DEAR HARRIETTE: I was skinny for most of my life -- uncomfortably so. Then I had my son, and I gained a lot of weight. It has been more than 20 years, and I have yet to get back to a slim size. To be honest, I am overweight. I feel like I hated how I looked when I was younger because I was too small, and now I’m shy about how I look because I’m too big. Yes, I see that I have some body-image issues, but I need to do something about my body today as I’m too big and I’ve been diagnosed with some health issues that have come from carrying excess weight. How can I get a healthy mindset about my body and take the steps to lose the weight? -- Weighty

DEAR WEIGHTY: Rather than focusing on how you feel about how you look, first work with your doctor and possibly a dietician to create a plan to get your body healthy. This will involve changing your diet and moving your body. If you are able to commit to a regimen that will help you to lose weight, it is likely that you will start feeling better physically and psychologically.

Don’t stop there. Find a therapist who can work with you on your self-esteem issues and help you get to the heart of your concerns. One thing I have learned is that our bodies change over the years. I have adopted the approach of making the effort to thank my body for all that it does for me and, in turn, making conscious choices to take better care of it. Little by little, this has helped me to be kinder to myself and more accepting of me as I am.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend whose husband is going through a hard time. He has always been a curmudgeon, but it’s getting worse these days. He has some health issues that have exacerbated his negative behavior. I cringe sometimes when I hear him talking to his wife, but she seems to take it in stride. She told me that it is part of her marriage vows to deal with him however he is -- for better or worse. I get that, but it’s hard to see someone being abusive to his spouse. He doesn’t hit her, but he says disparaging things all the time. Do you think that people should stay married when they are suffering emotional abuse? Should I say anything to her about this? -- Uncomfortable Observer

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE OBSERVER: You cannot live your friend’s life for her, nor can you walk in her shoes. You can be supportive by being a good listener. If she asks your opinion about something that she has experienced, tell her the truth. Don’t sugarcoat it. If it gets to the point where you feel uncomfortable being around the two of them, you can tell her that as well. Don’t abandon her, but limit your interaction with him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few months ago, I was offered a job abroad in a city where I’ve always dreamed of living. The position was exciting and well-paying, and it aligned perfectly with my long-term goals. When it came time to decide, I panicked. I worried about being far from my family, not knowing the language and whether I could really handle such a big change on my own. I turned it down. Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like I let fear make the decision for me, and I’ve been stuck in the same routine ever since -- same job, same neighborhood, same unfulfilled feeling. Everyone keeps telling me, “You’ll get another chance,” but deep down I don’t know if that’s true. I can’t stop wondering what my life could have looked like if I’d just been a little braver. How do I stop obsessing over what I missed out on and start building a future I’m excited about again? Is it too late to take a bold leap, even if it’s not the same opportunity? -- Push Past Fear

DEAR PUSH PAST FEAR: Rather than obsessing over what didn’t happen, look to the future. What do you want for yourself? How did that opportunity reach you in the first place? When you dream about your life, how do you envision it? Why not create a vision board where you put images and words that highlight your dreams? Be brave enough to put it all out there on this collage that you make, and then pursue it.

You might start by taking a vacation to your dream country to see whether it appeals to you as a potential home. Take baby steps to determine your interest. Most important: Don’t give up. A bold leap can happen step by step.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently brought up the idea of starting a TikTok account as a couple. He’s always been into content creation, and he thinks it would be a fun way for us to bond, grow a following and maybe even make some extra income. I know it means a lot to him, and I want to be supportive of his creativity, but honestly, the idea makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like putting my personal life on display, especially not in front of strangers online. I’m also worried about the pressure it could put on our relationship, having to curate “cute” moments, keep up with trends or maintain a certain image just for views. It feels like turning something intimate into something performative, and that just doesn’t sit well with me. At the same time, I don’t want to rain on his parade or come off as unsupportive. I know how much this excites him, and I don’t want to be the reason he gives up on something that could bring him joy or success.

Where do I draw the line between being encouraging and betraying my own comfort zone? Is there a compromise we could reach that honors both of our needs? -- Social Couple

DEAR SOCIAL COUPLE: Tell your boyfriend the truth: You want him to be happy, but it makes you uncomfortable to put your personal business out on social media. You support him in his endeavors as a content creator as long as he limits how much of you he includes, but unfortunately, you cannot join him in a joint TikTok.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m feeling really terrible because I forgot my best friend’s birthday, and now she’s not speaking to me. We’ve been best friends for over 10 years, and I’ve never missed her birthday before. This year, I ended up working a double shift the day before her birthday, and I was so exhausted that I slept basically the entire next day. By the time I realized what day it was, it was already late, and I had completely missed the window to call or even send a text. I tried reaching out the day after with a sincere apology and even sent her a small gift and a message explaining what happened, but she hasn’t responded. I get that birthdays are important, and I genuinely feel awful for forgetting, but I also wish she could see it for what it was: a one-time mistake, not a reflection of how much I care about her.

Now I’m stuck wondering if this one slipup is going to ruin our entire friendship. Should I give her space and hope she comes around, or should I try harder to make it up to her? I don’t want to seem pushy, but I also don’t want to let our friendship fade over something that wasn’t intentional. -- Missed Birthday

DEAR MISSED BIRTHDAY: If this one slipup ruins your friendship, there is something deeper going on. Sure, it’s hurtful that you missed your friend’s big day, but it is not the end of the world. Think about the situation. Is there anything else that could be fueling your friend’s pain? Are you an attentive friend? Have you forgotten important engagements with her in the past? If you have behavior that needs to improve, commit to doing that. For now, you have to wait for her to come back around.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a neighbor who, while I know he means well, is nosy and doesn’t seem to understand boundaries. He’s retired and spends a lot of time outside, so he notices everything that happens on our street and especially around my house, since I live across from him. For instance, if I leave my garage door open for too long, he’ll call or text me to let me know, even if I’m just in the middle of cleaning or unloading groceries. If someone stops by my house like a friend or even a delivery person who lingers a bit, he’ll make a point to call and ask who it was, especially if it's someone he doesn't recognize as my husband or kids. He’s not aggressive or rude, just overly involved in things that aren’t his concern. He once even mentioned that he keeps an eye on our property "just in case anything ever looks suspicious." While I understand the intention might be protective, it honestly feels more invasive than helpful.

I don’t want to be unkind or start any neighborhood drama, but it’s getting to the point where I feel like I’m being watched every time I pull into my driveway or have someone over. Should I tell him to stop? -- Nosy Neighbor

DEAR NOSY NEIGHBOR: You are being watched, and you cannot control that. You do not have to respond to his every overture. Let the phone go to voicemail when you are busy. Don’t tell him who your guests are. Stop being so responsive. This may help him to back off a bit.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)