DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently have become friends with a group of older women. We get along great and have had some wonderful conversations and enjoyable times hanging out together. The thing is, they have way more time on their hands than I do. They are either fully retired or semi-retired. They have no problem spending a leisurely afternoon having lunch and talking the day away. I was able to do that a little bit this summer, but I work and have deadlines and responsibilities. I am finding it difficult to make time to stay connected the way that they do. I don’t want them to feel like I am ignoring them, but I cannot carve out hours and hours every week on weekdays to hang. How can I get this point across without making them feel bad or stop inviting me to spend time with them? -- Different Clock

DEAR DIFFERENT CLOCK: First, it’s wonderful that you have friends across generations. I do my best to keep people who are younger and older than me in my close orbit. It makes life more interesting and keeps me tapped into what’s going on around me. That said, I, too, work -- a lot -- and have had a similar experience.

What you can do is manage expectations. Be honest about your schedule. Explain that you cannot steal away on a weekday for a leisurely lunch. You have more time on the weekends, but even that is spotty. If you really want to cultivate this bond, suggest that you get together once a month. That may be manageable for you, even if they gather more frequently. Do your best to honor that monthly commitment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a woman of a certain age -- beyond 50 -- and I met a man recently who invited me on a date. We had a great time, and we both decided we would like to see each other again. I was telling one of my girlfriends about him, and it turns out they used to date. She had only nice things to say about him, but it felt weird. I like my private life to stay private. I don’t know if I like that a potential new love interest of mine was once my friend’s love interest. What if we decide to date? Then we would all be hanging out together? I’m not sure how I would handle that. Do you think I should say something to him about the situation before it has a chance to get serious? -- Past Connections

DEAR PAST CONNECTIONS: The chances that you could meet someone who has dated a friend of yours increases as your life blossoms. That shouldn’t seem weird. It’s probably more natural than anything. Don’t walk away from him because of that. Instead, tell him that this woman is your friend. Ask him if he is comfortable with continuing to get to know you considering that connection. You may want to agree not to talk about details of your budding relationship with her, given their past. Honestly, it’s best to grow your bond privately anyway. Friends have a way of meddling, even when it’s unintentional.

If you two hit it off well enough, do welcome him into the fold and see how everybody gets along.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m trying to manage my social life as an adult and explore new ways to make friends. I always made friends at school, with kids in my grade or from my classes, but now navigating the real world on my own, without proximity and closed environments to steer the way, has been challenging. An acquaintance invited me to a gathering at his home over the weekend. We don’t have many friends in common, so I invited a friend who ended up canceling at the last minute. I wanted to honor the invite, so I decided I should still go and thank him for including me. When I got there, I spoke to the host briefly, but he was busy with all of his other guests, so I ended up hanging around solo. I wanted to join conversations and feel included, but I didn’t know how to hop in naturally. I ended up feeling so awkward and uncomfortable that I left after an hour. Do you have any tips for navigating conversations with new faces? -- Socially Awkward

DEAR SOCIALLY AWKWARD: You had the right idea -- bring a friend to help ease into new conversations with people you don’t know. Sadly, that didn’t work out this time. What you can do to get comfortable around new people is to put yourself in the mix and then listen. Walk up and join a group of people who may be talking. Usually, they will make space for a new person (unless they are having a private or heated conversation). If they pause to look at you, say your name and that you are new to the area. Then listen to what they have to say. Notice if there are any intersections of interest or similarity when they speak. If so, offer how you relate to them. Be OK with mainly listening. Over time, you will notice people who appeal to you. Don’t give up next time. Stick around.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After college, I began applying for jobs and was open to positions all over the United States. I ended up getting an amazing offer, and I moved away from home and my family. I didn’t think it was a big deal since I had gone away for college.

It’s been three years since I moved, and I know my family’s preference is for me to be in my hometown. For the past few years, I assumed that is just how most parents are when their kid moves away, but it’s beginning to bother me. I went back home to visit this summer, and my mother admitted that she still hasn’t “forgiven” me for moving away. I think she thought her transparency would make me more sympathetic to her feelings, but it only made me angry. It’s hard enough starting over in a new place all alone. Why is my mom trying to make me feel guilty, too? -- Homesick

DEAR HOMESICK: Your mom just misses you and is dealing with her raw feelings. Tell her you miss her but you are working hard to build your life. Let her know you need her support more than her criticism. She raised you to be an independent person, and that’s who you are becoming. Ask her to stop berating you. In turn, promise to call her more and visit whenever you can.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister recently went through a divorce, and it’s been difficult for her. She has two young kids, and I can see how overwhelmed and stressed she is, trying to juggle her work, taking care of the kids, managing the household and trying to keep her life on track. I want to be there for her, but I’m not sure of the best way to help. I don’t want to overstep or make her feel like I’m judging her, but I also don’t want to sit back and do nothing while she struggles.

I’ve tried asking my sister if she needs help, but she often insists she’s fine, even when I know she’s not. I worry about her mental health as well as how the stress is affecting her children. I want to support her in practical ways, like helping with errands, meals or child care, but I also want to be a source of emotional support and comfort without overwhelming her.

How can I be there for my sister in a way that truly helps her and her kids during this challenging time while respecting her space and independence? -- Want To Help

DEAR WANT TO HELP: Why not start with a simple offer like spending a few hours on the weekend engaging the kids? That may mean taking them to dance class or sports practice or designing a special outing to give your sister a break. This will also help you connect with your sister’s kids and keep their minds off their parents’ divorce.

Be specific with your offers so she doesn’t have to think much. Suggest pizza night -- your treat -- on Friday, and see how she responds. Offer to pick up groceries the next time you are already going to the grocery store. If you make it seem like it’s not an imposition to you, she may be more inclined to agree to accept your help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having a major dilemma. At the beginning of this year, I shared with my boss that I was interested in leaving in about three months to head to a new city. I gave them ample notice because I’ve been there for years and knew they’d appreciate me being there to train my replacement. My company ended up offering me a transfer to an office in the city of my choice; they just requested that I stay put long enough for them to hire someone else. In the interim, I’ve been shopping for a home and preparing to move, but my company continues to push back my leave date. It feels like they’re holding their offer hostage. I am now under contract for a home in California, but my employer is asking for “just one more month,” which they said last month and the one before that. It feels like if I wait for their green light, I’ll never get to move, and if I go on my own timeline, I’ll lose my job and subsequently not be able to move. What are my options? -- Damned If I Do

DEAR DAMNED IF I DO: Ask your company to make the mortgage payment on your new home until they are ready for you to move. Point out that you have accommodated their request, and now it’s their turn to help you after changing the terms of their previous offer. If that doesn’t work, it may be time to look for another job since they are stringing you along.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)