DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends and I are studying abroad in Europe, and we like to explore the party scene here. The clubs are strict -- they have security guards, and apparently everyone expects you to wear high heels and tiny dresses, neither of which are really my style. My friends and their tiny dresses were approved by the bouncer, but my mom jeans and I were not. This happened twice. I was embarrassed, but the fact that my friends decided not to go in made me feel a lot better.

I was thankful for them until they started encouraging me to dress differently so we could all get in. They badgered me about what I intended to wear days in advance, and if I didn’t go with the outfits they picked out for me, they’d get really annoyed. The third time I was turned away by a bouncer, my friends asked if I was OK to head home alone. I was shocked. I thought we would all leave and go elsewhere like usual, but I guess they prefer fun over friendship. Am I in the wrong friend group? -- In the Club

DEAR IN THE CLUB: You can’t put this on your friends. If there is a dress code that all of you have witnessed and you choose to ignore it, you should stop trying to go to that place. If your friends want to go, they should go without you. Given that you went multiple times together and they walked away because you didn’t get in, they’ve proven that they value your friendship. Ultimately, though, if they want to go somewhere you are unwilling to dress to attend, let them go without you. Don’t be mad, and don't try to hold them back with guilt.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has taken to going to bed before 8 p.m. No, he is not an old man (though he is getting older). He says he’s tired and that he doesn’t want to stay up. He gets up early in the morning, so that’s that.

I was frustrated with him for deciding to cut off his day so dramatically, and then I learned from another friend that her husband had taken to napping a lot in the middle of the day and going to bed early. He was just diagnosed with cancer. My friend points to her husband’s lethargy as a sign of illness, though neither of them detected it at the time. I want my husband to have a physical just to make sure he’s OK, but he refuses. I can’t even remember when he last had one. How can I get him to at least get checked out? -- Worried

DEAR WORRIED: If your husband is not sleeping substantially more than eight hours a night, then he's probably just an "early to bed, early to rise" type of guy. If you are sure that's not all there is to it, sit down with him and remind him of how much you love him. Tell him that you are worried about him because of the change in his sleeping habits. Point out what you just learned about your friend’s husband. Add that you hope you are being overly anxious, but ask him to indulge you by going to get a physical. Ask him to get a full workup to put your mind at ease.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently adopted a dog, and while I’m excited to have a new companion, I’m realizing it’s a lot more responsibility than I anticipated. My schedule is hectic, and I’m struggling to find enough time for walks, training and giving him the attention he needs. On top of that, my dog has started chewing on furniture, getting into things he shouldn’t and acting out when I’m not home, which is creating tension with my roommates.

I love my dog and want to do right by him, but I worry that I’m not providing the care, guidance or structure he needs. I’ve tried a few training techniques I found online, but they don’t seem to be working consistently, and I don’t want to accidentally make things worse. I feel guilty leaving him alone, but I can’t be home all day with work and other commitments. How can I balance my busy life with properly caring for my dog, keeping him happy and healthy, and correcting his behavior in a way that’s effective? -- Doggy SOS

DEAR DOGGY SOS: Clearly, you need help. It may be a stretch financially, but I recommend that you look into doggy daycare. There are facilities that welcome dogs for the day; employees play with the dogs, groom them, feed them and walk them. Plus, your dog gets to socialize with other dogs.

Right now, your dog is acting out because he is lonely. You have to solve that. Another effective solution is to get a kennel for your dog where he can stay while you are away. Many kennel-trained dogs feel comfortable and happy in their kennels while their owners are at work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m starting a new job soon, and I’ve just turned 30, so a goal I set for myself was to build healthier habits this year. I’ve been trying to establish better routines, be more responsible with money and prioritize my health. Meanwhile, my best friend still wants to go out and party almost every night, and when I turn her down, she acts hurt or gets upset with me. I feel like we’re no longer on the same page, almost like we’re living in two different life stages, and it’s becoming harder to relate to her. I don’t want to come across as judgmental or like I think I’m better than her, but the reality is that our lifestyles don’t match anymore. How can I step away from this friendship without creating drama or making her feel like I’m criticizing her choices? I still care about her, but I’m realizing that holding on to this friendship is starting to feel more draining than supportive. I’ve tried explaining my perspective, but she doesn’t seem to understand where I’m coming from. In order to respectfully end this friendship, what should I say to my friend? -- The End

DEAR THE END: Tell your friend that you love her, but you can’t hang out with her now. She has made it clear to you that she doesn’t like your new lifestyle choices, and you are uninterested in doing the things that the two of you used to do together, so it feels like a natural time to part ways.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: About a month ago, I reconnected with an old friend from college. I was visiting his city, and we bumped into each other and have been talking ever since. He made plans to come visit me and will be here next week. I’ve never dated long-distance before, so being able to go out and do things together is ideal, but he didn’t consult me before deciding to visit. Despite how much I like getting to know him again, it felt hasty that he would invite himself, purchase a plane ticket, book a place to stay and rent a car without asking me first. He’ll be here from Sunday to Wednesday, and I work on weekdays. He also booked a hotel about 40 minutes away from where I live. This all seems poorly planned and a bit too much for me, and I’m not really looking forward to this visit. Am I overreacting? -- Moving Too Fast

DEAR MOVING TOO FAST: It sounds like this man really likes you and wants to spend time with you in person. There’s something sweet and intentional about that, even if it is pushy. Rather than pushing back, give him a chance. He is attempting to be respectful. He didn’t say he was coming and wanted to stay in your house. He is making it as easy as possible to be in your company. Should he have asked you first? Yes. Should he have planned days that work best for you? Yes.

You can remind him that you have to work most of the time he will be in town, and you probably cannot hang out every night. Still, make an effort to spend time with him so you can see if building a bond with him is worth it. When in person, you can eventually tell him in a gentle way that you found his gesture a bit too forward -- but don’t start with that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents and other adult siblings are planning a big trip together, and they’re all really excited about it. They’ve been talking about it for months, and it feels like everyone expects me to be fully on board. The problem is, I don’t have enough vacation days to go for the full two weeks, and when I suggested coming for just part of the trip, they started guilt-tripping me to take unpaid leave to make it work. I simply can’t afford to lose that much income right now. It’s starting to make me feel anxious and torn. I want to spend time with them and make memories, but I also need to be responsible about my money, my career and my personal boundaries.

I’ve considered offering to join for a shorter portion, or maybe helping plan some fun activities from home, but I feel like no matter what I do, it won’t be enough for them. At the same time, I can’t risk my financial stability or my work performance. How do I set boundaries without feeling guilty or being seen as the “bad” family member? -- Odd Sibling Out

DEAR ODD SIBLING OUT: Talk to your family directly. Clarify that as much as you want to join them for the duration of the trip, you cannot afford to take unpaid leave. Tell them what you can do, and leave it at that. Offer to book the part of the trip that you can afford. If that is unacceptable to them, don’t go at all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)