DEAR HARRIETTE: About a month ago, I reconnected with an old friend from college. I was visiting his city, and we bumped into each other and have been talking ever since. He made plans to come visit me and will be here next week. I’ve never dated long-distance before, so being able to go out and do things together is ideal, but he didn’t consult me before deciding to visit. Despite how much I like getting to know him again, it felt hasty that he would invite himself, purchase a plane ticket, book a place to stay and rent a car without asking me first. He’ll be here from Sunday to Wednesday, and I work on weekdays. He also booked a hotel about 40 minutes away from where I live. This all seems poorly planned and a bit too much for me, and I’m not really looking forward to this visit. Am I overreacting? -- Moving Too Fast

DEAR MOVING TOO FAST: It sounds like this man really likes you and wants to spend time with you in person. There’s something sweet and intentional about that, even if it is pushy. Rather than pushing back, give him a chance. He is attempting to be respectful. He didn’t say he was coming and wanted to stay in your house. He is making it as easy as possible to be in your company. Should he have asked you first? Yes. Should he have planned days that work best for you? Yes.

You can remind him that you have to work most of the time he will be in town, and you probably cannot hang out every night. Still, make an effort to spend time with him so you can see if building a bond with him is worth it. When in person, you can eventually tell him in a gentle way that you found his gesture a bit too forward -- but don’t start with that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents and other adult siblings are planning a big trip together, and they’re all really excited about it. They’ve been talking about it for months, and it feels like everyone expects me to be fully on board. The problem is, I don’t have enough vacation days to go for the full two weeks, and when I suggested coming for just part of the trip, they started guilt-tripping me to take unpaid leave to make it work. I simply can’t afford to lose that much income right now. It’s starting to make me feel anxious and torn. I want to spend time with them and make memories, but I also need to be responsible about my money, my career and my personal boundaries.

I’ve considered offering to join for a shorter portion, or maybe helping plan some fun activities from home, but I feel like no matter what I do, it won’t be enough for them. At the same time, I can’t risk my financial stability or my work performance. How do I set boundaries without feeling guilty or being seen as the “bad” family member? -- Odd Sibling Out

DEAR ODD SIBLING OUT: Talk to your family directly. Clarify that as much as you want to join them for the duration of the trip, you cannot afford to take unpaid leave. Tell them what you can do, and leave it at that. Offer to book the part of the trip that you can afford. If that is unacceptable to them, don’t go at all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently have become friends with a group of older women. We get along great and have had some wonderful conversations and enjoyable times hanging out together. The thing is, they have way more time on their hands than I do. They are either fully retired or semi-retired. They have no problem spending a leisurely afternoon having lunch and talking the day away. I was able to do that a little bit this summer, but I work and have deadlines and responsibilities. I am finding it difficult to make time to stay connected the way that they do. I don’t want them to feel like I am ignoring them, but I cannot carve out hours and hours every week on weekdays to hang. How can I get this point across without making them feel bad or stop inviting me to spend time with them? -- Different Clock

DEAR DIFFERENT CLOCK: First, it’s wonderful that you have friends across generations. I do my best to keep people who are younger and older than me in my close orbit. It makes life more interesting and keeps me tapped into what’s going on around me. That said, I, too, work -- a lot -- and have had a similar experience.

What you can do is manage expectations. Be honest about your schedule. Explain that you cannot steal away on a weekday for a leisurely lunch. You have more time on the weekends, but even that is spotty. If you really want to cultivate this bond, suggest that you get together once a month. That may be manageable for you, even if they gather more frequently. Do your best to honor that monthly commitment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a woman of a certain age -- beyond 50 -- and I met a man recently who invited me on a date. We had a great time, and we both decided we would like to see each other again. I was telling one of my girlfriends about him, and it turns out they used to date. She had only nice things to say about him, but it felt weird. I like my private life to stay private. I don’t know if I like that a potential new love interest of mine was once my friend’s love interest. What if we decide to date? Then we would all be hanging out together? I’m not sure how I would handle that. Do you think I should say something to him about the situation before it has a chance to get serious? -- Past Connections

DEAR PAST CONNECTIONS: The chances that you could meet someone who has dated a friend of yours increases as your life blossoms. That shouldn’t seem weird. It’s probably more natural than anything. Don’t walk away from him because of that. Instead, tell him that this woman is your friend. Ask him if he is comfortable with continuing to get to know you considering that connection. You may want to agree not to talk about details of your budding relationship with her, given their past. Honestly, it’s best to grow your bond privately anyway. Friends have a way of meddling, even when it’s unintentional.

If you two hit it off well enough, do welcome him into the fold and see how everybody gets along.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m trying to manage my social life as an adult and explore new ways to make friends. I always made friends at school, with kids in my grade or from my classes, but now navigating the real world on my own, without proximity and closed environments to steer the way, has been challenging. An acquaintance invited me to a gathering at his home over the weekend. We don’t have many friends in common, so I invited a friend who ended up canceling at the last minute. I wanted to honor the invite, so I decided I should still go and thank him for including me. When I got there, I spoke to the host briefly, but he was busy with all of his other guests, so I ended up hanging around solo. I wanted to join conversations and feel included, but I didn’t know how to hop in naturally. I ended up feeling so awkward and uncomfortable that I left after an hour. Do you have any tips for navigating conversations with new faces? -- Socially Awkward

DEAR SOCIALLY AWKWARD: You had the right idea -- bring a friend to help ease into new conversations with people you don’t know. Sadly, that didn’t work out this time. What you can do to get comfortable around new people is to put yourself in the mix and then listen. Walk up and join a group of people who may be talking. Usually, they will make space for a new person (unless they are having a private or heated conversation). If they pause to look at you, say your name and that you are new to the area. Then listen to what they have to say. Notice if there are any intersections of interest or similarity when they speak. If so, offer how you relate to them. Be OK with mainly listening. Over time, you will notice people who appeal to you. Don’t give up next time. Stick around.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After college, I began applying for jobs and was open to positions all over the United States. I ended up getting an amazing offer, and I moved away from home and my family. I didn’t think it was a big deal since I had gone away for college.

It’s been three years since I moved, and I know my family’s preference is for me to be in my hometown. For the past few years, I assumed that is just how most parents are when their kid moves away, but it’s beginning to bother me. I went back home to visit this summer, and my mother admitted that she still hasn’t “forgiven” me for moving away. I think she thought her transparency would make me more sympathetic to her feelings, but it only made me angry. It’s hard enough starting over in a new place all alone. Why is my mom trying to make me feel guilty, too? -- Homesick

DEAR HOMESICK: Your mom just misses you and is dealing with her raw feelings. Tell her you miss her but you are working hard to build your life. Let her know you need her support more than her criticism. She raised you to be an independent person, and that’s who you are becoming. Ask her to stop berating you. In turn, promise to call her more and visit whenever you can.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)