DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I are roommates. No one told me this might be a risky decision, but I guess I’m learning the hard way. Sometimes she can be moody, and when she gets that way, everyone is subject to her heavy, somber, icy energy. It can be draining. If she has a bad day, she can’t conceal it. Maybe she thinks she is hiding it because she doesn’t exactly share or burden anyone with details, but her responses become short in a frustrated kind of way and she huffs, slams doors and sulks about. I don’t want her to suppress her emotions when something is wrong, but I wish she didn’t feel the need to wear them so proudly -- and I especially wish she wouldn't punish everyone around her when she’s in a mood. What can I say to her about this? -- Moody Roomie
DEAR MOODY ROOMIE: Although your roommate’s moods are difficult for you, at least you can see that her behavior is not personal. She is dealing with something separate from you. If possible, be compassionate. Tell her you love her and hope she can find peace.
You can also acknowledge that it is hard for you to be around her when she is in a dark place. You don’t have a sense of when these moods are going to hit her, and her behavior does impact you and everyone else around her. Ask her if she has the awareness to tell you that she’s having a hard day. If she could do that, it would help you to know how to be with her.