DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends came to town. We’ve known each other since college and have seen each other through a lot of chapters. I don’t feel like I’m in the best season of my life right now. I think I’m on my way to something great, but the detour has been filled with a lot of challenges, losses, hardships and so much more. My close friends are aware of this.

When this friend came to town, we wanted to meet up and catch up. Before I could give her any updates, she grabbed both my hands and looked into my eyes with sheer joy and told me how proud she is of me. I was surprised because usually these sorts of speeches come after a distinct accomplishment. I didn’t know what to say, so I giggled a little and looked away. She found my eyes again and pleaded with me, telling me that I’m doing great and that I’ve grown and achieved so much. I love her dearly and I trust her -- so why can’t I think those things about myself? How can I learn to be as proud of myself as she says she is? -- Self-Doubt

DEAR SELF-DOUBT: It can be difficult to feel a sense of pride when things are not stable in your life. That’s when it’s great to be around cheerleaders like your friend. It is also wise to count your blessings in a literal way. Write down what you are grateful for in your life, what you have accomplished and what steps you are taking to get to your next destination. Recognizing the little things will help you to notice what you have done that is good. Ask your friend what she sees in you that makes her proud. Urge her to be honest as you aren’t feeling so proud right now yourself. Really listen and internalize what she has to say.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is in middle school, and I allow her to have social media as long as her mom and I have access to her accounts. Earlier this week she posted something rather sexually explicit on her TikTok account. It was a selfie, which is totally normal, but the caption she had written underneath it shocked me. It wasn’t anything a preteen should be saying or posting on the internet. Her mom and I discussed how to move forward, but when we tried talking to her about where she learned that sort of lingo, she shut down. She refuses to talk to us about it, so we’ve taken away her privileges to use social media. Punishment doesn’t seem like the most appropriate response. How can we censor what our child says, does or is exposed to without treating her like a criminal? -- Parental Control

DEAR PARENTAL CONTROL: You cannot control what your daughter is exposed to, but you can teach her what you value. During this no-social-media phase, continue to try to talk to her, not in judgment, but in fact. Explain that certain behaviors attract people who may be dangerous for her to know. Language expresses how one sees (and is seen by) the world. Encourage your daughter to use language carefully so that she is accurately reflecting who she is and what she stands for. Remind her that anything she writes or says and publishes online can never be taken back, so she should think carefully before posting. What she posts should always represent her values.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate works out at 5 a.m. every day, which means that his alarm goes off at 4:30 a.m., and it’s been affecting my sleep in a major way. The noise alone is enough to jolt me out of my sleep, and by the time I finally manage to fall back to sleep, it’s almost time for me to get up for work.

I’ve tried everything I can think of to deal with it. I’ve used earplugs, I’ve tried white noise machines and I’ve even changed my sleep schedule in an attempt to go to bed earlier so I can get a solid few hours of rest before the alarm goes off. Nothing is working, and it’s affecting my mood, my productivity and even my health.

I don’t know how to approach my roommate about this issue. I can’t tell him that he can’t wake up early to work out -- it’s his routine and I don’t want to make him feel bad. At the same time, I feel like my right to get a decent night’s sleep has been completely compromised. How do I talk to my roommate about this without making him feel like he has to choose between his fitness and my sleep? -- Alarm Off

DEAR ALARM OFF: Speak to your roommate about his alarm. Explain that you think it’s great that he has such a rigorous and disciplined workout schedule, but his alarm is disrupting your sleep. Ask him if he can find another way to alert himself to get up. There are silent vibrating alarms that can be worn on the wrist for exactly this purpose. They are said to work for even heavy sleepers.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend keeps inviting me to work events where she’s way too busy to interact or catch up with me. To me, it feels like a thoughtless effort. I see her make time for other people outside of work -- quite often, actually. Whenever I bring it up and explain that I wish we could have more personal time outside of her workplace, which, no offense, is really not that interesting to me, she reminds me that she always includes me in everything she has going on.

I recognize that she is making great strides in her career currently, which is why I choose to show up and support her, but it doesn’t feel much like friendship anymore. Should I try to be more understanding? Or is it possible that she simply doesn’t want to do other activities with me? -- Friends to Associates

DEAR FRIENDS TO ASSOCIATES: Assess the situation. Do you gain any value at all from attending your friend’s work events? Do you meet interesting people or make meaningful contacts? Do you help your friend in her career climb? If so, by all means continue to accept her invitations and make the most of the experiences.

Right now, your friend is climbing the ladder of her career and not paying as close attention as you would prefer. Give her grace. Find other friends who can fill the void. Notice over time if she comes back around.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a mother of twin daughters who are graduating from high school this year and preparing to head off to college. They both dreamed of going to the University of Notre Dame, and they worked hard throughout high school to make it happen. When the acceptance letters came in, only one of them made it. The other, unfortunately, did not. She was devastated. We encouraged her to enroll in a local community college with the plan to transfer to Notre Dame in a year or two if things go well. She agreed to this, but ever since the decisions came out, there’s been a lot of tension in our home. The daughter who got in is trying not to make a big deal out of it, but she’s obviously excited and proud. The one who didn’t get in feels left behind, and I can tell she’s battling feelings of rejection, jealousy and low self-worth. They’ve been snapping at each other more often and keeping their distance. How can I support them both in this difficult transition without adding more pressure or making one feel smaller than the other? -- Twin Blues

DEAR TWIN BLUES: Did your daughter apply to any other schools? Colleges are so competitive that it is wise to cast a wide net so that you have choices. If she has any other acceptance offers, encourage her to focus on those. If not, community college for sure -- but not necessarily with her only goal being a transfer to Notre Dame. What is she interested in? What schools specialize in those passions? This may be a pivotal moment for both of them to gain some independence from each other. Yes, it will be hard at first, but not going to the same school may turn out to be exactly what they need.

Meanwhile, encourage your daughter to think about her future and plot out a plan. Now is the time to take charge of her life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my husband has decided to convert to a new religion. He hasn’t come out and said it officially, but I see some of the books he’s reading, certain things he’s cut out of his diet and holidays he no longer celebrates. We’ve been married for about three years, and we’ve always been religious people, but for as long as we’ve known each other, we had practiced the same faith and shared the same beliefs.

Before we got married, we discussed and agreed on what things we would teach our children and what things we would allow them to figure out on their own. Now that he’s converting, I am worried about our son and what that means for him. I think my husband has the same concern, and that is what has been keeping him from telling me explicitly about his new faith. What should I do? -- Family Faith

DEAR FAMILY FAITH: I can see that you are afraid, but now is the time to speak up. Tell your husband that you have noticed different patterns in his practices and faith. Ask him what is going on and whether he is considering converting to a religion that is different from what the two of you practiced together. Be genuinely curious; this will allow him to open up with less trepidation. If it is true, you will have to figure out how to stay with him when he's actively pursuing another way of engaging the world.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)