DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband’s birthday is coming up soon, and I’m torn about how to handle it. Last year, on my birthday, he completely forgot it was even happening until the evening. I tried to brush it off, but it really hurt. When he finally remembered, he quickly suggested we go out to eat, and we ended up at Chili’s. Don’t get me wrong -- I appreciate any effort, but it felt like such an afterthought, especially because I always go out of my way to make his birthdays feel special. I plan activities, I surprise him and I try to make the day meaningful.

Now that my husband’s birthday is around the corner, part of me feels like doing the same thing he did for me: waiting until the evening and then taking him somewhere super casual, just to see how he reacts. I know it might sound childish or even petty, but I feel like I’m constantly giving more effort than I receive, and I’m tired of it. I don’t want to stoop to his level, but I also don’t want to keep setting the bar high for someone who doesn’t do the same in return. Would it be completely immature if I did what he did for me last year, or is there a better way to make a point without being petty? -- Bad Birthday

DEAR BAD BIRTHDAY: Rather than fretting over what your husband doesn’t do, tell him what you would like him to do for you for your big day. Let this include whatever you feel makes your birthday special; you can even tell him what you’d like to receive as a gift. Ask him to think about that as he plans your celebration next year. Make it clear that you expect him to do something to make you feel happy.

Does this spoil whatever surprise might come? Hopefully, it eliminates the possibility that your husband does nothing, because you will be reminding him in advance of your special day and alerting him to how to celebrate.

Don’t be petty with your husband’s birthday. Show him how you want your own birthday to be celebrated, and enjoy what you plan.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love to go to the beach and hang out in the sun. My spouse does not. She has extremely sensitive skin, which is likely why she avoids the sun. This is a bummer for me. When I think of things to do for fun in the summer, every idea involves being outside in the sun. She has the opposite thoughts. How can I be more considerate of her without completely giving up my source of fun? -- Sun Worshipper

DEAR SUN WORSHIPPER: Think about your spouse AND yourself as you plan activities. If you want to go to the beach, find a location that has cabana services so your spouse can be completely shaded as you sit nearby in the sun. Research garments with technology that blocks harmful rays, and make it possible for your spouse to be outside. Look into fun outdoor activities that start after the sun goes down. Maybe she can visit a spa during the day while you sunbathe, and the two of you can dance at night under the stars, safe from harmful rays. Put your thinking cap on.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: As parents, I’m sure most of us have experienced a squabble or disagreement between our kids. I definitely have, but they’re usually short-lived. Currently, two of my girls aren’t speaking and haven’t been for a few months. This all started because my older daughter made a joke about me owing her back pay because my younger daughter’s college tuition was more expensive than hers. My younger daughter, who is usually quite docile, blew up at the comment. She called her older sister ungrateful, rude and spoiled. They argued like I’ve never seen before, and they haven’t spoken since. I tried talking to my younger daughter about it, but she won’t apologize. I don’t think her sentiments were wrong; the joke was in poor taste. I think as a family we should never be so hostile toward each other. How do I get my girls back on track? -- Family Disagreement

DEAR FAMILY DISAGREEMENT: Rather than continuing to fish for apologies, look for a way forward. It can start by you bringing the two of them together to address the topic that sparked it all. State that you have cared for each of your daughters to the best of your ability and individually based on their needs. It pains you to see that there would be any jealousy or envy sparked by how you provided for their education -- or anything else, for that matter.

Tell them that family must come first. Yes, there will be arguments and disagreements, just as they recently had. That’s life. But family should be more valuable than any squabble. Ask them to forgive each other for any hurtful words or actions and to commit to reclaiming their sisterhood. Sometimes you just have to let go of the past. Invite them to do that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an employee who’s been with me for nearly eight years. I’m a small business owner, so eight years is about as good as being family. She has always been a great contributor, but lately things have changed. Her work is often incomplete or submitted late. It is rare that she arrives on time anymore. She often steps away to take personal calls, and extended lunches are her new normal. Based on our history, I can’t allow myself to think that she’s become an awful worker overnight. It seems so unlikely. I’ve tried having various stern but caring conversations with her. I’ve invited her to be open with me so that I can help accommodate whatever workplace changes she may need at the moment, but she insists that everything is fine and that she’ll do better. I want to be able to help, but it feels inappropriate to pry. At this point, her performance is affecting the bigger picture, and I may need to let her go, but I’d really hate to do that to someone who has been such a big help over the years. What would you do? -- Concerned Employer

DEAR CONCERNED EMPLOYER: Sit her down and tell her that her inconsistent and progressively unprofessional job performance is negatively impacting her future. Remind her that you have spoken to her on several occasions about your observations, but she hasn’t improved. Ask again if something is wrong and if you can help. Let her know that if she doesn’t return to her previous level of professionalism, she will lose her job.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 17-year-old daughter recently got into a car accident. Thankfully, she wasn’t seriously hurt, but the car was totaled. After talking to her about what happened, it became clear that the accident was due to her not paying attention: She was distracted, and it cost her.

Now that the dust has settled, she’s asking my husband and me to buy her a new car. She seems to expect that we’ll replace it like we’re upgrading her phone, and I’m struggling with how entitled she sounds. I understand that having a car is important for her independence, job and social life, but I also feel strongly that this is an opportunity to teach her some real-world responsibility. I told her that we’re willing to help with the cost, but she needs to contribute financially as well, whether that means saving up from her part-time job or doing extra work around the house. She, of course, is frustrated and thinks we’re being unfair. She says she’s already learned her lesson from the crash, but I’m not so sure. Am I being too harsh? -- Learn the Lesson

DEAR LEARN THE LESSON: Your daughter absolutely should have repercussions due to her accident. She needs to step up and help figure out how she can have a car again. Yes, she should have to help pay for it. One way to approach this might be to offer to match dollar for dollar whatever money she is willing and able to put toward the vehicle.

Sure, it’s frustrating, but so was the crash that totaled the car, raised your insurance bill and required the purchase of a new car. She may think she has learned her lesson, but she has a long way to go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved in with my roommate about six months ago, and at first, everything was fine. We got along well, split chores evenly and respected each other’s space. Recently, things have taken a serious turn for the worse. We got into a huge argument a few weeks ago. I won’t go into all the details, but it got pretty heated and personal. Ever since then, things have been unbearably tense in the apartment. We barely speak, and when we do, it’s cold or passive-aggressive. I don’t feel comfortable in my own home anymore, and I find myself avoiding being there as much as possible. The problem is, we’re still in the middle of our lease, and breaking it would be expensive. Neither of us can afford to pay the full rent on our own, and I don’t think she’s interested in moving out either.

I feel stuck. I want to move out and get some peace of mind, but I don’t know how to do that without making things worse financially or legally. Do you have any advice on how to handle this? Is there a way to get out of the lease early or find a compromise that won’t destroy my bank account or my sanity? -- Stuck

DEAR STUCK: Start by asking your roommate for a meeting. Address the elephant in the room: namely, that ever since your argument, things have been tense. Ask her if she can agree to a truce since you both need to live there. Agree on who does what, and recommend that you dial back the hostility. Apologize for anything hurtful you said or did, and ask for a reset.

Check with your landlord to see what it would cost to break the lease or find a replacement tenant for you. Besides that, if it is a one-year lease, the good news is that six months will fly by.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)