DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t think my sister and brother-in-law are doing a good job of raising their two daughters, who are 10 and 12. Whenever I visit, I notice the girls are often left to their own devices with little guidance or discipline. They talk back to adults, spend hours glued to their phones or tablets, and don’t seem to have boundaries around things like bedtime or chores. It worries me because they’re at such an important age, where structure and guidance really matter, and I’m afraid they’re not getting what they need.

I love my nieces dearly, and I don’t want to come across as judgmental, but it’s hard to bite my tongue when I see behaviors that seem unhealthy or concerning. At the same time, I know parenting is a sensitive subject, and I don’t want to cause a rift in my relationship with my sister by criticizing how she raises her children. Still, I worry that if no one says anything, the girls might struggle even more as they get older. How do I balance my concern for my nieces with respect for my sister’s role as their parent? Should I bring up what I see or just stay quiet and let her parent the way she chooses, even if I don’t agree with it? -- Poor Parenting

DEAR POOR PARENTING: Chances are slim that your sister will hear anything you say to her about her children. Do you spend time with them at your house? Perhaps when they are with you, you can create boundaries and guidelines that they must follow. At least that way they will be able to see what living within a structure feels like.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently joined a gym because I want to get healthier and finally commit to taking care of myself. Instead of feeling encouraged, I often feel judged and out of place around people who are clearly more experienced than me. Everyone else seems to know what they’re doing, while I’m still learning the basics and trying to build up my confidence.

One situation really stuck with me: I was on the treadmill, going at a slow jog that already felt challenging for me. A group of women nearby were running at a much faster pace, chatting and laughing effortlessly. At one point, one of them glanced over at my screen, whispered something to her friend and they both laughed. It may not have been about me, but in that moment, I felt self-conscious and embarrassed. I kept thinking they were making fun of how slow I was. Instead of finishing my workout, I got off early and went home feeling defeated. I know I shouldn’t let one interaction get in the way of my progress, but it’s hard not to feel like I don’t belong in that environment. How can I push past this insecurity and stay focused on my own goals without worrying so much about what others might be thinking? -- Beginner

DEAR BEGINNER: Consider hiring a trainer for a while, someone who can show you how to use the machines, how to create the workout that is best for your body and how to pace yourself. Ignore the other people and compete against yourself only. Be your own cheerleader, and protect yourself with professional help.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: At the end of the summer, I went back home to celebrate my mom’s birthday. Since I got married and moved, I don’t get to see my family as often, so I was looking forward to the quality time. We all got together at my parents’ house -- my siblings, their families, my wife and me -- for dinner and some fun. During the opening prayer, my mom decided to pray for God to warm my wife’s “cold heart.” Honestly, I knew there was some tension, but that was too far!

How could my mother insult my wife in a room full of people during a prayer? She turned what was supposed to be a nice reunion into an awful memory. When she said it, I immediately stood up, turned to my wife and told her we were leaving. My mom called me the next day, but she tried to justify what she said. She refused to apologize, so we haven’t spoken since that phone call. How can I rectify this? -- Cold Heart

DEAR COLD HEART: Talk to your wife to find out the source of their discord. Ask her to think hard about what may have happened to create such a negative feeling in your mother. If your wife had some role in offending or hurting your mother, suggest that she apologize directly so that the two of them can move forward. If your wife can’t see what the problem is, investigate further.

Request a conversation with your mother. Ask her to explain what her beef is with your wife. What happened that got her so upset, and what can be done about it? Suggest that no matter what it is, the three of you need to get together to discuss and heal. You must be proactive if not pushy here, because your wife and mother are essential family members. You need them to get along. Say as much to them and ask them to try.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m supposed to be headed to a wedding this weekend, but I’m in a fight with my boyfriend. He’s one of the groomsmen in the wedding, and a few weeks back, they took a bachelor’s trip to Las Vegas. When he got back from the trip, he admitted to me that he’d gotten a lap dance from a nude dancer. I thought that was a violation of our boundaries. He says he told me only because he didn’t think it was a big deal, but for me it is a big deal. I couldn’t quite articulate why, but it upset me. My boyfriend has been busy lately prepping for the wedding, but I think we should talk again before this weekend. If I express my discomfort but he’s not willing to leave those kinds of experiences behind, is it worth breaking up with him? -- Lap Dance

DEAR LAP DANCE: Talk to your boyfriend about boundaries. Tell him how his behavior made you feel, as you thank him for being honest about it. Ask him how he would feel if you did something like that. That may help him to understand your emotions better. Agree on what acceptable behavior is for each of you and what you expect of each other. Then trust that you both will live up to those values. Do your best not to try to spy on him. That will not help matters.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just started my new job, and my boss has given me little guidance. When I reach out with questions, the responses are either short, vague or delayed. I was expecting some kind of structured onboarding or training, or at least regular check-ins to help me transition smoothly, but that hasn’t happened. Most days I’m left trying to piece together things on my own, and I have no idea if I’m meeting expectations or completely missing the mark. This lack of communication is starting to take a toll on my confidence. I worked hard to get this job, and I want to prove myself, but it’s difficult when I don’t know if I’m doing things the right way. I don’t want to come across as incompetent, but at the same time, I feel like I’m failing simply because I don’t have the information or support I need.

I’ve started to dread going to work because I feel so directionless. Should I be more assertive in pushing for feedback and clarification, or do I risk annoying my boss by asking too many questions? Is this a red flag about the work culture at this company, or is it just something I need to push through as I get adjusted? -- Need Guidance

DEAR NEED GUIDANCE: Sadly, in many businesses, employees don’t get much guidance. It is wonderful when companies have onboarding programs, but yours is not one of them. Look around and notice employees who seem to have things under control and who have been there for a while. Befriend someone who may be willing to talk to you about how things work at your company. Find someone who can be helpful, but be careful about sharing how much you don’t know. Request a meeting with your boss to review your work. Explain that you know that they are busy, but you want to be successful, and you need a few minutes of their time in order to make sure you are in alignment. Doing this is part of their job, so don’t give up until you get your meeting.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am hoping to get back into dating, but I’m a bit of an introvert. Recently, I was out with some friends -- most of whom are in relationships -- and we spotted a few handsome men at the bar. My friends encouraged me to go over and introduce myself, but I hesitated. I told my friends that the men had looked over to us a few times, so I didn’t see why I had to approach them. My friends told me that I keep missing opportunities because I am not willing to initiate or do something different for a change. Is that true? Are my traditional hopes and standards for romance keeping me from my next relationship? -- Traditional Courting

DEAR TRADITIONAL DATING: Your friends’ encouragement was great. Walking over to say hello is not a marriage proposal -- but it is a great way to break the ice. Sometimes when people are in groups, it can feel daunting for someone to come over to talk to one person. What may be happening for you is that you see someone interesting and that person sees you, but both of you are nervous to say hello. Drum up the courage to make the first gesture and see what happens from there. Dating can be tough, but if you put yourself out there, you just may meet someone special who shares your values.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)