DEAR HARRIETTE: My 13-year-old daughter has recently started refusing to attend family gatherings like birthday parties or Sunday dinners at my parents’ house. She says they’re “boring, fake and a waste of time.” I understand that she’s a teenager and trying to find her own identity, but it’s really starting to hurt my parents’ feelings. They miss her and have mentioned that they feel like she doesn’t care about spending time with them anymore.

I’ve tried explaining to my daughter how important family is and how these events aren’t just about fun; they’re about staying connected to those who matter to us. She just shuts down or rolls her eyes. I don’t want to force her to come and make things even more awkward, but I also don’t want to let her completely disconnect from the family. How do I navigate this without pushing her further away or upsetting my parents even more? Is this just a phase, or should I be concerned about something deeper going on? -- Awkward Teen

DEAR AWKWARD TEEN: First, make sure that nothing has happened between your daughter and your parents to cause her not to want to spend time with them. Shy of an egregious incident between them, my recommendation is that you let your daughter know that you need her to show up and be respectful at these family events; they are not optional. If she refuses, take away a privilege that she values, like visiting with friends or using social media.

Yes, teens can go through tremendous emotional turmoil, but that should not give them a pass to be disrespectful to others, especially their grandparents. Do not tolerate it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a son who is still living at home after finishing college. He has a job and is looking for a better one in his field of interest, but it’s slow going. I appreciate that he is making the effort. What he has not been good at is helping around the house. When he isn’t working, he is sleeping or playing video games or doing something other than contributing to the household. This is partly my fault. I didn’t require him to do dishes or laundry when he was growing up, but I need him to chip in now. How can I get him to take my requests seriously? -- Time To Help Out

DEAR TIME TO HELP OUT: Sit down with your son and talk about the rules of your household. Acknowledge that you didn’t have as many requirements of him when he was a child, but you need him to step it up now. Give him a few chores that he should do each day and some that should be done weekly. Remind him until it becomes second nature to him (if it ever does). Try not to get angry when he slips up. Since he hasn’t learned the discipline yet, you can expect him to give you attitude or to forget. Just keep reminding him that he is part of your household, and he needs to pull his weight.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is deeply passionate about international humanitarian work. It's a huge part of who he is and, honestly, one of the reasons I admire and love him so much. Recently, he told me he’s planning to move abroad to work in a conflict zone for an extended period. He sees it as an opportunity to make a real impact, and he feels called to be there.

While I admire his courage and commitment, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with fear. I’m scared for his safety, of course, but I’m also struggling with what this means for our relationship. I don’t know if I’m emotionally strong enough to live with the constant worry. Realistically, I don’t think I can just pack up my life and follow him into such an unpredictable situation. I have a career and family ties here, in addition to a lot of anxiety about living in an unstable region. He hasn’t asked me to come with him, at least not directly, but I can tell he’s hoping I’ll be on board. Is it selfish to ask someone you love to choose you over their purpose? -- His Adventure

DEAR HIS ADVENTURE: You haven’t mentioned your ages, but I imagine that you both are young and at the beginning of your adult lives. This is the time to explore and to discover what you want for your life. While nothing is guaranteed, if you and your boyfriend feel committed to each other, why not make a plan that gives him space to pursue his dreams while you do the same where you are? Rather than worrying about his every move, trust that he will do the best he can to be safe wherever he goes. Tell him that you do not feel comfortable joining him, but you hope that the two of you can stay together even as he goes off exploring.

I don’t recommend asking him to choose you over his purpose. Give him space to experience his passion and see what happens next. If there is a chance for the two of you to build a life together, you need to allow each other to fulfill your individual dreams as well as your shared ones.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is constantly asking me for favors. I drive and she doesn’t, so she asks me to take her places or pick her up -- frequently. I do so whenever I can because I realize how hard it can be to get around without wheels. On the flip side, when I need help, she is almost always too busy. For example, we live near each other. Occasionally if I’m running late from work, I will ask her to let my dog out into the backyard -- not to walk him, just to let him relieve himself. She will say she doesn’t have time right now. If I’m entertaining and she’s coming over, too, I might ask her to make her signature dessert to add to the festivities. Nope. Her plate is full, and she can’t help me out. I’ve got a thousand other examples, but basically she says no almost every time I ask her to help me out. How do I address this without causing more conflict? -- Off Balance

DEAR OFF BALANCE: Tell your friend that you have noticed that she always says no when you ask her for help and that it hurts your feelings. Next time she asks you to do something for her, be unavailable. See if she notices.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was skinny for most of my life -- uncomfortably so. Then I had my son, and I gained a lot of weight. It has been more than 20 years, and I have yet to get back to a slim size. To be honest, I am overweight. I feel like I hated how I looked when I was younger because I was too small, and now I’m shy about how I look because I’m too big. Yes, I see that I have some body-image issues, but I need to do something about my body today as I’m too big and I’ve been diagnosed with some health issues that have come from carrying excess weight. How can I get a healthy mindset about my body and take the steps to lose the weight? -- Weighty

DEAR WEIGHTY: Rather than focusing on how you feel about how you look, first work with your doctor and possibly a dietician to create a plan to get your body healthy. This will involve changing your diet and moving your body. If you are able to commit to a regimen that will help you to lose weight, it is likely that you will start feeling better physically and psychologically.

Don’t stop there. Find a therapist who can work with you on your self-esteem issues and help you get to the heart of your concerns. One thing I have learned is that our bodies change over the years. I have adopted the approach of making the effort to thank my body for all that it does for me and, in turn, making conscious choices to take better care of it. Little by little, this has helped me to be kinder to myself and more accepting of me as I am.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend whose husband is going through a hard time. He has always been a curmudgeon, but it’s getting worse these days. He has some health issues that have exacerbated his negative behavior. I cringe sometimes when I hear him talking to his wife, but she seems to take it in stride. She told me that it is part of her marriage vows to deal with him however he is -- for better or worse. I get that, but it’s hard to see someone being abusive to his spouse. He doesn’t hit her, but he says disparaging things all the time. Do you think that people should stay married when they are suffering emotional abuse? Should I say anything to her about this? -- Uncomfortable Observer

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE OBSERVER: You cannot live your friend’s life for her, nor can you walk in her shoes. You can be supportive by being a good listener. If she asks your opinion about something that she has experienced, tell her the truth. Don’t sugarcoat it. If it gets to the point where you feel uncomfortable being around the two of them, you can tell her that as well. Don’t abandon her, but limit your interaction with him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)