DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a newish mom. My daughter is approaching her first birthday, but I still feel like a newbie. Learning all the tricks of motherhood has been a whirlwind, but something I didn’t expect to be so hard is the shift I’ve been feeling in so many of my adult relationships. I am the only one from my immediate friend group who is a mother. When I’m having a tough time with my daughter and need support, I’m afraid to be a burden to my friends. When I’m having great days with my daughter, I neglect my friends. When I do see them, they forget that my child exists or forget that I exist as they ooh and aah over photos of her. I don’t want to hold anything against them because it feels like maybe I’m the one who can’t be pleased right now. Is there any way to create a better balance for me? How can I be a mom and have my childless friends, too? -- Solo Mom

DEAR SOLO MOM: As impossible as this may seem, you need to expand your friend group, adding in at least one mom. In this way, you will have someone to talk to who understands your new reality. That will take the pressure off of your other friends. It can also help you be less sensitive when they don’t understand your needs.

You can also be honest with your friends and tell them that sometimes you need them to support you, even if they don’t really understand what you are going through. Chances are, somebody from your group will try to step up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: “Broken Vows” wrote to you saying she found a condom in her husband’s pants pocket. She might also want to consider being tested for sexually transmitted infections -- and, in conversation with her husband, mention this. -- Better Safe

DEAR BETTER SAFE: Absolutely, this is great, practical advice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just wanted to mention that your advice to “Peer Pressure,” the person who didn’t have interest or time to prep for a marathon with her friends, was perfect. Around 30 years ago I was faced with the same problem, and I chose not to participate. At that time, I felt I had too much going on in my life; my kids were younger, and I didn’t feel that I could train properly without sacrificing valuable family time. I don’t regret my decision, but at times it has been hard because of the teasing that I took and the passing of a good friend from the complications of the leukemia that he had beaten at the time. Your solution to this person’s problem -- to be the documentarian of the group’s journey -- is perfect and would’ve been a great way for me to have helped with their efforts while maintaining valuable family time. -- Protecting What You Value Most

DEAR PROTECTING WHAT YOU VALUE MOST: We so often guilt ourselves into doing things that don’t make sense. Thinking outside the box for ways to stay connected to others without bowing to peer pressure is important and can be difficult to envision, but it’s definitely worth it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two months now, and while things started off really strong, there’s something that’s been bothering me more and more: He refuses to show me where he lives. It feels intentional and calculated. Every time I’ve brought it up, he dodges the question or gives a vague excuse. The first time, he said his apartment was “under renovation.” Then a week later, he said his roommate was having family over and the place was “a mess.” Another time he claimed he just “prefers going out.”

Now that we’re two months in, it’s starting to feel like a serious red flag. We always hang out at my place or meet in public. Not once have I seen the outside of his building, let alone been invited in. He always drives, but he never offers to meet at his place or take me there. When I tried to push a little and asked directly why I’ve never seen where he lives, he laughed it off and said, “You’ll get there eventually, don’t worry.” I am worried. It’s making me feel like he’s hiding something. What should I do? -- Off-Limits

DEAR OFF-LIMITS: Tell your boyfriend that it makes you uncomfortable that he seems to be hiding his home from you. Something as basic as where a person lives should not be off-limits in your mind. Ask him what he is hiding from you. Is he really that messy? Does he actually have a home, or is he living in temporary housing? Is he really single, or is he living with a girlfriend or wife? Tell him all of the thoughts that are going through your head because he refuses to share this basic part of his life with you. Remind him that the easiest way to allay your concerns is to show you his home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: About a month ago, a few family members came to town. While I was giving them the grand tour of my city, one of my daughters pointed to the wine and spirits store and said, “This is Mommy’s favorite store.” Half the group laughed at my daughter’s silly statement, but half were completely silent. I know that everyone who stayed silent felt just as embarrassed as me. I don’t even know why, but I felt exposed. I don’t want my children thinking of me this way. I don’t drink every day, but I probably drink a little more than the average person. I never drink when I’m going to work or any other important engagements. I drink only at home after work hours, so I didn’t realize my children had picked up on this. My drinking hasn’t ever felt harmful, but for some reason, I cannot get over that moment from a few weeks ago. Is there something wrong with my indulgence? -- Mom Anonymous

DEAR MOM ANONYMOUS: Since this concerns you deeply, examine it. Track your drinking for the next couple of weeks. Note how often you actually drink and whether you are doing so around your children. While you think you drink only occasionally, if that time coincides with family time, it may seem to your children that drinking is a constant for you. You may want to check that. Allow your discomfort at their statement to shine a spotlight on your behavior so you can decide if you want to change it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends came to town. We’ve known each other since college and have seen each other through a lot of chapters. I don’t feel like I’m in the best season of my life right now. I think I’m on my way to something great, but the detour has been filled with a lot of challenges, losses, hardships and so much more. My close friends are aware of this.

When this friend came to town, we wanted to meet up and catch up. Before I could give her any updates, she grabbed both my hands and looked into my eyes with sheer joy and told me how proud she is of me. I was surprised because usually these sorts of speeches come after a distinct accomplishment. I didn’t know what to say, so I giggled a little and looked away. She found my eyes again and pleaded with me, telling me that I’m doing great and that I’ve grown and achieved so much. I love her dearly and I trust her -- so why can’t I think those things about myself? How can I learn to be as proud of myself as she says she is? -- Self-Doubt

DEAR SELF-DOUBT: It can be difficult to feel a sense of pride when things are not stable in your life. That’s when it’s great to be around cheerleaders like your friend. It is also wise to count your blessings in a literal way. Write down what you are grateful for in your life, what you have accomplished and what steps you are taking to get to your next destination. Recognizing the little things will help you to notice what you have done that is good. Ask your friend what she sees in you that makes her proud. Urge her to be honest as you aren’t feeling so proud right now yourself. Really listen and internalize what she has to say.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is in middle school, and I allow her to have social media as long as her mom and I have access to her accounts. Earlier this week she posted something rather sexually explicit on her TikTok account. It was a selfie, which is totally normal, but the caption she had written underneath it shocked me. It wasn’t anything a preteen should be saying or posting on the internet. Her mom and I discussed how to move forward, but when we tried talking to her about where she learned that sort of lingo, she shut down. She refuses to talk to us about it, so we’ve taken away her privileges to use social media. Punishment doesn’t seem like the most appropriate response. How can we censor what our child says, does or is exposed to without treating her like a criminal? -- Parental Control

DEAR PARENTAL CONTROL: You cannot control what your daughter is exposed to, but you can teach her what you value. During this no-social-media phase, continue to try to talk to her, not in judgment, but in fact. Explain that certain behaviors attract people who may be dangerous for her to know. Language expresses how one sees (and is seen by) the world. Encourage your daughter to use language carefully so that she is accurately reflecting who she is and what she stands for. Remind her that anything she writes or says and publishes online can never be taken back, so she should think carefully before posting. What she posts should always represent her values.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)