DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband wants to have a baby; I do not. Now, you’re probably thinking that we should’ve discussed this before we got married, but I don’t think either of us had a hard stance on the subject back then. My husband has two beautiful stepdaughters from a previous relationship, and when he and I were dating, I spent a lot of time getting to know them. I love children and thought I was open to them, but five years into marriage and stepmotherhood with a fast-paced career to tend to, I don’t feel the need to have my own.

Recently, my husband shared with me that he would really love for us to have a child together. He showers me with compliments about what kind of mother he knows I would be, and while I appreciate it, I feel happy with the children we currently have in our lives. How can two people compromise on something so black and white? -- Baby Fever

DEAR BABY FEVER: You just have to be honest. Tell him you appreciate his belief that you would be a great mom, but it is not something you want or are willing to commit to doing. Point out that you understand the sacrifice, and you lack the interest or willingness to do that. Note that you love his stepchildren and are grateful that they are integral to your lives, and that’s enough for you. Apologize for not discussing this before you got married.

Do know that should you get pregnant, your opinion might change. It did for me 100%. I wasn’t planning on having children, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son and I have a strange relationship. Since he moved out, things have been even more strained. We were never close; he was always a bit tucked away and not welcoming when I would try to bond with him, but now he doesn’t even call me. I didn’t see any of this coming. I am trying hard not to let my feelings get the best of me, but I feel rejected at this point, which keeps me from calling him. He still stops by the house for holidays and when he needs something, so I try to be kind. When we know he’s coming over, I’ll cook food for him to take back with him and try to purchase things he may need, but still, it seems like it’s hard for him to reciprocate any gestures. I just want to know that he’s open to trying. What am I doing wrong? -- Sad Mom

DEAR SAD MOM: Accept your son for who he is, knowing he has always been distant. Don’t be mad that he doesn’t call you. Call him if you want to check in. Don’t let your feelings get the best of you. Continue to do kind things for him. Thank him when he comes to visit. Enjoy the moments you do have without expectation. Don’t wait for anything else from him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I helped my friend “Erica” get hired at my company. I usually do not like recommending people I know to work with me, but the job market has been tough, so I didn’t mind. Erica was hired, and unfortunately she has not been performing well. She is about six months in now, and recently the hiring manager asked if I might speak with Erica to see if there’s any additional support that she needs to help her be her best self. I did just that, and Erica did not appreciate it. She told me that my reference was the extent of the help that she needed from me; that was a rude awakening. Later, the hiring manager told me that Erica is rarely on time for work and even for important meetings. Because Erica set that boundary, though, I don’t feel comfortable talking to her about her performance again. Should I feel guilty if this all costs her the job? -- Work Performance

DEAR WORK PERFORMANCE: Your reputation is on the line at your job. You must preserve that, so I recommend two steps. Though Erica asked you to stay out of her business, butt in one more time. Tell her that you know she doesn’t want you to meddle, but you need to let her know that her unprofessional behavior has been brought to your attention. Because you recommended her, her behavior reflects directly on you. Ask her to recommit to the job or look for another as you believe she is not meeting expectations at your company.

Next, speak to the hiring manager. Explain that you spoke to Erica about their concerns, but you hope her performance doesn’t reflect on you. Apologize for any disruption she may be causing. Do know, however, that it is highly unprofessional for the hiring manager to bring their concerns about a colleague to you rather than speaking to that person directly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love your column, but I do want to comment on your letter to “Off-Limits,” whose boyfriend of two months wouldn't show her his home. While your response was good, I don't think it went far enough. If she sat him down and told him her concerns, I think the odds are low that he would open up with her and be honest -- and, no matter what he told her, how could she really know if he was being honest? He could give her some sob story about being homeless or couch-surfing or something else, and it could have been covering up the real fact that he had another woman at home.

After two months, I think it's a huge red flag that he won’t show her his place; I would strongly advise her to break it off before she gets more involved with him. -- Second Thoughts

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Thank you for your kind words about my column and your thoughts about this woman’s boyfriend. Many people have chimed in on this one -- it hit a nerve! I see why you say to break it off. I have one more thought, which is to slow way down if he is hiding where he lives. Don’t get too close until you have developed complete trust. That has to include revealing basic details about your life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago. It was a difficult decision, but ultimately I felt it was the right one for both of us. Since the breakup, we hadn’t spoken at all -- no texts, no calls, no accidental run-ins.

I had started to move on and was focusing on myself, trying to heal and rebuild my sense of peace. Then, out of the blue, he called me. I was shocked to see his name pop up on my phone. When I answered, he asked if I wanted to grab dinner or get a drink that night. I was caught off guard and told him no, not because I was trying to be mean, but because I didn’t understand where this was coming from or what he wanted. I asked him why he had reached out and what made him want to see me again, especially after two months of complete silence. He couldn’t give me a clear answer. He kind of just shrugged it off and said he didn’t really know, but he “thought it might be nice.”

Now I’m left feeling confused. Why would he call me out of nowhere like that? Is he regretting the breakup? Did he miss me in a moment of weakness, or is he trying to keep a connection alive? Should I read into this or let it go and keep moving forward? -- He’s Back

DEAR HE’S BACK: Do you have any desire to rekindle a relationship with your ex? If not, stop thinking about this incident. Remind yourself of the reasons you broke up with him in the first place. Be OK with your decision, and move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This past year has been hard for me. I was recently diagnosed with a few health issues that have been affecting my daily life more than I expected. On top of managing the physical symptoms, I’ve been struggling emotionally, and I was recently diagnosed with depression as well.

What’s made it harder is that I haven’t told anyone about what I’m going through -- not family or friends. I’ve kept everything to myself because I feel embarrassed about my diagnoses. I can’t shake the feeling that if I open up, people will see me differently or treat me with pity, and I don’t want that. Because I’ve been holding everything in, I feel isolated. I go through my days pretending everything is normal when, in reality, I’m struggling just to get out of bed some mornings. I want to talk to someone about what’s going on, but I don’t know how to start that conversation. How do I begin to let people in without feeling like I’m losing my sense of privacy or pride? -- Isolated

DEAR ISOLATED: Start with a therapist. Find a professional with whom you can talk about your situation, and cultivate coping skills that will strengthen you. Pick one friend you believe will have compassion, and tell them about your situation. Ask that person to keep your business confidential. Start by saying you need to confide something sensitive to them. Then reveal as much or as little as you care to in that first conversation. Don’t dump it all at once. Ease into your revelation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)