DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the past three years, my ex and I have found our way back to friendship. When we first broke up, we left each other alone, which was probably for the best. Lately, we check in from time to time and cheer each other on in new endeavors. About a month ago, I found myself in a jam: My car broke down late at night, and I needed a lift. I called my ex in hopes that he was out. He was, but he did not appreciate me calling while “in need.” I found my own way home, but he eventually reached out after weeks of us not speaking to tell me how confused he is. Apparently, conversation is OK, but asking for favors sends a different message. Is it possible to have a healthy friendship with this person, given our history and our current misunderstanding, or are there too many complex emotions for a simple friendship to be possible? -- It’s Complicated

DEAR IT’S COMPLICATED: Clearly, there are still some lingering feelings in the air between you two. Even though you have moved on, the heart is a funny thing. The confusion points to the possibility that something may be stirring. That said, when you were clearly in need, the fact that your ex left you hanging is terrible. He could have picked you up and dropped you off without opening the way for any other type of interaction. To leave you stranded seems selfish. This suggests that he cannot handle being your friend. My advice is to back off -- for now, anyway.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am heading back to college soon, and this will be my second year living off campus. During the summer, I sublet my room and came home for a paid internship. I’ve been saving up my money so that I can be prepared once I’m back on campus and minimize my loans. In preparation for the upcoming semester, my dad let me know how proud he was of me and my first paid internship at a major company, and he offered to help me with rent for the next few months. He made it clear that he won’t be paying in full, and I made it clear that I intend to find at least a part-time job once I get back to school. For some reason, though, my mom seems against it. She hasn’t said so explicitly, but whenever my dad reminds her to write the check or Zelle me, she avoids doing it in the moment and seems to conveniently “forget.” I really don’t like asking, but my dad says when someone offers you something, it’s important for me to show up and do my part to take it. I feel awkward asking repeatedly, and I’m not sure why my mom is making me. -- Rent Assistance

DEAR RENT ASSISTANCE: Why not talk to your mom directly? Remind her of what you are doing and of the agreement you made with your dad. Point out that you are not expecting them to fully cover your expenses, but you made your plans based on your dad's promise, and their support is crucial to your life for these next months. Ask her why she is reluctant to help and if there is something you can do to make her feel more comfortable.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 13-year-old daughter has recently started refusing to attend family gatherings like birthday parties or Sunday dinners at my parents’ house. She says they’re “boring, fake and a waste of time.” I understand that she’s a teenager and trying to find her own identity, but it’s really starting to hurt my parents’ feelings. They miss her and have mentioned that they feel like she doesn’t care about spending time with them anymore.

I’ve tried explaining to my daughter how important family is and how these events aren’t just about fun; they’re about staying connected to those who matter to us. She just shuts down or rolls her eyes. I don’t want to force her to come and make things even more awkward, but I also don’t want to let her completely disconnect from the family. How do I navigate this without pushing her further away or upsetting my parents even more? Is this just a phase, or should I be concerned about something deeper going on? -- Awkward Teen

DEAR AWKWARD TEEN: First, make sure that nothing has happened between your daughter and your parents to cause her not to want to spend time with them. Shy of an egregious incident between them, my recommendation is that you let your daughter know that you need her to show up and be respectful at these family events; they are not optional. If she refuses, take away a privilege that she values, like visiting with friends or using social media.

Yes, teens can go through tremendous emotional turmoil, but that should not give them a pass to be disrespectful to others, especially their grandparents. Do not tolerate it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a son who is still living at home after finishing college. He has a job and is looking for a better one in his field of interest, but it’s slow going. I appreciate that he is making the effort. What he has not been good at is helping around the house. When he isn’t working, he is sleeping or playing video games or doing something other than contributing to the household. This is partly my fault. I didn’t require him to do dishes or laundry when he was growing up, but I need him to chip in now. How can I get him to take my requests seriously? -- Time To Help Out

DEAR TIME TO HELP OUT: Sit down with your son and talk about the rules of your household. Acknowledge that you didn’t have as many requirements of him when he was a child, but you need him to step it up now. Give him a few chores that he should do each day and some that should be done weekly. Remind him until it becomes second nature to him (if it ever does). Try not to get angry when he slips up. Since he hasn’t learned the discipline yet, you can expect him to give you attitude or to forget. Just keep reminding him that he is part of your household, and he needs to pull his weight.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is deeply passionate about international humanitarian work. It's a huge part of who he is and, honestly, one of the reasons I admire and love him so much. Recently, he told me he’s planning to move abroad to work in a conflict zone for an extended period. He sees it as an opportunity to make a real impact, and he feels called to be there.

While I admire his courage and commitment, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with fear. I’m scared for his safety, of course, but I’m also struggling with what this means for our relationship. I don’t know if I’m emotionally strong enough to live with the constant worry. Realistically, I don’t think I can just pack up my life and follow him into such an unpredictable situation. I have a career and family ties here, in addition to a lot of anxiety about living in an unstable region. He hasn’t asked me to come with him, at least not directly, but I can tell he’s hoping I’ll be on board. Is it selfish to ask someone you love to choose you over their purpose? -- His Adventure

DEAR HIS ADVENTURE: You haven’t mentioned your ages, but I imagine that you both are young and at the beginning of your adult lives. This is the time to explore and to discover what you want for your life. While nothing is guaranteed, if you and your boyfriend feel committed to each other, why not make a plan that gives him space to pursue his dreams while you do the same where you are? Rather than worrying about his every move, trust that he will do the best he can to be safe wherever he goes. Tell him that you do not feel comfortable joining him, but you hope that the two of you can stay together even as he goes off exploring.

I don’t recommend asking him to choose you over his purpose. Give him space to experience his passion and see what happens next. If there is a chance for the two of you to build a life together, you need to allow each other to fulfill your individual dreams as well as your shared ones.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is constantly asking me for favors. I drive and she doesn’t, so she asks me to take her places or pick her up -- frequently. I do so whenever I can because I realize how hard it can be to get around without wheels. On the flip side, when I need help, she is almost always too busy. For example, we live near each other. Occasionally if I’m running late from work, I will ask her to let my dog out into the backyard -- not to walk him, just to let him relieve himself. She will say she doesn’t have time right now. If I’m entertaining and she’s coming over, too, I might ask her to make her signature dessert to add to the festivities. Nope. Her plate is full, and she can’t help me out. I’ve got a thousand other examples, but basically she says no almost every time I ask her to help me out. How do I address this without causing more conflict? -- Off Balance

DEAR OFF BALANCE: Tell your friend that you have noticed that she always says no when you ask her for help and that it hurts your feelings. Next time she asks you to do something for her, be unavailable. See if she notices.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)