DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is deeply passionate about international humanitarian work. It's a huge part of who he is and, honestly, one of the reasons I admire and love him so much. Recently, he told me he’s planning to move abroad to work in a conflict zone for an extended period. He sees it as an opportunity to make a real impact, and he feels called to be there.

While I admire his courage and commitment, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with fear. I’m scared for his safety, of course, but I’m also struggling with what this means for our relationship. I don’t know if I’m emotionally strong enough to live with the constant worry. Realistically, I don’t think I can just pack up my life and follow him into such an unpredictable situation. I have a career and family ties here, in addition to a lot of anxiety about living in an unstable region. He hasn’t asked me to come with him, at least not directly, but I can tell he’s hoping I’ll be on board. Is it selfish to ask someone you love to choose you over their purpose? -- His Adventure

DEAR HIS ADVENTURE: You haven’t mentioned your ages, but I imagine that you both are young and at the beginning of your adult lives. This is the time to explore and to discover what you want for your life. While nothing is guaranteed, if you and your boyfriend feel committed to each other, why not make a plan that gives him space to pursue his dreams while you do the same where you are? Rather than worrying about his every move, trust that he will do the best he can to be safe wherever he goes. Tell him that you do not feel comfortable joining him, but you hope that the two of you can stay together even as he goes off exploring.

I don’t recommend asking him to choose you over his purpose. Give him space to experience his passion and see what happens next. If there is a chance for the two of you to build a life together, you need to allow each other to fulfill your individual dreams as well as your shared ones.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is constantly asking me for favors. I drive and she doesn’t, so she asks me to take her places or pick her up -- frequently. I do so whenever I can because I realize how hard it can be to get around without wheels. On the flip side, when I need help, she is almost always too busy. For example, we live near each other. Occasionally if I’m running late from work, I will ask her to let my dog out into the backyard -- not to walk him, just to let him relieve himself. She will say she doesn’t have time right now. If I’m entertaining and she’s coming over, too, I might ask her to make her signature dessert to add to the festivities. Nope. Her plate is full, and she can’t help me out. I’ve got a thousand other examples, but basically she says no almost every time I ask her to help me out. How do I address this without causing more conflict? -- Off Balance

DEAR OFF BALANCE: Tell your friend that you have noticed that she always says no when you ask her for help and that it hurts your feelings. Next time she asks you to do something for her, be unavailable. See if she notices.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was skinny for most of my life -- uncomfortably so. Then I had my son, and I gained a lot of weight. It has been more than 20 years, and I have yet to get back to a slim size. To be honest, I am overweight. I feel like I hated how I looked when I was younger because I was too small, and now I’m shy about how I look because I’m too big. Yes, I see that I have some body-image issues, but I need to do something about my body today as I’m too big and I’ve been diagnosed with some health issues that have come from carrying excess weight. How can I get a healthy mindset about my body and take the steps to lose the weight? -- Weighty

DEAR WEIGHTY: Rather than focusing on how you feel about how you look, first work with your doctor and possibly a dietician to create a plan to get your body healthy. This will involve changing your diet and moving your body. If you are able to commit to a regimen that will help you to lose weight, it is likely that you will start feeling better physically and psychologically.

Don’t stop there. Find a therapist who can work with you on your self-esteem issues and help you get to the heart of your concerns. One thing I have learned is that our bodies change over the years. I have adopted the approach of making the effort to thank my body for all that it does for me and, in turn, making conscious choices to take better care of it. Little by little, this has helped me to be kinder to myself and more accepting of me as I am.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend whose husband is going through a hard time. He has always been a curmudgeon, but it’s getting worse these days. He has some health issues that have exacerbated his negative behavior. I cringe sometimes when I hear him talking to his wife, but she seems to take it in stride. She told me that it is part of her marriage vows to deal with him however he is -- for better or worse. I get that, but it’s hard to see someone being abusive to his spouse. He doesn’t hit her, but he says disparaging things all the time. Do you think that people should stay married when they are suffering emotional abuse? Should I say anything to her about this? -- Uncomfortable Observer

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE OBSERVER: You cannot live your friend’s life for her, nor can you walk in her shoes. You can be supportive by being a good listener. If she asks your opinion about something that she has experienced, tell her the truth. Don’t sugarcoat it. If it gets to the point where you feel uncomfortable being around the two of them, you can tell her that as well. Don’t abandon her, but limit your interaction with him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few months ago, I was offered a job abroad in a city where I’ve always dreamed of living. The position was exciting and well-paying, and it aligned perfectly with my long-term goals. When it came time to decide, I panicked. I worried about being far from my family, not knowing the language and whether I could really handle such a big change on my own. I turned it down. Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like I let fear make the decision for me, and I’ve been stuck in the same routine ever since -- same job, same neighborhood, same unfulfilled feeling. Everyone keeps telling me, “You’ll get another chance,” but deep down I don’t know if that’s true. I can’t stop wondering what my life could have looked like if I’d just been a little braver. How do I stop obsessing over what I missed out on and start building a future I’m excited about again? Is it too late to take a bold leap, even if it’s not the same opportunity? -- Push Past Fear

DEAR PUSH PAST FEAR: Rather than obsessing over what didn’t happen, look to the future. What do you want for yourself? How did that opportunity reach you in the first place? When you dream about your life, how do you envision it? Why not create a vision board where you put images and words that highlight your dreams? Be brave enough to put it all out there on this collage that you make, and then pursue it.

You might start by taking a vacation to your dream country to see whether it appeals to you as a potential home. Take baby steps to determine your interest. Most important: Don’t give up. A bold leap can happen step by step.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently brought up the idea of starting a TikTok account as a couple. He’s always been into content creation, and he thinks it would be a fun way for us to bond, grow a following and maybe even make some extra income. I know it means a lot to him, and I want to be supportive of his creativity, but honestly, the idea makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like putting my personal life on display, especially not in front of strangers online. I’m also worried about the pressure it could put on our relationship, having to curate “cute” moments, keep up with trends or maintain a certain image just for views. It feels like turning something intimate into something performative, and that just doesn’t sit well with me. At the same time, I don’t want to rain on his parade or come off as unsupportive. I know how much this excites him, and I don’t want to be the reason he gives up on something that could bring him joy or success.

Where do I draw the line between being encouraging and betraying my own comfort zone? Is there a compromise we could reach that honors both of our needs? -- Social Couple

DEAR SOCIAL COUPLE: Tell your boyfriend the truth: You want him to be happy, but it makes you uncomfortable to put your personal business out on social media. You support him in his endeavors as a content creator as long as he limits how much of you he includes, but unfortunately, you cannot join him in a joint TikTok.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)