DEAR HARRIETTE: I was riding the subway during an off-peak hour. There were a few other passengers in my train car but still a lot of empty seats. A few stops into my ride, a seemingly unhoused person got onto my train, and as he sat down, four or five people got up and switched their seats to move away from him. I was already on the other end of the car, but I saw it all happen. This person then got up and snapped at everyone, yelling, “I’m a person, too.” It was quite sad to see. While I didn’t do it that day, I’m guilty of having moved away from certain people in the past. What can we do to be more mindful of how we treat others in circumstances like this? -- Be the Change

DEAR BE THE CHANGE: A great humanizer in a large city with public transportation is that you will be in the company of people who live in a variety of circumstances that may be different from your own. It can be easy to ignore them or attempt to distance yourself from them, especially in crowded areas, but as you witnessed, people notice when others back away.

Does that mean those people should have stayed in their seats? Not necessarily. If someone enters your space -- on the train or elsewhere -- and their smell or demeanor is unsettling, you have the right to move. You can even move just because you want more room if someone sits next to you and crowds you. What you should do, however, is to tap into your humanity first. If you have something to offer such as a piece of fruit or a bottle of water and the person is obviously in distress, quietly offer it. Let your attitude be one that shows that you honor the dignity in the other person, even if you move away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I haven’t dated in a while. I recently met someone quite casually in New York City, and they expressed interest. I had totally forgotten we’d exchanged numbers until he FaceTimed me a few days later. To my surprise, he was quite the conversationalist. He was interesting, attentive and curious. He told me that he would make plans for us, and he stuck to his word. He reached out today saying he’d like to take me out this evening. He made reservations for us to go to dinner and bowling, and he would like to pick me up. Everything sounds great. I’ve complained about people lacking initiative in the past, but now that I’m faced with it, I’m too nervous to go! Have I stayed out of the dating game too long? Why do I feel so anxious about something that seems to check all the boxes? -- Nervous Wreck

DEAR NERVOUS WRECK: You may be feeling he’s too good to be true. Step out of your comfort zone and agree to go out with him. If his big plan seems too big, suggest that you start with coffee or a walk in the park. Take it slow and find out if he’s interesting enough to let your guard down a bit.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I, along with a few family friends, needed to travel to Canada for a funeral. We decided it would be more economical to drive, so I booked the rental vehicle. Our friends let us know that they’d send us their contribution before we hit the road. The day before our departure, they called, saying they might just take a bus because it’s more affordable, despite us choosing the rental car together and agreeing on pricing. My wife and I decided to invite them to join us in the carpool anyway because the car was already paid for, but I found all the back and forth to be a nuisance; we had checked in with them every step of the way, and we had all agreed. I ended up doing all the driving and covered gas, tolls and the cost of the car. My wife wants to say something to our friends, but I think that may be awkward. What do you think? -- Carpool

DEAR CARPOOL: Emotions were likely high, given that you and your friends were going to a funeral, but your friends were wrong. They broke an agreement that you made together and took advantage of you by not contributing at all to the cost of the trip. They should be ashamed of themselves! You have every right to speak to them about this. Remind them that you all agreed on the travel plans and the sharing of costs. They reneged. When you offered to let them ride with you anyway, they should have at least contributed to gas and tolls. Too bad you didn’t ask them straight up to pay their share anyway. You can tell them now how you feel and ask for them to make a contribution to defray some of the costs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m an executive assistant with 12 years of experience under my belt. I have been with my current company for the past three years, exhibiting growth and leadership, and I’ve even been trusted to conduct interviews and training for new hires. I was originally hired to be an assistant for a director at my company. Early this year, one of the C-suite execs lost their assistant, and I was asked to pull that weight and offer full-time support along with my existing workload. It has been difficult, but honestly, I’ve enjoyed the challenge. Working with the C-suite can be difficult, and it has been, but I enjoy learning through a different lens in the company. Despite enjoying this new role, I believe my efforts are worthy of proper compensation. This new role alone often makes anywhere between $20,000 and $30,000 more than I am currently earning, and I am handling both jobs. How do I remind my higher-ups of my value at the firm and respectfully request a well-deserved raise? -- Two Jobs in One

DEAR TWO JOBS IN ONE: Do you have a mentor at work? If so, talk to that person about strategy. If not, request a meeting with your direct supervisor. Describe how you have been enjoying the challenge over the past few months. Share what your long-term goals are at the company. Don’t be afraid to dream big out loud. Ask what they are thinking about for the future of this role. Point out that you have been doing two jobs for several months and would appreciate being compensated for the additional role as you also hope they will consider you for a role that is in alignment with your vision.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter is upset with me because I told her she couldn’t go to a concert with her friends. The show is in a nearby city, and while she insists everyone else’s parents are letting them go, I don’t feel comfortable with her being out so late in such a large, unsupervised crowd. She’s 15, and the concert would end well past midnight. When I told her no, she burst into tears and accused me of not trusting her. Since then, she’s barely spoken to me.

I know part of this is typical teenage behavior, but it’s been difficult feeling like the bad guy when my only intention is to protect her. She’s been slamming doors, refusing to eat dinner with us and making little comments about how I never let her do anything fun. It breaks my heart; I don’t want her to feel like I’m controlling her life, but I also don’t want to give in just to avoid her anger. I keep second-guessing myself: Am I being too strict, or is this a reasonable boundary for her age? How can I make sure she doesn’t see me as the enemy? -- Angry Daughter

DEAR ANGRY DAUGHTER: Why not check in with the other friends’ parents to see what precautions they may have put in place, just to get some perspective? Get a sense of what is happening with her friend group so that you know what she could be dealing with. Have you considered driving her (and her friends) to the concert and picking them up when it’s over? Even if you don’t change your mind, you may proceed with more compassion -- just don’t present her as a baby to the other parents. You don’t want those conversations to make things worse.

Talk to your daughter about what you think is appropriate for her age and what the boundaries are. Apologize for having to disagree, but point out that you are the parent, and until she is independent, she must abide by your rules. She may stay mad for a while, but hopefully it will die down.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend is upset with me because I was unable to celebrate her birthday with her a few weeks back. I am unemployed right now, so I try to be mindful of my expenses and always account for my necessities first. My friend reached out and invited me to a private dinner party at her home and requested $200 for attendance. That would cover the cost of the private chef and some other things. I couldn’t spend that kind of money on a party. I explained to her that I could not afford to be there, and since then, she’s been cold. She is slow to reply to text messages, and the few times I have seen her or spoken with her, she’ll point out what I’m spending my money on or ask how much it cost me to do certain things. It’s making me uncomfortable. I’ve asked her if we can set aside some time to talk, but she won’t respond. I have enough on my plate. Is this kind of friend worth my patience? -- Birthday Drama

DEAR BIRTHDAY DRAMA: Your friend is being selfish. Stop trying to appease her. Focus on your life. You do not need to answer to her about how you spend money. Stop trying to talk to her. She owes you an apology for trying to bully you into spending beyond your budget on her birthday.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)