by allowing fear to guide me. Do you have any advice for someone trying to step out of their comfort zone professionally or establish their voice in a creative industry? -- Comfort Zone

DEAR COMFORT ZONE: Many people take public speaking or improv courses or even sing (sober) karaoke to get them to break out of their comfort zone. You might want to enroll in Toastmasters, an organization that teaches confidence-building and articulation. The point is to engage in ways that will help you push past your insecurities.

Network with the creative people at your company. Find out what kinds of projects they might need help with, and offer your services. Go for it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: Back in February, I moved to a new neighborhood that’s far from where a lot of my friends live. It was winter, and I spent a lot of time alone making my house a home. In May, a friend from another state moved here, and she lives about 15 minutes away from me. When I heard the news, I felt such joy and relief, but since she’s been here, we haven’t hung out much -- despite my invitations. She seems busy with work and with her own personal life. I’ve seen her make time to hang with some of our mutual friends, but for some reason, she hasn’t extended an invite to me. I tried to address it, but she said she didn’t think I’d be interested. I don’t like that she made that decision for me (on more than one occasion, I might add).

I’m trying to avoid focusing on the feelings of being left out and just put my energy into finding ways to take care of myself, even if that means doing so alone. How do I combat these feelings of loneliness and turn them into self-care or me-time that I can enjoy? -- Lonely

DEAR LONELY: Research neighboring towns that may be more social than where you live. Find out what activities are going on there in the evenings and on weekends. Sign up for classes. Go to the theater. Put yourself in environments with other people so that you can meet potential new friends.

Do not dwell on your former friends and associates who are not including you in their lives. Build your own life anew. The key is putting yourself out there. It will not work if you stay at home by yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t think my sister and brother-in-law are doing a good job of raising their two daughters, who are 10 and 12. Whenever I visit, I notice the girls are often left to their own devices with little guidance or discipline. They talk back to adults, spend hours glued to their phones or tablets, and don’t seem to have boundaries around things like bedtime or chores. It worries me because they’re at such an important age, where structure and guidance really matter, and I’m afraid they’re not getting what they need.

I love my nieces dearly, and I don’t want to come across as judgmental, but it’s hard to bite my tongue when I see behaviors that seem unhealthy or concerning. At the same time, I know parenting is a sensitive subject, and I don’t want to cause a rift in my relationship with my sister by criticizing how she raises her children. Still, I worry that if no one says anything, the girls might struggle even more as they get older. How do I balance my concern for my nieces with respect for my sister’s role as their parent? Should I bring up what I see or just stay quiet and let her parent the way she chooses, even if I don’t agree with it? -- Poor Parenting

DEAR POOR PARENTING: Chances are slim that your sister will hear anything you say to her about her children. Do you spend time with them at your house? Perhaps when they are with you, you can create boundaries and guidelines that they must follow. At least that way they will be able to see what living within a structure feels like.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently joined a gym because I want to get healthier and finally commit to taking care of myself. Instead of feeling encouraged, I often feel judged and out of place around people who are clearly more experienced than me. Everyone else seems to know what they’re doing, while I’m still learning the basics and trying to build up my confidence.

One situation really stuck with me: I was on the treadmill, going at a slow jog that already felt challenging for me. A group of women nearby were running at a much faster pace, chatting and laughing effortlessly. At one point, one of them glanced over at my screen, whispered something to her friend and they both laughed. It may not have been about me, but in that moment, I felt self-conscious and embarrassed. I kept thinking they were making fun of how slow I was. Instead of finishing my workout, I got off early and went home feeling defeated. I know I shouldn’t let one interaction get in the way of my progress, but it’s hard not to feel like I don’t belong in that environment. How can I push past this insecurity and stay focused on my own goals without worrying so much about what others might be thinking? -- Beginner

DEAR BEGINNER: Consider hiring a trainer for a while, someone who can show you how to use the machines, how to create the workout that is best for your body and how to pace yourself. Ignore the other people and compete against yourself only. Be your own cheerleader, and protect yourself with professional help.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)