DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself in some kind of an adversarial situation with my partner of 11 years almost every day. I say left, and he says right. I have an idea, and he shuts it down. It almost doesn’t matter what we are talking about; if I say something, he looks at me with disgust on his face and shoots down whatever words come out of my mouth without even considering what I have said. I hate this and find it intolerable. I have pointed out this behavior to him, and he brushes it off, saying I am too sensitive. I don’t believe that is true, but even if it is, so what? I am his partner. If I am sensitive, shouldn’t he understand that and act accordingly? The way I am is not new. This attitude he has is new and extremely unbecoming. How can I get him to lighten up and be kind -- or at least show me some basic respect? -- Stop Belittling Me

DEAR STOP BELITTLING ME: Is anything different going on in your partner’s world? Has his employment changed? What about his financial circumstances? His health? Family dynamics? Perhaps something external is impacting his psyche, which, in turn, is impacting you. Ask him what’s going on and see if you can get him to open up.

Encourage your partner to go to therapy with you. Point out that you two seem to be bickering a lot. Tell him it upsets you and makes you worry about your future together. Implore him to take this seriously and seek help to guide you through this rough patch.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate likes to shower every night and every morning. The way I grew up, that would have been considered irresponsible. We lived in an area that had a limited water supply. I’ve also done some mission work in other countries where water is rationed. When I worked in India, for example, people put water in buckets and sponge their bodies in order to preserve water, even when they have working showers. I have told my roommate about my experiences with the hope that she will be more mindful of her water usage, but she just laughs at me and calls me earthy crunchy. How can I get her to be more mindful? -- Use Less Water

DEAR USE LESS WATER: Without badgering her, continue to educate your roommate on the need for water discipline and the urgency of conserving it. Recommend that she limit her showers to a short period of time -- both for overall conservation and to leave hot water for your use.

Practice what you preach. You can demonstrate how to be more conscientious about water use by not running water as you wash dishes, taking shorter showers and turning off faucets completely. For more information on water and our planet, direct her to this article: liveabout.com/how-do-we-use-water-and-why-conserve-3157863.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends has recently started gaining a lot of attention on social media, especially on TikTok. She’s gotten popular almost overnight, and ever since then, things have changed between us. She used to be someone I could talk to every day; we’d text, call, hang out and just be there for each other. Now, she barely responds to my texts and completely ignores my calls. I’ve tried to be supportive of her success -- including engaging with her content -- but it feels like I’ve been pushed aside now that she’s getting more attention online. I can’t help but feel like she thinks she’s better than me, like I’m not worth her time because I’m not an influencer.

I know people grow and change, but this feels more like she’s choosing to leave me behind. I’m hurt and confused, and I don’t know if I should confront her or just let the friendship go. How do I handle this without sounding jealous or bitter? -- Moving On

DEAR MOVING ON: There is a saying: Some friends are for a reason, some are for a season and some are for a lifetime. What do you think this friendship means in your whole life? Of course it hurts for you to experience her pulling away from you, but step back and look at the big picture. What is she chasing these days? Clearly it is not you.

For your own self-preservation, take a step back. Stop trying to get her to pay attention to you, and stop feeling hurt when she is dismissive. Live your life. Surround yourself with people who support you. Be wary of the pull of social media, even as you notice its value. Don’t waste your breath trying to convince your friend that she should love you. Right now, she doesn’t have the bandwidth to realize what she is doing. Instead, muster up your courage and strength and wish her well as you open your eyes to new friends who may be curious about you and your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and kids are begging me to get a dog. They talk about it constantly, sending me cute pictures, suggesting names and promising that they’ll take full responsibility. I know they mean well, but I’m really hesitant, and, honestly, I don’t want one. I feel like I’m being cast as the bad guy in the family for saying no, but I have my reasons. When I was growing up, my parents let us have all kinds of pets: dogs, cats, hamsters, birds -- you name it. At first, it was exciting, but this wore off quickly, and the responsibility always seemed to fall on me. I cleaned up the messes, fed them, walked them and dealt with the chaos. It became so overwhelming that I swore I’d never get another animal once I moved out on my own. Now, years later, I’m a working mom juggling a full schedule and a household, and the thought of adding a dog into the mix just feels like another chore waiting to land on my plate. I’ve seen this play out with other families, too. Kids swear they’ll help, but a few weeks in, it’s mom doing the feeding, the walking, the vet appointments and the clean-up. Is it wrong for me to put my foot down on this? -- Want a Dog

DEAR WANT A DOG: Stick to your guns. Don’t agree to something you don’t want to be responsible for handling. Tell your children they can have a dog when they have their own home.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband’s birthday is coming up soon, and I’m torn about how to handle it. Last year, on my birthday, he completely forgot it was even happening until the evening. I tried to brush it off, but it really hurt. When he finally remembered, he quickly suggested we go out to eat, and we ended up at Chili’s. Don’t get me wrong -- I appreciate any effort, but it felt like such an afterthought, especially because I always go out of my way to make his birthdays feel special. I plan activities, I surprise him and I try to make the day meaningful.

Now that my husband’s birthday is around the corner, part of me feels like doing the same thing he did for me: waiting until the evening and then taking him somewhere super casual, just to see how he reacts. I know it might sound childish or even petty, but I feel like I’m constantly giving more effort than I receive, and I’m tired of it. I don’t want to stoop to his level, but I also don’t want to keep setting the bar high for someone who doesn’t do the same in return. Would it be completely immature if I did what he did for me last year, or is there a better way to make a point without being petty? -- Bad Birthday

DEAR BAD BIRTHDAY: Rather than fretting over what your husband doesn’t do, tell him what you would like him to do for you for your big day. Let this include whatever you feel makes your birthday special; you can even tell him what you’d like to receive as a gift. Ask him to think about that as he plans your celebration next year. Make it clear that you expect him to do something to make you feel happy.

Does this spoil whatever surprise might come? Hopefully, it eliminates the possibility that your husband does nothing, because you will be reminding him in advance of your special day and alerting him to how to celebrate.

Don’t be petty with your husband’s birthday. Show him how you want your own birthday to be celebrated, and enjoy what you plan.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love to go to the beach and hang out in the sun. My spouse does not. She has extremely sensitive skin, which is likely why she avoids the sun. This is a bummer for me. When I think of things to do for fun in the summer, every idea involves being outside in the sun. She has the opposite thoughts. How can I be more considerate of her without completely giving up my source of fun? -- Sun Worshipper

DEAR SUN WORSHIPPER: Think about your spouse AND yourself as you plan activities. If you want to go to the beach, find a location that has cabana services so your spouse can be completely shaded as you sit nearby in the sun. Research garments with technology that blocks harmful rays, and make it possible for your spouse to be outside. Look into fun outdoor activities that start after the sun goes down. Maybe she can visit a spa during the day while you sunbathe, and the two of you can dance at night under the stars, safe from harmful rays. Put your thinking cap on.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)