DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a difficult first pregnancy that took a serious toll on my physical and mental health. From severe morning sickness to complications that required hospitalization, the experience left me exhausted and anxious about the possibility of going through it again. Because of this, I’ve decided that I don’t want to have another biological child. My husband, however, really wants another kid, and he keeps bringing up the idea of trying for a second. I understand his desire to expand our family, and I love him deeply, but I can’t ignore the fear and trauma I still feel from my first pregnancy.

I’ve suggested adoption as an alternative, thinking it could be a way to grow our family without putting my health at risk, but the financial costs are astronomical and make it feel out of reach for us. Every time we talk about it, I feel torn between protecting my own well-being and trying to make my husband happy. He’s frustrated and disappointed, and I worry that my refusal is creating distance between us. How do we find a solution that will not cause tension in our marriage? -- No More Kids

DEAR NO MORE KIDS: It is hard to understand how frightening pregnancy can be if it hasn’t happened to you. Your husband may not fully get the magnitude of what happened to you in your first pregnancy, and he is therefore frustrated by your reluctance to do it again.

Talk to your doctor to learn about the risks before you so that you can get an objective opinion about a future pregnancy. Continue with your gut check about what you believe you can handle. If you feel more apprehensive than ready to become pregnant again, consider other alternatives. You may want to look at alternative adoption options, like foster to adopt.

In the end, you and your husband need to come to a decision together. Talk it out. Stand your ground and figure out how to move forward as one.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is working with a company that makes money by signing up others under you to do the same thing -- what my mom used to call a pyramid scheme. It seems legitimate, but I’m not interested. I am doing my own thing, and I don’t have the interest or time to invest in somebody else’s plan. My friend won’t take no for an answer. She keeps trying to lure me in with the promise of earning fast money. How can I get her to know that I’m not interested without making her feel like I am rejecting her? -- Stop Asking

DEAR STOP ASKING: Tell your friend that you are happy that she has found something that works for her and that she is earning money doing it. That is fantastic -- for her. Point out that you are doing your own thing and you need to focus on that. Ask her to stop inviting you to join her company. You do not have the bandwidth or interest to get involved in her project. Tell her you wish her well, but implore her to stop pitching this job to you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few weeks ago, I had a really embarrassing accident at work. I tripped in the office and split my pants right in front of my colleagues. On top of that, I sprained my ankle in the fall, so I had to take some time off to recover. While I was out, I kept imagining everyone replaying that moment in their minds, and I worried about what they thought of me.

Now that I’m finally cleared to return to the office, I feel a mix of anxiety, dread and self-consciousness. I keep picturing co-workers whispering or laughing behind my back, even though most of them probably don’t even think about it anymore. The thought of walking back into the office makes me physically tense, and I’ve been considering asking to work from home longer just to avoid facing everyone. I know that it was an accident and everyone has embarrassing moments, but emotionally, I feel like I’m trapped in that one humiliating instant.

I want to be professional and get back into my routine, but I’m not sure how to shake off this embarrassment or rebuild my confidence in front of my co-workers. How can I return to the office without letting this one incident bother me? -- Back To Work

DEAR BACK TO WORK: It is highly unlikely that your co-workers have been fixated on your fall. They should be doing their jobs. Additionally, most people are so self-absorbed that they don’t obsess over other people’s issues.

Go back to work with your head held high. When someone asks how you are doing, give an uplifting report. If someone mentions the fall or you splitting your pants, laugh it off. It was a moment in the past. Be in the present and get back to work. If you let it go, they will, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband recently lost his job. There is a ton of paperwork to fill out, and he is dragging his feet instead of doing it. Whenever I ask him about it, he blows me off and says I am nagging him. He has always been the principal breadwinner in our family, and I need him to take this situation seriously. I cannot jump in and handle it all. Some things only he can do. How can I get him to focus and handle his business? We have three kids, and I need him to step up and figure out his next steps. -- What To Do

DEAR WHAT TO DO: Sit down with your husband again. Tell him you don’t mean to nag; you just want to help. Ask him if you can see the paperwork that has to be filled out and help where you are able. In as pleasant a tone as you can muster, urge him to carve out time to make a plan for his next steps so that he can continue to protect the family. If he needs to apply for unemployment benefits, look it up online and show him the website. While he may get angry, do whatever steps you can to make it easy for him to complete the tasks at hand. This is a tense time. Try to stay calm and not to take his snippiness personally.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Six months ago, my boyfriend broke up with me, and I’m embarrassed to admit that I still can’t seem to get over him. The truth is that he wasn’t even that great of a boyfriend. He was inconsistent with his communication, dismissive of my feelings and didn’t do much to show me that he cared about me. Even knowing all of that, I find myself stuck on the good memories and the “what-ifs.”

My friends keep telling me I deserve better and should move on, but I feel like I’m caught in this loop of replaying everything in my head and wondering if I made mistakes that ruined the relationship. I’ve tried dating again, but I end up comparing every new person to him, which makes me feel worse. Part of me worries that if I couldn’t make it work with him, maybe I’ll never make it work with anyone. I want to heal and move forward, but I don’t know where to start. Sometimes I wonder if holding on to him is just an excuse to avoid facing the fear of being alone. -- Holding On

DEAR HOLDING ON: Make a list of the qualities you want in a partner. What values are important to you? What traits spark your interest? Think of all of the characteristics that appeal to you and write them down. Next, list the behaviors that irk you. What do you want to avoid in a relationship? Feel free to think about your ex and use what didn’t work with him, but don't limit your list to only his attributes. Now reference your lists and look around. Who in your world reflects what you have listed? If you don’t see anyone, expand your horizons. Put yourself out there to meet other people.

When you think of your ex, remember the ways in which he did not measure up, even as you notice certain good qualities on your list that he does have. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you. Whenever you start to long for him, return your list. Did he truly measure up, or do you just miss the idea of him?

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I go back home for the holidays, it turns into a shouting match because my parents and I have opposing political views. What starts as small talk always ends up in heated debates that leave me feeling drained and resentful. I’ve tried avoiding certain topics, but my parents bring them up and push until I feel cornered into responding. Holidays that used to be fun now feel like emotional battlegrounds, and I’ve started dreading them instead of looking forward to spending time together. Sometimes I make excuses to leave early, just to avoid another round of arguing. My siblings usually stay quiet, which makes me feel even more singled out when the spotlight lands on me. I don’t want to cut ties with my family, but I also don’t want to spend every visit bracing myself for arguments. How can I keep the peace and protect my mental health while still staying connected to them? -- Need a Truce

DEAR NEED A TRUCE: You can decide that some topics are off-limits when you are with your family. When they come up, remind your parents that you love them and, therefore, you have decided not to talk about these controversial topics. If they don’t stop, walk out of the room. Do not engage.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)